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Old 04-08-2019, 04:00 PM
 
Location: The New England part of Ohio
18,678 posts, read 23,269,288 times
Reputation: 48876

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Quote:
Originally Posted by pretty in black View Post
5'3 & 136 is not even fat. She's probably jealous of your booty or something. I would just ignore her.
No it isn't. It is well within the normal range. Perhaps she does have a voluptuous figure and the co-worker is jealous of her - "booty" or voluptuous breasts. It is a thought.
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Old 04-08-2019, 06:03 PM
 
544 posts, read 527,791 times
Reputation: 581
Quote:
Originally Posted by middle-aged mom View Post
No clue why either one of you care.

I do not understand people who are compelled to tell people what they already know, just as I don't understand people being offended when they do.

Taking offense is a choice.
what an ridiculous incoherent answer..no it's not choice. I can't choose to be offended as much as I can't choose my other emotions
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Old 04-08-2019, 06:16 PM
 
544 posts, read 527,791 times
Reputation: 581
Quote:
Originally Posted by MarshaBrady1968 View Post
Question to the OP:

you said you guys were not/are not close friends outside of work, merely co-workers, I'm guessing. What were your feelings toward her already? Did it make you more upset because of some pre-conceived feelings or ideas about the person from whom the words came?

How would it have been different, if at all, if you worked with a close friend, or some other person for whom you carried admiration or affection, and that person uttered the same words?

I just get the impression it may have been the person who said it, that person's delivery of the message, and preconceived feelings that is the main part of the problem

I have been on the OTHER (your co-worker's) side. I got reported (and written up!!!) because someone who I liked and considered a "work friend" was upset when I called her "Miss Thang"- ya know, the old 1980's/90's way of referring to someone. I call friends, kids, family that too, and to me is a term of endearment more than anything. I was so hurt that she would report this as offensive. I found another job. Looking back, it HAD to be because she just always distrusted me, or felt threatened, or....whatever
it wouldn't have made a difference who said it. if a close friend tells me that I would stop talking to them. It would have stunk no matter who it came from. The only case I would have accepted it if it was coming from doctor and it's relevant to my health
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Old 04-08-2019, 06:41 PM
 
Location: Southwest Washington State
21,910 posts, read 14,406,502 times
Reputation: 30827
Quote:
Originally Posted by MissmamaAnnie View Post
Thank you, finally someone who understands. Co workers shouldn't comment on each others bodies. It's irrelevant to my interactions to anyone at work. And when people gain weight, they know. We own mirrors and the clothes will let us know. I don't appreciate anyone pointing that out
I know how you feel.

Your co worker was out if line.

Basically no co worker should comment on the physical appearance of another co worker, except possibly in cases of obvious illness.
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Old 04-08-2019, 07:31 PM
 
946 posts, read 262,118 times
Reputation: 2605
Quote:
Originally Posted by Coldjensens View Post
I am not sure why we get so hung up on comments about weight. If other things change about your physical appearance and people comment, no one gets all that upset. "Oh you cut your hair. I liked it better long." - not going to get reported. "Ha, your fake tan makes you look orange." 'Go home and change, you look like a hooker." 'Those red contact lenses make you look like a demon." 'where did your eyebrow(s) go?" "Wow I never realized how short you were until you stopped wearing heels." All of those things are acceptable although some may be offensive to some people. However tell someone they gained a lot of weight this month and they go bonkers. Worse yes, ask them if they are pregnant when they aren't. (I have never done that,but I have seen it happen).
All of the things you listed are offensive and unnecessary, especially at work.


Quote:
Originally Posted by sheena12 View Post
She was hurt. Not offended. One can not "choose not to be hurt".
Nor should the onus be put on the person offended to cultivate a false attitude of non-offense; it should be on the person who says and does offensive things. Otherwise, I can do whatever I want to someone and get a pass, because they should learn not to be offended/don't let me offend them/yada yada, right?


Quote:
Originally Posted by MarshaBrady1968 View Post
I just get the impression it may have been the person who said it, that person's delivery of the message, and preconceived feelings that is the main part of the problem
Yes, of course that is the reason. This woman had no place to say it, she said it insensitively, so yes, it was the person who said it and that person's delivery. Friends likely wouldn't make an observation like that to begin with. And if they did, and if it was more acceptable (friends and family can also be rude), it would be because A. they were close to OP and cared about her, B. it wouldn't be at work.


Quote:
Originally Posted by DubbleT View Post
Good grief, I wasn't advocating for her to make snarky comments in return. I do think that she would have done better to state her comments (minus the snark) to her co-worker and stand up for herself rather than coming to a message board to make them. I simply don't have a lot of sympathy for people who are incapable of handling something in person, but then come here to talk brave on an anonymous forum.
She DID tell her the comments were unacceptable. It's right in the OP. And if you didn't mean she should be snarky, then what is with the "talk brave" comment? You obviously did not feel that her method of pointing out that the coworker was offensive was sufficient, you wondered why she didn't tell coworker what she said here.

And again, sometimes it is just nice to be able to vent the things you wish you could say to someone but can't.


Quote:
Originally Posted by veuvegirl View Post
Seriously the fact that you didn't do something because you didn't like what she says is just as bad. If I found out my team was pulling any of this they would get a warning. It isn't acceptable for you to not do your job because you were offended.

I had my boss be an absolute ***** to me at a sales conference, demeaned me in front of everyone. The next day I had to provide her with information for her presentation. I wonder where I would be right now if I said "nope, you were mean to me".

You are the only one that can control your actions.
We don't know what the coworker asked her to do. If it's not her job, then no, she doesn't have to do it for someone who can't even act politely toward her.

I may have to do things for someone who is rude to me, but I do not have to be friendly to them, interact with them outside of saying "here is what you wanted," or do things for them that are favors rather than things I am required to do.
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Old 04-08-2019, 08:06 PM
 
544 posts, read 527,791 times
Reputation: 581
Quote:
Originally Posted by DubbleT View Post
Good grief, I wasn't advocating for her to make snarky comments in return. I do think that she would have done better to state her comments (minus the snark) to her co-worker and stand up for herself rather than coming to a message board to make them. I simply don't have a lot of sympathy for people who are incapable of handling something in person, but then come here to talk brave on an anonymous forum.
So basically this:

Wow, I missed this. OP you posted on a forum, you did ask for opinions by doing so.
I feel like your anger is more about the fact that you are unhappy with yourself and your weight more than anything. Seems as though your co-worker hit a very raw nerve and you want to retaliate.

LOL I did tell her..work on reading comprehension. I told her that I don't appreciate her comments but she backtracked and played dumb. typical. Weather I'm unhappy with my weight or not is not anyone's business but mine
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Old 04-08-2019, 08:20 PM
 
1,550 posts, read 404,523 times
Reputation: 2896
Quote:
Originally Posted by Calvert Hall '62 View Post
Yet another opportunity to be "offended."
As long as the comments aren't about you directly, I can see why you don't care.
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Old 04-08-2019, 08:36 PM
 
544 posts, read 527,791 times
Reputation: 581
Quote:
Originally Posted by DubbleT View Post
Good grief, I wasn't advocating for her to make snarky comments in return. I do think that she would have done better to state her comments (minus the snark) to her co-worker and stand up for herself rather than coming to a message board to make them. I simply don't have a lot of sympathy for people who are incapable of handling something in person, but then come here to talk brave on an anonymous forum.
So basically this:

Wow, I missed this. OP you posted on a forum, you did ask for opinions by doing so.
I feel like your anger is more about the fact that you are unhappy with yourself and your weight more than anything. Seems as though your co-worker hit a very raw nerve and you want to retaliate.
And I was referring that if I want opinion on my body, I'd ask for them
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Old 04-08-2019, 09:57 PM
 
Location: plano
6,576 posts, read 8,112,647 times
Reputation: 5812
Sounds to me fat is what the staffing is. Anyone out there working lol. Serious kids grow up. The lady who started this mess is the issue not your weight. But don't lower your self to her childish level and respond.

If your weight bothers you focus your energy there not on this child. I think your comment back was fine and let her know she was out of line. But move forward.dont bring HROr the boss into this silly matter.
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Old 04-08-2019, 11:02 PM
 
7,140 posts, read 1,795,682 times
Reputation: 4230
Quote:
Originally Posted by MissmamaAnnie View Post
Ughh...weather I lose or gain weight. it's none of anyone's business. Weather I decided to do something about it, is up to me and my business. unless you're my doctor, or some extremely close to me then I don't need you pint it out and embarrass me. worry about your own weight. Not to meantion, the said co worker is isn't slim herself. It's always overweight people that feel like they have the right to comment on others weight. like why don't get your ass into the gym and work on your weight before worrying about others
I do take care of myself, eat right and exercise daily. Its not just for self esteem but to avoid health issues down the road. Its a slippery slope. You start to put on weight and who knows where it will lead to. And as you get older losing the weight becomes much harder. So I prefer to not venture down that road.

Someone called you a fatty. Big deal. I agree what you do is your business but the fact that one little comment prompted you to start a thread about it shows you are not happy as you are or the comment would not have mattered at all. Pretty obvious.

So either accept yourself as you are and don't worry about what others think or say or, do something about it and lose some weight. But you seem to want to have your cake and eat it too. Figuratively and literally.
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