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Old 04-08-2019, 11:14 PM
 
7,140 posts, read 1,791,791 times
Reputation: 4230

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Quote:
Originally Posted by K12144 View Post
What's the point of telling someone this? Why did this coworker need to "criticize" OP? What are her qualifications to make this criticism and why is it appropriate in the office (I assume they don't work in a gym or physical therapist's office). It's not about "pretending" she didn't gain weight, it's about not sticking one's nose where it doesn't belong. Am I "pretending" my coworker didn't wear a green shirt today if I don't mention it? What need is there to point out a change you see in a person you barely know?

Yes, the coworker's comment was offensive, hurtful, unnecessary, and unprofessional.

I just think the victim mentality that has taken over almost everything in American life is ridiculous. Someone said something insensitive. Wow. That has happened to me countless times over my lifetime. Its not what someone says that defines you its how you react to it that does.


The OP stated the woman who made the comment is also overweight. I would have said "Have you looked at yourself in the mirror lately? Pot Kettle Black." and walked away with a smirk on my face. I guarantee that would be the last negative comment I would have received from that person.
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Old 04-09-2019, 04:48 AM
 
1,550 posts, read 403,540 times
Reputation: 2896
Quote:
Originally Posted by Oklazona Bound View Post
The OP stated the woman who made the comment is also overweight. I would have said "Have you looked at yourself in the mirror lately? Pot Kettle Black." and walked away with a smirk on my face. I guarantee that would be the last negative comment I would have received from that person.
Name calling. That's your solution. What a pleasant work environment that would be -- NOT!

I've been in the work force for many years, and I never hear or see anyone acting unprofessionally like that. And your suggestion puts gas on a burning fire, it doesn't contain or resolve it.
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Old 04-09-2019, 06:52 AM
 
8,088 posts, read 5,297,927 times
Reputation: 9241
Quote:
Originally Posted by Calvert Hall '62 View Post
Yet another opportunity to be "offended."
Quote:
Originally Posted by Oklazona Bound View Post
I just think the victim mentality that has taken over almost everything in American life is ridiculous. Someone said something insensitive. Wow. That has happened to me countless times over my lifetime. Its not what someone says that defines you its how you react to it that does.

The OP stated the woman who made the comment is also overweight. I would have said "Have you looked at yourself in the mirror lately? Pot Kettle Black." and walked away with a smirk on my face. I guarantee that would be the last negative comment I would have received from that person.
The setting is somewhat off. This is a work environment with a code of conduct. I don't believe telling another employee that he/she is getting fat is in the job description. People are expected to act "Professionally"

The name caller might be aloof in normal interactions with people or just a plain @hole.
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Old 04-09-2019, 07:06 AM
Status: "could've~would've~should've used 'have', not 'of'" (set 22 days ago)
 
Location: A Yankee in northeast TN
10,507 posts, read 14,335,765 times
Reputation: 23357
Quote:
Originally Posted by MissmamaAnnie View Post
LOL I did tell her..work on reading comprehension. I told her that I don't appreciate her comments but she backtracked and played dumb. typical. Weather I'm unhappy with my weight or not is not anyone's business but mine
There's a difference between standing up for yourself and just telling her you're offended. I comprehend just fine.
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Old 04-09-2019, 07:10 AM
 
Location: Grosse Ile Michigan
26,536 posts, read 62,999,930 times
Reputation: 30570
Our HR people get annoyed when they are called on to play Mom and mediate between squabbling children. the director's response to this would be: "Grow up and work it out between you." She has enough back patting to do given the CEOs propensity to tell people they are a "worthless pieces of shoot" when their performance is below exemplary.

"Ohh she called me a name" really is not going to get you anywhere. People call each other names all the time. Some people have poor social skills. some people are jut plain nasty, some people are blunt. No one has any right to work in a place where no one will ever say anything that they might take offense at. Free from harassment - yes. Free from angst or offense? Time to grow up this is the real world you live in Mommy is not available to keep away anything that bothers you or console you when you are offended because of some word.

Int he real world you will meet and have to work with all sorts of people. There are some great people and some who will call you fat, ugly, smelly, worthless piece of crap, etc. Some of them will be your boss. You can get over it, focus on the nice people and move forward with life, or you can refuse to grow up, change jobs constantly and live in a perpetual state of unhappiness.

I find it works best to thank someone for calling me something. "Oh thanks for saying that. I m glad you told me I have a fat butt. That was very nice of you. You are a great person."

Many times I find being genuine nice to someone who is nasty (not sarcastic but actually nice) will change them. Often they are nasty because they do n not like themselves and they know no one likes them. By being the better person and beingnice to them when they are being A-holes can turn them from a nasty opponent to an ally.

I learned this from my wife who is a better person than I am. Early on, when I was still young and stupid (and very strong), a tiff with a neighbor had risen to the point where I decided I was just going to go pull them out on their porch and beat the snot out of them. When I got home, the problem was completely and nicely resolved. My wife solved it. How? She made them some hot chocolate chip cookies and a pitcher of warm milk and took them over to the neighbors saying we seem to be getting off on the wrong foot here. They cleaned up the problem and we respectful decent neighbors from then on. Simiilar tactics works with problem neighbors over and over. Eventually I learned to employ this approach at work.

Make the lady some cookies. Even if it does not turn her around, it will make her fat and then you can just point at her bottom next time she says anything.
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Old 04-09-2019, 07:16 AM
 
Location: Los Angeles
12,184 posts, read 10,368,595 times
Reputation: 33215
My co-workers make skinny jokes/comments about me all the time. I ignore it and get my job done.
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Old 04-09-2019, 07:27 AM
 
Location: League City
3,380 posts, read 6,600,090 times
Reputation: 3986
Sticks and stones. Unless it's harassment, this is not worth a person's time to dwell on.

Yeah I have been called skinny too. One time I got fed up and made a quip about the girl's weight who called me skinny. That ended that real quick. But really the adult way to handle it is to let it slide and forget about it.

It appears the need for outrage and feeling offended has transcended social media into the workplace.
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Old 04-09-2019, 07:48 AM
 
Location: San Francisco
2,289 posts, read 513,329 times
Reputation: 1151
Quote:
Originally Posted by DanielWayne View Post
Sticks and stones. Unless it's harassment, this is not worth a person's time to dwell on.

It appears the need for outrage and feeling offended has transcended social media into the workplace.
I agree it’s not worth a person’s time to dwell on (unless it’s harassment) and about social media transcending into the workplace too, but I think it’s in a different way. There is an expectation of ‘professionalism’ in the workplace (or should be); and there seems to be a ‘dumbing down’ socially/professionally as a result of social media and online behavior which has become ‘acceptable’ or the ‘emotional standard’. People feel they can say whatever they want to say (forgetting it’s a professional environment, not a personal one) - and things have a way of escalating quickly when people don’t have a professional filter related to their personal opinions or feelings about coworkers.

Last edited by CorporateCowboy; 04-09-2019 at 07:57 AM..
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Old 04-09-2019, 08:02 AM
 
8,088 posts, read 5,297,927 times
Reputation: 9241
Quote:
Originally Posted by DanielWayne View Post
Sticks and stones. Unless it's harassment, this is not worth a person's time to dwell on.

Yeah I have been called skinny too. One time I got fed up and made a quip about the girl's weight who called me skinny. That ended that real quick. But really the adult way to handle it is to let it slide and forget about it.

It appears the need for outrage and feeling offended has transcended social media into the workplace.
You let it slide and it can embolden the person to continue and up the ante. OP confronted the person and advised her that it was inappropriate and not requested if this continues she should go to HR.

OP is following normal protocol. She told the person not to do it again. If that doesn't stop the person then she goes to HR.
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Old 04-09-2019, 08:22 AM
 
Location: DFW
556 posts, read 157,631 times
Reputation: 884
Quote:
Originally Posted by MissmamaAnnie View Post
what an ridiculous incoherent answer..no it's not choice. I can't choose to be offended as much as I can't choose my other emotions
Can't choose your emotions? Wow. I don't even know where to go with that, except that I hope you make up your mind one day that this is not true and start on a better path.
We should all be improving daily- mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually. That right there is a handful, so yes, middle-aged mom was right: it should not matter what's going on with someone else, and that goes both ways. She should not worry herself with your physical opportunities, and you should not worry yourself with her mental opportunities.
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