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Old 04-11-2019, 01:04 PM
 
Location: OHIO
2,354 posts, read 1,081,379 times
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Honestly, they probably don't really care.
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Old 04-11-2019, 01:13 PM
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Location: Ohio
16,823 posts, read 33,229,869 times
Reputation: 13612
Quote:
Originally Posted by sqhammer View Post
* I'm a little older than my coworkers and can't relate to their conversational topics that well (TV shows, bar hopping, clubbing, dating, etc.).
I'm thinking this one is a two-way street. Which means that they would miss you less than you fear. If you're not contributing interesting conversation, you might not be a valued companion for lunch.

Maybe that will help you clear your conscience about participating less often in the lunch gathering?
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Old 04-11-2019, 01:49 PM
 
2,377 posts, read 2,395,412 times
Reputation: 2373
Quote:
Originally Posted by Florida2014 View Post
Zero chance I would go to a 90 minute lunch on a *daily* basis and then work an extra 90 minutes. For me it's definitely diminishing returns with respect to work. The longer I'm parked in front of my desk the less effective I am. In and out as fast and efficiently as I can, if that means sitting alone and eating at my desk, so be it. And throw in the fact that these people are injecting politics in an area where that subject should never be brought up and I wouldn't feel the slightest bit of guilt for not joining them.
I would be curious in how many environments this would actually be valid. If you skip lunch, would you be allowed to leave work 90 minutes early? From a perception standpoint, the larger organization would see you leaving 1.5 hours early and would have an issue with that more than who went to lunch. [If they are gone for lunch for 90 min, they aren't seeing you working during those 90 minutes. But because they need to work the extra 90 min, they are all there to see you checkout early. What is the management structure like at your place of employment?]
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Old 04-11-2019, 01:53 PM
 
Location: SNA=>PDX 2013
2,676 posts, read 3,056,842 times
Reputation: 3132
This is a hard one. I think it depends on your work politics. My last company, I almost got fired because "HR had heard I wasn't happy" so they put me on a performance plan (that involved being happier, not actual work stuff, cuz that was all good). I am not joking. I hated doing a lot of the social things, but I knew if I didn't, it would end up at HR again, and them asking me if this place of work was the best fit or something crazy when all it was, was me not wanting to go to lunch with a specific group due to their conversation (like you, I wasn't a fit with THEM, but overall, the company and my own dept was a good fit - I also didn't work with any of those people directly).

So, if politics are strong in your office or you have stupid HR like I did, then play the game but back out every so often as another poster suggested saying you like to read, walk, meditate, as it helps you really relax and then focus, but that you will join them still.

Also, with conversations you're not part of, asking open-ended questions is always good, interested or not. Even if it's not your scene, saying, "it's not my scene, but ____ (ask your question)".

Sounds like the "typical Millennial" (sorry) that only cares about being friends with everyone and work is a social call.
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Old 04-11-2019, 01:55 PM
 
619 posts, read 269,383 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sqhammer View Post
* Coworkers go out, buy food and sit together every day.
* Usually lasts 75-90 mins.
* I'd rather just eat at my desk while working and get home 75-90 mins earlier every day.
* I also like to save money.
* I turn down lunch invitation occasionally, but if I do it too often then I know I'm viewed as a try-hard or a workaholic trying to out-compete them.
* Several of them always find a chance to interject their political opinions into the lunch conversation. I am opposite side of the political fence as them but it's the side that has to stay silent about its opinions nowadays, if you catch my drift.
* I'm a little older than my coworkers and can't relate to their conversational topics that well (TV shows, bar hopping, clubbing, dating, etc.).
* There are plenty of reasonably priced, quick food options within a quarter mile of our office, but they often want to drive to some local hot spot.
They are probably inviting you just to be polite, dude... You're overthinking.
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Old 04-11-2019, 04:57 PM
 
6,942 posts, read 3,068,290 times
Reputation: 4425
The issue is you can pander and jump around like a jester and still get laid off. But when you compromise yourself to be a ďteam playerĒ and still end up getting a pink slip itís going to be a big hit on your mental health.

You need to extract as much money as possible without compromising your sanity because everyone gets laid off and you need to make sure you are feathering your nest, this is not your company, you are getting paid to do Y so do Y, if you donít maximize your resume building and bank account and spend time pandering and ass kissing your going to regret it if the ax falls on you anyways.
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Old 04-11-2019, 04:58 PM
 
3,593 posts, read 1,388,880 times
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"dilemma" means only two choices.
1. go.
2. not go.
however, there may be more options.
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Old 04-11-2019, 05:14 PM
 
1,369 posts, read 1,115,220 times
Reputation: 2196
Quote:
Originally Posted by sqhammer View Post
* Coworkers go out, buy food and sit together every day.
* Usually lasts 75-90 mins.
* I'd rather just eat at my desk while working and get home 75-90 mins earlier every day.
* I also like to save money.
* I turn down lunch invitation occasionally, but if I do it too often then I know I'm viewed as a try-hard or a workaholic trying to out-compete them.
* Several of them always find a chance to interject their political opinions into the lunch conversation. I am opposite side of the political fence as them but it's the side that has to stay silent about its opinions nowadays, if you catch my drift.
* I'm a little older than my coworkers and can't relate to their conversational topics that well (TV shows, bar hopping, clubbing, dating, etc.).
* There are plenty of reasonably priced, quick food options within a quarter mile of our office, but they often want to drive to some local hot spot.
They don't seem like people you want to socialize with anyway. So, look at it from the perspective of what's in it for me. Look out for your own bottom-line. What can you gain by smoozing with these people? If nothing gained, continue to do what you're doing.
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Old 04-11-2019, 05:14 PM
 
Location: East of the Sun, West of the Moon
15,529 posts, read 17,755,782 times
Reputation: 30838
Your problem is that you seem to care too much. Just do your thing.

If anyone gives you grief, say what you just said, you'd rather just eat at your desk while working and get home 75-90 mins earlier every day, and you'd like to save money.

Only a fool would argue with that logic.
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Old 04-11-2019, 05:44 PM
 
3,981 posts, read 1,704,754 times
Reputation: 8108
Quote:
Originally Posted by cheapdad00 View Post
I would be curious in how many environments this would actually be valid. If you skip lunch, would you be allowed to leave work 90 minutes early? From a perception standpoint, the larger organization would see you leaving 1.5 hours early and would have an issue with that more than who went to lunch. [If they are gone for lunch for 90 min, they aren't seeing you working during those 90 minutes. But because they need to work the extra 90 min, they are all there to see you checkout early. What is the management structure like at your place of employment?]
There are plenty of environments where no one really cares. I havenít worked in an environment where people really cared for a while, but it has always been expected that you will make up the time. In my current job we get a 1-hour lunch, but we have a 3-hour lunch period and if we want to extend within the lunch period, it is really no big deal so long as we make up the time either before or after the longer lunch. I know it makes it pretty convenient for lunchtime doctor appointments, for example, because you donít have to use any sick leave.
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