U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Work and Employment
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 05-01-2019, 10:05 PM
'M'
 
Location: Glendale Country Club
1,818 posts, read 2,616,909 times
Reputation: 2546

Advertisements

All of us were told to stop gossiping when we each went in for our individual counseling session....there were 10 of us in this department. The counselor needed to get each of our story about what was happening. This was because there was a lot of talking about what was happening, the bully made everything pretty intense so I think the counselor labeled it "gossiping", which I suppose it was. I felt it was a reflection of my survival of the toxic behavior directed toward me.

Last edited by 'M'; 05-01-2019 at 10:47 PM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 05-01-2019, 10:10 PM
'M'
 
Location: Glendale Country Club
1,818 posts, read 2,616,909 times
Reputation: 2546
Quote:
Originally Posted by DubbleT View Post
I think you're confusing bullying with threats of physical violence.
Physical violence and threats of physical violence are two components of narcissistic bullying. Narcissists often become angry and can turn to violence when they are unmasked, or perceive a narcissistic injury. A narcissistic injury is how a narissisit reacts to boundary setting, for example. When we set a boundary with a narcissist regarding their bullying - "I can't talk with you when you are yelling at me." - the narcissist does not like this truthfulness. They may react with rage, and violence, at the worst. Mine did. It is all about their perception. A healthy person would think "You know, she's right. My behavior is really out of line. I need to tone down my communication style and stop yelling." The average person would not interpret it the same way a narcissist does.

Also, to address part of this thread...the hospital work place is considered a blue collar environment, believe it or not. Even nursing with an R.N. job title is considered blue collar.

Here is a quote from expert Ross Rosenberg:

"Narcissist abuse syndrome is a chronic pattern of physical, emotional, and/or sexual abuse perpetrated by a pathological narcissist against weak, vulnerable and often gaslit individuals."

Here are links to two articles on the Narcissist. The second link is a comprehensive educational course in narcissism.


https://psychcentral.com/lib/stop-tr...nt-narcissist/ by Ross Rosenberg


https://blogs.psychcentral.com/relat...dium=popular17. by By Athena Staik, Ph.D. Last updated: 31 Aug 2018
~ 18 MIN READ


.

Last edited by 'M'; 05-01-2019 at 11:05 PM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-01-2019, 11:18 PM
'M'
 
Location: Glendale Country Club
1,818 posts, read 2,616,909 times
Reputation: 2546
Quote:
Originally Posted by ironpony View Post
It seems that way with jobs I've worked in factory and warehouse environment so far, that there has always got to be at least one person though who bullies everyone around, even threatening in ways... Especially when I was in mining, that was really bad for that.

I talked about it with my friends and they said it's because in those jobs, a lot of people with criminal background work in those jobs, and even ex-cons sometimes, trying to make a living, so those kinds of jobs, are more likely going to have more ill-tempered people working there, who may have a more fascist mind, hence, why they probably have committed crimes in the first place, out of some sort of moral superiority complex.

But do you think that's true though, that jobs that are more likely to not hire ex-cons and people with records, would be a more friendly environment to work in?

Definitely not! Even a very friendly seeming work place may not be that at all underneath the narcissistic manipulations that may be present there. At work, we need to be aware of narcissist management and narcissistic co-workers. Read the second article I posted above...it's full of info. The vast majority of narcissists do not have prison records. It's important to remember: a narcissist could be "Any Man. Any Woman." They can be well-dressed, drive a very expensive car. Live in a mansion up the hill. They can come from the very best of families. From wealthy families. From respected families. Narcissism knows no bounds. The narcissist knows how to manipulate people and knows one thing: they want to manage your impression of them and they'll do anything to draw you in. They do it in such a way that you won't even be aware of it.

They are average people working in white collar jobs in banks, real estate, major corporations ... or your next-door neighbor, or even your supposed 'best friend'. They work in blue collar jobs like warehouses, mines, factories, grocery stores. Anyone has the potential to be the narcissist next door. That is why it's important to not rush in too quickly to get to know anyone these days. Take your time getting to know co-workers and potential 'friends'. Notice how they treat you over time. Get some history with them before you move in too quickly to be their best friend. I am not sure about what your friend told you about how many people have criminal backgrounds because it's not easy to get a job when you have a criminal background. I have known only a couple people in my life who had a criminal record.

We'd need to check this out with an expert, like a Human Resources director, or a lawyer. Do you know any?

Here are search results about spotting the narcissist at work...there are lots to choose from:

https://www.google.com/search?client...iz.9kq9pZ8hflw

Last edited by 'M'; 05-01-2019 at 11:38 PM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-01-2019, 11:59 PM
'M'
 
Location: Glendale Country Club
1,818 posts, read 2,616,909 times
Reputation: 2546
ironpony ...

whew! not an easy assignment. Here is another search on work place narcissism. Hope this helps you sort through your uncertainties. There are many good descriptions of both blue collar and white collar narcissism. I think you can take the qualities listed and apply them to either type of work environment. All I can say is - it does take practice. Practice can make perfect after a while. One of the best pieces of advice I've seen is the Observe Don't Absorb technique. You can go to YouTube, go to Ross Rosenberg's channel, then look for his Observe Don't Absorb video on YouTube.


https://www.google.com/search?client...60.yz2UC94XeLw
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-02-2019, 02:24 AM
 
936 posts, read 1,058,897 times
Reputation: 1777
Quote:
Originally Posted by bobsell View Post
Sociopaths exist.

See the Gervais Principle.

They're not limited to manufacturing, they're everywhere. If you see a bully, there is a measurable chance they're a sociopath.
Remember when they used to tell us bullies bully because they’re secretly insecure or hurting. My experience did not support that concept and a few years ago I read that the experts were starting to reevaluate that theory.

Every walk of life has bullies, it’s not limited to certain fields. I think Blue-collar jobs are more overt in their bullying but either type is detrimental.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-02-2019, 06:35 AM
 
4,882 posts, read 1,553,062 times
Reputation: 1437
Oh okay, so I guess blue collar jobs are not worse for it then . But I suppose the best thing to do about is report it I'm guessing, cause it seems that de-escalation, will only make them try harder later, and it's best to just report it and nip it in the bud, so to speak?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-02-2019, 07:22 AM
 
Location: Proxima Centauri
4,826 posts, read 1,994,666 times
Reputation: 5274
I'm waiting to see the first lawsuit in New York City on religious grounds. Religious nepotism is alive and well in the professions.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-02-2019, 08:44 AM
'M'
 
Location: Glendale Country Club
1,818 posts, read 2,616,909 times
Reputation: 2546
Quote:
Originally Posted by ironpony View Post
Oh okay, so I guess blue collar jobs are not worse for it then . But I suppose the best thing to do about is report it I'm guessing, cause it seems that de-escalation, will only make them try harder later, and it's best to just report it and nip it in the bud, so to speak?
ironpony - question: are you currently being bullied on-the-job?

From my own experience, 15 years ago, when I worked at the hospital, I did report this person to Human Resources. They did absolutely nothing...and I don't believe they set any boundaries with this bully or told her to just 'stop'. She was actually good friends with one of the Human Resources specialists. - they went outside to smoke together every day. The only thing that eventually happened - two years later - was we all had to go individually to the Employee Assistance Counselor. In our private sessions, each of us was told to 'stop gossiping' and that was all that was done. Of course, the bully's behavior never changed even after counseling. She continued her behavior exactly as she had done before. Immediately after our individual counseling sessions, the counselor had a meeting with me and the bully. We were told be professional at work. I was professional all the time, the bully was not. She acted out constantly and I won't even go into all the acting out she did while she was at work. Nothing was done there, either. I think the counselor had this meeting to pacify management in some way. I didn't really understand it. This meeting between the 3 of us seemed like it was just for show to make management think something was being done. Ha! this dynamic is next to impossible to stop unless they fire the bully. Often, they will not do that. The bully is a very experienced manipulator and somehow they always get around management and go on their merry, bullying way.

The bully would leave our department every day and go around to visit all the managers at the hospital. Our supervisor was often at meetings most of the day, so unless one of the other employees told the supervisor how the bully was always gone during the day, the supervisor did not know what the bully was up to when she was in meetings all day. In fact, the bully schmoozed our supervisor, and thought the bully was a WONDERFUL person. The bully told the supervisor everything she wanted to hear. The bully was schmoozing with the hospital management team, building up her chances for a transfer to a better job. Today, she is still at the hospital, and is in the information technology department, making a high salary...proably 2-3 times what she was making when she first began working at the hospital. So, she has never had to be held accountable for her behavior in any way. The reason I know this is because the other employees would make comments about how busy it had been on a particular day. They commented how the bully just left them there, swamped with work, and they were not at all happy about her lack of team work. The bully was the same level employee as the rest of us. She wasn't our manager, she was a rank and file employee.

By the way, I had been going periodically to the Employee Assistance Counselor privately for at least 2-3 years. He had been helping me deal with the stress of what was going on. He told me: "Emily, you are very different from these people at the hospital. You don't belong with these people." He never told me to quit my job at the hospital. Ha! there were probably so many people coming to him for counseling, he'd need to tell 1/2 the hospital to quit their job. Some counselors might have told me that....like my current trauma therapist, who never hesitates to help me learn to protect myself from toxic people, which means to leave the situation as soon as possible. We are the only one who can 'control' out situation. We do not control it by confronting the bully. We can, however, learn to set boundaries with the bully, in a professional way. Always remain professional!! Do not stoop to their level. DO NOT EVER RETALIATE AGAINST A BULLY. Always document what happens between you and the bully. Keep copies of your documentation. You can also give copies of your documentation to your supervisor and to Human Resrouces. Use the Observe Don't Absorb technique. Leave the disciplining to management. But be prepared: just because we set boundaries - such as: "Please stop talking to me like that. We need to be professionals here. We all need to be team players." Be prepared for the bully's response: they will just continue on with their toxic behavior. Then we need to learn to manage our response and remain professional at work. It is not easy to do!! The town this took place in - Estes Park, CO - is a very small town of around 6-7,000 people. The hospital could not afford to lose employees.

This experience with bullying at the hospital changed me in a very profound way...and not in a good way. I am a different person now....I am much more sensitive and have a lot of fear and anxiety. Since I've always been a highly sensitive person, I have never been able to just brush off their behavior. Once in a great while, maybe, yes. I just cannot seem to master how to deal with them in a non-personalized way. It is always upsetting to me when I meet a bully. I'm just too sensitive and I guess that will never change. I think the bully lied to Human Resources about me, and made me seem to have more to do with the problem than I actually did. She was an expert at executing smear campaigns, as I found when she turned almost every one of my hospital friends and co-workers against me, due to her smears of me. I have no idea how bullies are able to accomplish this, but there is much written about it on the internet by experts. It makes no sense, yet it has a life of its own.

Last edited by 'M'; 05-02-2019 at 09:40 AM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-02-2019, 08:46 AM
'M'
 
Location: Glendale Country Club
1,818 posts, read 2,616,909 times
Reputation: 2546
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tonyafd View Post
I'm waiting to see the first lawsuit in New York City on religious grounds. Religious nepotism is alive and well in the professions.
Tonyafd - would you be willing to share a little bit more about this particular lawsuit? I would like to follow it. I take the NYTimes so possibly it will be written up there.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-02-2019, 10:07 AM
 
Location: Frisco, TX
1,166 posts, read 535,082 times
Reputation: 1872
I don’t know, but white collar managers can be pretty catty.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Work and Employment
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top