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Old 05-13-2019, 07:37 AM
 
Location: Austin, TX via San Antonio, TX
6,165 posts, read 8,644,019 times
Reputation: 3404

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Parnassia View Post

The person who needs to hear it also matters a lot. Everyone is slightly different. Some people maybe like you, are open to hearing it. Others not so much. A compliment to one person could be an insult to another. They may already be stressed out and quick to go on the defensive no matter how you do it. When people get defensive they almost stop hearing what's being said. Performance evaluations are a necessary evil. Hardly anyone likes getting them or giving them. There are a million methods out there that try. It's a very touchy and sensitive thing for any manager/supervisor to do. Like most things its a matter of balance and communication. If you want on-the-spot comments, let your supervisor know this. And then be ready to get it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jowel View Post

As the OP describes it, having a minor mistakes or minor social faux pas brought up months later, that could have easily been addressed if not the moment it happened, at least shortly after, would put even the most professional, conscientious, and reasonable person on the defensive..."Tom, your tone of voice on October 14, 2018 was too abrupt when you were talking to Richard about the Marston file. Because of that, your interpersonal skills grade is going to have to drop from a B+ to a C-." Tom (and Richard) probably don't even remember this months later. It makes sense to discuss patterns of performance and behavior during an evaluation, but not hitting someone fresh with minor infractions for the first time months after they happen. That's both ineffective and needlessly awkward.
I think it's a combination of both situations. It might be that they need time to think about how a meeting or interaction went to process and it might be that it's just something small that maybe you just rubbed someone the wrong way in the moment, then it could be addressed at the time. I also think it's a combination of everyone being extra sensitive in addressing the issue.

While I was driving to work this morning listening to the radio, I was able to kind of make the connection of these colleagues almost "ghosting" me and not letting me assist them because of these things. They're unable to bring them up to me, so they just tell their other colleagues and friends that it bothered them and instead of saying, like in a relationship, "Hey you broke my trust by doing this thing..." they just let it go and don't say anything and just stop talking to that person. Kind of like the segments on the radio where someone says, "Hey when we ate wings on our first date you licked your fingers after every bite and I cannot hanlde that, do you think you can stop?" And then you agree to go on another date with them and they do it again AND have sauce on their face. And you look it over and then you kiss the person and they smell like fish....so instead of telling the person that, they lick their fingers (they an stop), they have sauce on their face (hey, wipe your face off), you smell like fish (oh, I take fish oil supplements, I won't on the days we go out...) it all piles up and instead of saying the criticisms it just sits and then the person it bothers just stops talking to the other person who had NO idea any othese things were an issue because otherwise things are going well....

Whether it be a personal or professional relationship this kind of stuff is hard. And it looks like I'm on the end that it needs to be confronted and no one wants to do the confonting. It's scary and it's hard, but these are colleagues that have some authority in their role and they haven't done it....it's been sine Thursday since I've had this conversation with my supervisor and it's still really bothering me.

I am going to start checking in after interactions to gauge the feelings of co-workers and attempt to have end of the year meetings with everyone to express my thanks in working with them and to encourage them to speak out when or if something happens.....
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Old 05-13-2019, 10:36 AM
 
792 posts, read 210,322 times
Reputation: 1322
Quote:
Originally Posted by ashbeeigh View Post
I think it's a combination of both situations. It might be that they need time to think about how a meeting or interaction went to process and it might be that it's just something small that maybe you just rubbed someone the wrong way in the moment, then it could be addressed at the time. I also think it's a combination of everyone being extra sensitive in addressing the issue.

While I was driving to work this morning listening to the radio, I was able to kind of make the connection of these colleagues almost "ghosting" me and not letting me assist them because of these things. They're unable to bring them up to me, so they just tell their other colleagues and friends that it bothered them and instead of saying, like in a relationship, "Hey you broke my trust by doing this thing..." they just let it go and don't say anything and just stop talking to that person. Kind of like the segments on the radio where someone says, "Hey when we ate wings on our first date you licked your fingers after every bite and I cannot hanlde that, do you think you can stop?" And then you agree to go on another date with them and they do it again AND have sauce on their face. And you look it over and then you kiss the person and they smell like fish....so instead of telling the person that, they lick their fingers (they an stop), they have sauce on their face (hey, wipe your face off), you smell like fish (oh, I take fish oil supplements, I won't on the days we go out...) it all piles up and instead of saying the criticisms it just sits and then the person it bothers just stops talking to the other person who had NO idea any othese things were an issue because otherwise things are going well....

Whether it be a personal or professional relationship this kind of stuff is hard. And it looks like I'm on the end that it needs to be confronted and no one wants to do the confonting. It's scary and it's hard, but these are colleagues that have some authority in their role and they haven't done it....it's been sine Thursday since I've had this conversation with my supervisor and it's still really bothering me.

I am going to start checking in after interactions to gauge the feelings of co-workers and attempt to have end of the year meetings with everyone to express my thanks in working with them and to encourage them to speak out when or if something happens.....


Be careful you do not put the onus on "clients" to speak out. Some may feel that you should have the requisite skills (interpersonal or otherwise) and it's not their job to speak out. You would be better served to put the onus on yourself to proactively seek feedback or ask your supervisor to solicit feedback on your behalf.
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Old 05-13-2019, 11:03 AM
 
Location: HoCo, MD
4,339 posts, read 7,982,576 times
Reputation: 4756
Quote:
Originally Posted by Maddie104 View Post
[/b]

Be careful you do not put the onus on "clients" to speak out. Some may feel that you should have the requisite skills (interpersonal or otherwise) and it's not their job to speak out. You would be better served to put the onus on yourself to proactively seek feedback or ask your supervisor to solicit feedback on your behalf.
^ This.

There is a difference between someone freely offering feedback vs. being solicited for feedback.

More likely than not - feedback is only going to be offered if the effort is worth it or required to bring about a change.

If you want that feedback - you need to ask for it. And it shouldn't be something passive like "hey, feel free to speak up if something isn't going well". But specific sessions where you are doing a lesson's learned or status updates where you specifically ask questions.

Part of it is also personality and their comfort with you. Some will be on the opposite of the spectrum and give you feedback on everything you do the minute you do them.
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