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Old 05-16-2019, 04:45 PM
 
56 posts, read 19,274 times
Reputation: 54

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I work in a very small group, its myself and 2 other people in my office. And us 3 work within a larger team of about 15 people spread along the east coast.

Of the two people in my office, one of them has been there longer than me and the other guy. Me and the new guy were hired recently to help ramp up the business and emerging development in our area. Ever since I started the one who's been here longer has been somewhat catty. Very slow to offer information, and plays dumb about things.

Today I learned that she worked on a side project with my other co-worker and didn't tell me about it. I found out about it at the same time as the other 15 people in our other offices, when they sent out an email blast about the work. I was shocked. I didn't realize she would be so bold to just flat out not include me.

To add insult to injury, I had a weekly call with boss earlier this week. And he asked me a weird question out of the blue -- asking if I'd talked to my co-workers last week. I thought that was weird, and said yeah we'd briefly chatted but nothing worth mentioning. I now realize he knew about their project and didn't mind that I was being excluded. I feel shocked and hurt.

Any thoughts on how to deal with this?
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Old 05-16-2019, 04:58 PM
 
Location: Southern California
5,433 posts, read 8,149,690 times
Reputation: 5090
OK, so you're supposed to be on this project for sure? Sounds like the boss didn't care that you weren't in it OR is making it optional for you. Get it clear from the boss him or herself if you're supposed to work on this or not. OR was this going to be a blind-sided set-up from your 2 sneaky coworkers in which when it's deadline time, you'll look like an idiot because you didn't do your share of the work?

I'd hate working somewhere were I feel like the odd man out & the others are so close. I'd rather just have a solitary job in which I'm completely alone...which is kind of the type of jobs I've had pretty much.

Well, 1st find out if you're supposed to be doing this project too. If so, approach your coworkers & kindly let know. So they, especially 1 of them is already acting like they dislike you from day 1. I hate that feeling too.

Try to make the best of it since you work so closely w/ these two. I know it's easier said than done, but unless you can quit, what can you do.
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Old 05-16-2019, 05:05 PM
 
17,002 posts, read 20,676,296 times
Reputation: 33988
Quote:
Originally Posted by mua_fifi View Post
I work in a very small group, its myself and 2 other people in my office. And us 3 work within a larger team of about 15 people spread along the east coast.

Of the two people in my office, one of them has been there longer than me and the other guy. Me and the new guy were hired recently to help ramp up the business and emerging development in our area. Ever since I started the one who's been here longer has been somewhat catty. Very slow to offer information, and plays dumb about things.

Today I learned that she worked on a side project with my other co-worker and didn't tell me about it. I found out about it at the same time as the other 15 people in our other offices, when they sent out an email blast about the work. I was shocked. I didn't realize she would be so bold to just flat out not include me.

To add insult to injury, I had a weekly call with boss earlier this week. And he asked me a weird question out of the blue -- asking if I'd talked to my co-workers last week. I thought that was weird, and said yeah we'd briefly chatted but nothing worth mentioning. I now realize he knew about their project and didn't mind that I was being excluded. I feel shocked and hurt.

Any thoughts on how to deal with this?
Are you sure of this, or is this just what you feel?

I would get that cleared up with the boss, just stick with the facts. You were not included in this project and had no knowledge of it until everyone in the other locations were emailed about it.

You can than say you found it odd to have no knowledge of this project since you're such a small office and see what he says.
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Old 05-16-2019, 05:11 PM
 
56 posts, read 19,274 times
Reputation: 54
It wasn't a mandatory project, but it was a social event they organized for our shared clients. So its more like an extra credit project you could call it. It makes them both look extremely good. I wouldve like to atleast know about the event since our shared clients were going to be there. I feel like it's an outright slap in the face to not even mention it.

What's even more hurtful is that in the past when I thought of ideas to do events like this, I told them both and asked if they'd be interested in planning something like this with me. We all got too busy and never got around to it. So to have them go behind my back, organize this, and execute it, is not only hurtful but seems vindictive.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Forever Blue View Post
OK, so you're supposed to be on this project for sure? Sounds like the boss didn't care that you weren't in it OR is making it optional for you. Get it clear from the boss him or herself if you're supposed to work on this or not. OR was this going to be a blind-sided set-up from your 2 sneaky coworkers in which when it's deadline time, you'll look like an idiot because you didn't do your share of the work?

I'd hate working somewhere were I feel like the odd man out & the others are so close. I'd rather just have a solitary job in which I'm completely alone...which is kind of the type of jobs I've had pretty much.

Well, 1st find out if you're supposed to be doing this project too. If so, approach your coworkers & kindly let know. So they, especially 1 of them is already acting like they dislike you from day 1. I hate that feeling too.

Try to make the best of it since you work so closely w/ these two. I know it's easier said than done, but unless you can quit, what can you do.
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Old 05-16-2019, 05:14 PM
 
56 posts, read 19,274 times
Reputation: 54
Good point, I'll word it like that on our next conversation.

The reason I think he didn't care is because usually bosses are about maintaining equity and harmony for work related things. If he'd known about it ahead of time, why would he stay silent.

It's one thing to socialize outside of work with whomever you like and prefer, but to exclude people from work related matters seems to be unprofessional and nasty.

Quote:
Originally Posted by seain dublin View Post
Are you sure of this, or is this just what you feel?

I would get that cleared up with the boss, just stick with the facts. You were not included in this project and had no knowledge of it until everyone in the other locations were emailed about it.

You can than say you found it odd to have no knowledge of this project since you're such a small office and see what he says.
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Old 05-16-2019, 10:43 PM
 
86 posts, read 33,724 times
Reputation: 96
Quote:
Originally Posted by mua_fifi View Post
It wasn't a mandatory project, but it was a social event they organized for our shared clients. So its more like an extra credit project you could call it. It makes them both look extremely good.
I have never worked a day in my life in an office but if I had coworkers like that; I would be glad that they didn't include me if they are going to be toxic like that.

So what if they look good? Good for them, I would keep interactions with them to a minimum and wouldn't go to any extra work with them unless I absolutely need to. If I did, I again would keep things professional but kept interactions with them to a minimum. I would only make it an issue if it creates an issue with you and your boss.

I know it's not a good feeling but you at least know how they really are.
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Old 05-19-2019, 05:09 AM
 
Location: Seymour TN
1,907 posts, read 5,640,967 times
Reputation: 1245
My suggestion is go to lunch with the two of them and be as honest as you are comfortable being. Tell them you felt excluded and ask how to prevent it from happening again. Tell them you want to be part of the team and if there is something they don't like about you, or some problem the boss has with you, to please tell you what it is. I think you need this information in order to determine if you should stay there or look for another job.
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Old 05-19-2019, 08:45 AM
 
5,123 posts, read 2,754,399 times
Reputation: 9441
Quote:
Originally Posted by mua_fifi View Post
I work in a very small group, its myself and 2 other people in my office. And us 3 work within a larger team of about 15 people spread along the east coast.

Of the two people in my office, one of them has been there longer than me and the other guy. Me and the new guy were hired recently to help ramp up the business and emerging development in our area. Ever since I started the one who's been here longer has been somewhat catty. Very slow to offer information, and plays dumb about things.

Today I learned that she worked on a side project with my other co-worker and didn't tell me about it. I found out about it at the same time as the other 15 people in our other offices, when they sent out an email blast about the work. I was shocked. I didn't realize she would be so bold to just flat out not include me.

To add insult to injury, I had a weekly call with boss earlier this week. And he asked me a weird question out of the blue -- asking if I'd talked to my co-workers last week. I thought that was weird, and said yeah we'd briefly chatted but nothing worth mentioning. I now realize he knew about their project and didn't mind that I was being excluded. I feel shocked and hurt.

Any thoughts on how to deal with this?

How about instead of being shocked and hurt try to understand why. They may not think you're capable, interested, or maybe it is indeed personal.



Rather than deflecting your feelings upon someone else improve yourself!
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Old 05-20-2019, 11:10 AM
 
903 posts, read 231,911 times
Reputation: 2052
Quote:
Originally Posted by mua_fifi View Post
It wasn't a mandatory project, but it was a social event they organized for our shared clients. So its more like an extra credit project you could call it. It makes them both look extremely good. I wouldve like to atleast know about the event since our shared clients were going to be there. I feel like it's an outright slap in the face to not even mention it.

What's even more hurtful is that in the past when I thought of ideas to do events like this, I told them both and asked if they'd be interested in planning something like this with me. We all got too busy and never got around to it. So to have them go behind my back, organize this, and execute it, is not only hurtful but seems vindictive.
So, you've tried to organize social events like this before but never made it come to fruition. Hmm. Perhaps they thought you weren't qualified to ever actually make it happen, all talk, no follow through, that sort of thing.
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Old 05-20-2019, 11:35 AM
 
Location: Aurora Denveralis
8,604 posts, read 3,032,047 times
Reputation: 12847
Make sure no part of this is an assumption that people you work with are "friends." They're not.

You can be friends with co-workers, but it's an entirely separate relationship and making assumptions about how you connect with the guy at the next desk is a road to friction and upset.
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