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Old 05-23-2019, 04:46 PM
 
Location: Western Washington
8,931 posts, read 8,394,310 times
Reputation: 15515

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Quote:
Originally Posted by BusyMeAK View Post
As a coworker, why should I have unneeded, unwanted, not pertaining to my job duties information about your orientation? I don't gossip, I don't need anything to chew on. Mod cut.

Let people know you first as a person, and when relationships are established, you'll see for yourself whom to talk to about what isn't supposed to be topic for conversations at work at all, and who would consider it totally inappropriate.
Because these things inevitably come out unless you take great pains to hide them, and people should not have to be concerned with the reactions of others. Heterosexuals drop clues unthinkingly all the time, why should OP have to be concerned about how he refers to his partner in passing?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kthnry View Post
Exactly. I'm not a big fan of socializing with coworkers, but I can't remember a job where I didn't know the general home situation (single? married? kids?) of everyone in my daily circle within a few months. Not discussing it, or keeping it private, would seem weird to me and might cause gossip and speculation. Who needs that?
Exactly.

Quote:
Originally Posted by seain dublin View Post
This, and if someone asks where you live you name the city or town.

Try making a good impression to your boss and coworkers with your job skills. That's really all they should care about.

You are there to work not socialize and discuss your private life.
Being gay does not preclude doing a good job. You are setting up a false dichotomy.

We are not robots. Sooner or later OP is going to want to take a sick day because ‘Robert’ is sick. Isn’t that more natural than saying he is taking a sick day because ‘my partner’ is sick?
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Old 05-23-2019, 06:24 PM
 
1,293 posts, read 947,560 times
Reputation: 2307
Quote:
Originally Posted by emm74 View Post
You get "unneeded, unwanted, not pertaining to your job duties information about orientation" regarding straight people all the time - family photos on their desk, a mention that "my wife/husband and I did X over the weekend" etc. You may not notice it so much but it's the same information. It's no more inappropriate for someone to share that degree of info if they happen to have a same sex partner. No one is saying that people are going to share the details of their sexual activities.
Really? Knowing that my colleague doesn't have a degree needed for the job will make me find a way to teach her differently, while knowing her bed habits won't do me any good. If she says "my wife" I will know she is lesbian, but please save me from drama of coming out, discussions, complains about how insecure she feels, etc. I'm no mama here. If she says "my wife and me went to a museum, it was fascinating" i would happily discuss the museum with her and will be equally interested in her opinion, whether she is gay or not, unless I hear bias based on some - not necessarily orientation - discrimination crap.
Work hard, help others, and be nice, that's what will make people like you at work.

Last edited by BusyMeAK; 05-23-2019 at 06:55 PM..
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Old 05-23-2019, 10:51 PM
 
Location: Eugene, Oregon
9,125 posts, read 2,996,123 times
Reputation: 13763
If my co-workers of any and all descriptions have families, I don't want to know about it. Having a family shouldn't give you any more status at work, although many of those with families seem to think that it does.
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Old 05-24-2019, 02:55 AM
 
645 posts, read 313,138 times
Reputation: 1361
Hubby and I are “conservatives” and we don't care if one is gay. He works with a couple of transgenders in a corporate cubicle setting....no issues.....Live your life as the fine upstanding citizen that you are.

Last edited by Mae Maes Garden; 05-24-2019 at 03:13 AM..
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Old 05-24-2019, 06:32 AM
 
925 posts, read 253,784 times
Reputation: 2529
Quote:
Originally Posted by BusyMeAK View Post
As a coworker, why should I have unneeded, unwanted, not pertaining to my job duties information about your orientation? I don't gossip, I don't need anything to chew on. Mod cut.

Let people know you first as a person, and when relationships are established, you'll see for yourself whom to talk to about what isn't supposed to be topic for conversations at work at all, and who would consider it totally inappropriate.
So you never mention your family at work at all? When someone asks if you're married or have kids, you just refuse to answer? No one at work has any idea what your family is like? You never have these types of conversations:

"What did you do this weekend?"
"Oh my wife and I took the kids up to the cabin."

"Sorry I'm late; my husband's car wouldn't start and I had to jump it for him."

"I'll be off on Friday because I have to take my wife for a medical procedure."

"My in-laws are coming for a week."
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Old 05-24-2019, 09:46 AM
 
1,105 posts, read 590,409 times
Reputation: 3909
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChicahgoChicahgo View Post
My current work environment is VERY conservative though and I've never felt comfortable being out to anyone. I'm starting a new job soon and it just seems ridiculous now at my age to either lie or not be open about myself to co-workers. I still don't plan on giving personal updates to co-workers, but it would nice to just be myself, and part of myself is that I'm gay.

In your current workplace, is it commonplace for gay people to be out and treated normally? I really do mean normally...no awkwardness, no weird treatment because they think you're a novelty, and no standoffishness.

Should I just start right off on my first day and say when my new manager asks where I live, "My partner and I just bought a house in XXXXXX."
You'd be surprised at how tolerant most conservative people are. We just want to not pay so much in taxes and we don't want them going to people who aren't willing to work or live decent lives while being respectful of society and their communities.

I don't care if you stick your willy in your partner's backside, I just don't want to have to tolerate criminals on the streets or pay for things like Narcan or methodone clinics for losers who choose that kind of irresponsible life.

We are not what the radical media makes us out to be. Work hard, play hard, go home and live a normal life and leave others alone while not being a drain upon society. That's all anyone asks.
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Old 05-24-2019, 02:35 PM
 
Location: Shawnee-on-Delaware, PA
3,901 posts, read 3,579,980 times
Reputation: 7180
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChicahgoChicahgo View Post
In your current workplace, is it commonplace for gay people to be out and treated normally? I really do mean normally...no awkwardness, no weird treatment because they think you're a novelty, and no standoffishness.
Yes, it's common where I work. Family-owned company, fairly conservative (closed on Good Friday for example). We serve an industry that has a lot of other family-owned companies, many in the Bible belt. I'm not aware of any of my gay co-workers receiving ill treatment either here or at our customers' places of business. For the record we're a white collar company but our customers have plenty of blue collar employees. It's 2019.
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Old 05-24-2019, 04:14 PM
 
6,952 posts, read 3,857,584 times
Reputation: 14771
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChicahgoChicahgo View Post
I'm gay and been together with my partner for 15 years. At every job prior to my current one, at least one co-worker knew I was gay and in some cases, most co-workers did. Even then I am a private person and don't divulge a lot about my life. My current work environment is VERY conservative though and I've never felt comfortable being out to anyone. I'm starting a new job soon and it just seems ridiculous now at my age to either lie or not be open about myself to co-workers. I still don't plan on giving personal updates to co-workers, but it would nice to just be myself, and part of myself is that I'm gay.


In your current workplace, is it commonplace for gay people to be out and treated normally? I really do mean normally...no awkwardness, no weird treatment because they think you're a novelty, and no standoffishness.


Should I just start right off on my first day and say when my new manager asks where I live, "My partner and I just bought a house in XXXXXX."
That's on you, no one else.

If someone asks where you live, do you tell them what you had for dinner last night? Let conversations set their own course; there's no reason to force feed them. When the right time to add more information comes up, you'll know. Try to relax and enjoy the ride, certainly nobody at work cares about this as much as you do.
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Old 05-24-2019, 04:32 PM
 
1,604 posts, read 1,119,998 times
Reputation: 2414
Quote:
Originally Posted by InchingWest View Post
You'd be surprised at how tolerant most conservative people are. We just want to not pay so much in taxes and we don't want them going to people who aren't willing to work or live decent lives while being respectful of society and their communities.

I don't care if you stick your willy in your partner's backside, I just don't want to have to tolerate criminals on the streets or pay for things like Narcan or methodone clinics for losers who choose that kind of irresponsible life.

We are not what the radical media makes us out to be. Work hard, play hard, go home and live a normal life and leave others alone while not being a drain upon society. That's all anyone asks.
Really? If conservatives are so tolerant, why is the current administration rolling back protections for LGBTQ people and forbidding trans people from serving in the military? Is that how you define "leaving others alone"?
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Old 05-24-2019, 05:05 PM
 
1,604 posts, read 1,119,998 times
Reputation: 2414
Quote:
Originally Posted by kokonutty View Post
If someone asks where you live, do you tell them what you had for dinner last night? Let conversations set their own course; there's no reason to force feed them. When the right time to add more information comes up, you'll know. Try to relax and enjoy the ride, certainly nobody at work cares about this as much as you do.
The problem with this approach is that every time you reveal something unusual and personal about yourself to a new person, you have to deal with that person's reaction. You can see it on their face as they pause and process the information -- "Hmm, he said "partner." Does that mean he's gay? Should I say something supportive or just pretend it didn't register?" And you have to wonder what else they're thinking: "Ewww, death to queers; I'm not working with this guy" vs. "Cool! Maybe we can hang out." It can be a long, awkward pause when you're just chatting in the break room.

Have you ever had a tragedy, like a death in the family or a serious medical condition? Would you want to reveal this information separately to each of your 30 (or whatever) immediate coworkers in the ol' break room over the course of a month or so? Or would you rather just put it out there to everyone and get it over with?
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