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Old 05-23-2019, 11:57 AM
DKM
 
Location: Thousand Oaks, CA
2,828 posts, read 1,008,778 times
Reputation: 2847

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The time it happened to me, I told a manager. I don't have time for people who can't control their emotions or think they can use anger to motivate. I never let it get to me. Tell the manager you don't have a real problem but wanted them to be aware of it.
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Old 05-23-2019, 12:01 PM
 
497 posts, read 675,036 times
Reputation: 347
Quote:
Originally Posted by DKM View Post
The time it happened to me, I told a manager. I don't have time for people who can't control their emotions or think they can use anger to motivate. I never let it get to me. Tell the manager you don't have a real problem but wanted them to be aware of it.
Has there been a time when you told and it is was received poorly?
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Old 05-23-2019, 01:46 PM
 
5,463 posts, read 2,923,476 times
Reputation: 24522
Quote:
Originally Posted by jobseeker2013 View Post
...called me lazy.
I will agree she is unprofessional. She should have handled her emotions much better.
How much of what she said is true?
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Old 05-23-2019, 02:04 PM
 
1,369 posts, read 1,112,960 times
Reputation: 2196
Frankly, I would have told her she was out of bounds by speaking to me in that manner. Afterwards, I would let the manger know that I HAD hopefully resolved the issue, but wanted to bring it to his/her attention.
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Old 05-23-2019, 02:13 PM
 
Location: on the wind
7,119 posts, read 2,921,213 times
Reputation: 24107
Quote:
Originally Posted by jobseeker2013 View Post
I will avoid the specifics but in the meeting my co-worker was very condescending and called me lazy. I stayed calm tried to get my points across but she was very argumentative and didnt listen to me. She was very unprofessional. Anyway I am thinking of going to my boss and explaining what happened calmly and asking for advice. I will say i still like my coworker, want to work with her, but I am confused by the criticism. Does she have advise. Is this a smart strategy? Boss will ask what had I done to address the issue with worker and I will say I tried to talk to her for an hour and she was combative.

I am afraid I will look as a complainer
Does this happen a lot or was this a single occurrence? If it was a single or extremely rare occurrence it would be best to wait until both of you calm down, sit down in private and discuss what happened. It could have happened due to a stressful assignment, personal life interfering with work, etc. Its possible for anyone to lose it if the circumstances are right. Trying to have a discussion at the time is pointless...no one is going to listen. Both of you are emotionally charged up.

However, if this happens between you a lot, its time to request a meeting with your supervisor (do they supervise both of you??) and discuss how to deal with this person in general. Chances are both of you contributed a little to what happened.
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Old 05-23-2019, 02:59 PM
 
Location: Washington
45 posts, read 13,796 times
Reputation: 118
Hate to be Captain Obvious here but are you lazy?
If so, then you have no right to take offense at her accurate observation of you.
Actually HEAR her words

She may have called attention to your flaws so don't go further calling more attention to yourself
Unless you want to be fired
Pull your own weight at work

Then no one will become frustrated with you calling you "lazy"
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Old 05-23-2019, 04:06 PM
 
3,557 posts, read 1,364,467 times
Reputation: 6980
"Is this a smart strategy?"
three things:

1. if this the very first time, no. not smart. everyone has at least one bad day.
2. if this is the second time in several (4+) years, no. her meds may have changed.
3. if this is the third time (or more) then, yes.

bottom line: document each time.
even the first time. diaries are admissible in court.
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Old 05-23-2019, 04:08 PM
 
64 posts, read 15,807 times
Reputation: 237
If it was just you and her in a meeting, I think you should talk to her about it directly. But if you tried that and it did not work, then a conversation with your supervisor would be in order.


If it happened in a meeting with several people present, then a conversation with your supervisor is definitely in order.


As others have mentioned, this is a professional work environment, not a schoolyard.
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Old 05-23-2019, 05:29 PM
 
333 posts, read 143,553 times
Reputation: 375
Quote:
Originally Posted by DKM View Post
The time it happened to me, I told a manager. I don't have time for people who can't control their emotions or think they can use anger to motivate. I never let it get to me. Tell the manager you don't have a real problem but wanted them to be aware of it.
Thank you for sharing your experience and I love how you handled it that I am taking note of this. Can you update how management dealt with it? I guess it all depends on company policy also?
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Old 05-23-2019, 05:56 PM
DKM
 
Location: Thousand Oaks, CA
2,828 posts, read 1,008,778 times
Reputation: 2847
Quote:
Originally Posted by Torontobase View Post
Thank you for sharing your experience and I love how you handled it that I am taking note of this. Can you update how management dealt with it? I guess it all depends on company policy also?
They took her aside and asked her what happened and why. Pretty much told her that was bad and that's it.

What i did was ignore her for 2 months then I went in and apologized for making her blow up (and I didn't really even know why she did). It worked because we talked it out and we're good now. The best part is, the bosses knew I did that and were really thrilled that I was the bigger person and apologized for something that wasn't my fault (maybe 10% it was tho?). So I am glad it happened in a way because it let me show them I'm a big boy.

Now that I'm in management I can say 100% we just want people to get along and know that people get weird and jealous at work sometimes. We all do or say things out of stress sometimes that we don't really mean.
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