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Old 06-26-2019, 05:25 PM
 
10,370 posts, read 9,391,362 times
Reputation: 15975

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My job prior to retiring was as an assistant to the HR manager and recruiting staff. The one and only fly in the ointment was the manager, she was literally the B from he**.

However! Even though I didn't like her as a manager or as a person she ensured my salary was very high and with retirement right around the corner I just stuck it out.

Each day as I walked into the building I said to myself, "One day closer to retirement!"
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Old 06-26-2019, 08:38 PM
 
Location: PA
2,109 posts, read 1,851,483 times
Reputation: 5408
I think that the OP has a point.

Sure, if someone does nothing but complain and it goes on and on without them doing anything about it, then maybe they deserve some tough love. Now, granted, I did not go back and read all of the OP's posts, but on this one, what he has to say has some merit. There ARE some people out there that just want to shut you up the second you open your mouth. Like the people that say, If you don't like the USA, move." Sometimes people's concerns are valid, and that is the first step toward addressing them.

I would not just quit a job without one lined up, and I would give my employer the courtesy of a two-week notice, but I can see where I need to be more assertive. There are unpleasant aspects of any job and any employer, but there are a lot of people out there that tolerate far more than they should, myself included. Yes, we have bills and responsibilities, and people who depend on us, but I think another thing that keeps people in place is fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of loss, fear of change, the fear that it's as good as it gets, whatever it is. For me, that fear caused me to be passive and not advocate for myself, and ultimately exacerbated physical and mental issues that landed me in the hospital. Please, for the love of God, for anyone reading this that may feel stuck, please do not let it get to that point.
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Old 06-26-2019, 11:28 PM
 
580 posts, read 171,801 times
Reputation: 1691
Default this is the advice I needed

Quote:
Originally Posted by AnOrdinaryCitizen View Post
Very good. Congratulations! I'm with you.

Some people are like bullies in real life and in the forums on the internet. When they don't hear what they don't want to hear, they just want to shut you up.

In the real world and at the workplace, when you are nice and quiet, many people want to take advantage of you, many co-workers and managers think you are easy to be manipulated; they want and try to make you to do what they want you to do for their advantages. And if you don't speak up, they make you to do more and more. That's the time you feel enough is enough, and even how nice you are, you have to speak up. When you know yourself you are smart and you have inner strength, you know where to go and whom to talk to that can help you, things will be better.
this is what I needed to hear. thank you!
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Old 06-26-2019, 11:31 PM
 
580 posts, read 171,801 times
Reputation: 1691
Quote:
Originally Posted by jimmy12345678 View Post
You sound like my old boss. Not willing to hear anyone out and quick to dismiss any complaint, valid or not as mere whining.

And if you were my boss, Iíd do the same thing I did to him: tell you to pound salt and leave. I donít have to put up with a dismissive attitude from anyone, nor will I. Even if you donít agree, Iíll respect you if youíll hear me out. But to just dismiss me offhand like that, nope, not dealing with it. Iíll go work for someone who respects me, like where I work now.

I donít believe in ďsuck it upĒ, I believe in standing up for yourself and being willing to walk away if it means sticking to your principles.

Seriously though, are there no valid complaints ever? Or is it all just whining?
yes, Reminds me of my own incompetent manager.
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Old 06-27-2019, 07:25 AM
 
696 posts, read 254,767 times
Reputation: 1821
Quote:
Originally Posted by jimmy12345678 View Post
You sound like my old boss. Not willing to hear anyone out and quick to dismiss any complaint, valid or not as mere whining.

And if you were my boss, I’d do the same thing I did to him: tell you to pound salt and leave. I don’t have to put up with a dismissive attitude from anyone, nor will I. Even if you don’t agree, I’ll respect you if you’ll hear me out. But to just dismiss me offhand like that, nope, not dealing with it. I’ll go work for someone who respects me, like where I work now.

I don’t believe in “suck it up”, I believe in standing up for yourself and being willing to walk away if it means sticking to your principles.

Seriously though, are there no valid complaints ever? Or is it all just whining?
The workplaces need more people like you and me.

Stand up and speak up for your rights. If you just keep putting your head down, keep saying yes, everybody will use you up till the day you feel sick and tired and burnt out and depressed. Better to recognize the users and the bullies early and don't let them to take advantage of you and bully you for long. When you are willing to be a doormat somebody will step on you. Being nice does not mean being stupid.

I used to be very nice and liked to help others, but I've learned that at the workplace there are so many people who like to take advantage of me; eventually I became very tired and burnt out, I spoke up, and they turned their face. I did not care. Eventually, I stood up for myself and spoke up very strongly, and everybody was surprised how soft I was on the outside, but so strong on the inside. Eventually, they did not dare to come to ask me to help with every little thing anymore. Every little thing adds up. Even one of my managers who was like a bully has to respect me now, she does not dare to micromanage me and does not go after my back constantly anymore. She leaves me alone. I know how to do my job well. I told the one above her that I wanted some autonomy. I could not do my job with my manager being after my back every step of my way. I told that higher-up: "How would she feel if her supervisor/manager/leader treated her the way she treated her employees - micromanaging and bullying?"

Now I feel much better, happier with my work. I'm thankful to the high above.

And the workplaces need more good bosses and leaders like a few that I have. They are willing to listen, investigate, are supportive to employees and being fair.
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Old 06-27-2019, 10:17 AM
 
20,607 posts, read 16,659,647 times
Reputation: 38728
Quote:
Originally Posted by jimmy12345678 View Post
It’s standing up by virtue of the fact that you are standing up and saying “I’m not putting up with x anymore, either it goes or I do.” So you STAND UP, walk out and use denial of service by refusing to work for them. Take your skills to someone that’ll actually appreciate them and pay you what you’re worth.

Is it impossible for an employer to do wrong in your eyes?


BTW you saying “I work for the money” tells me you don’t care about how your employer treats their employees or how they run their business. You have no principles at all besides earning a buck. You’re no better than someone who carries out an atrocity and says “But I was just following orders”. Learn to think for yourself instead of with the group/boss.
No one here said you should stay, just that there’s a right and wrong way to go about it. And stomping out with a speech and attitude worthy of a 14 year old is the wrong way.
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Old 06-27-2019, 10:24 AM
 
957 posts, read 443,301 times
Reputation: 1565
Quote:
Originally Posted by ocnjgirl View Post
No one here said you should stay, just that thereís a right and wrong way to go about it. And stomping out with a speech and attitude worthy of a 14 year old is the wrong way.
Sometimes you canít be nice if you want to get your point across. Some people only respond to assertiveness. I donít see how standing up for myself makes me like a 14 year old.

So, in your opinion, whatís wrong with my approach and what is a better one?
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Old 06-27-2019, 10:41 AM
 
Location: The Triad (NC)
28,513 posts, read 62,235,289 times
Reputation: 32211
Quote:
Originally Posted by jimmy12345678 View Post
So, in your opinion, what’s wrong with my approach and what is a better one?
How frequently during the course of the typical 30-50 year working life
do you suppose the sort of "need to assert" situation you describe will present itself ?

Cutting to the chase:
If it's happening with any sort of frequency the 'other guy' is not likely to be the real problem.
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Old 06-27-2019, 10:49 AM
 
20,607 posts, read 16,659,647 times
Reputation: 38728
Quote:
Originally Posted by jimmy12345678 View Post
Sometimes you can’t be nice if you want to get your point across. Some people only respond to assertiveness. I don’t see how standing up for myself makes me like a 14 year old.

So, in your opinion, what’s wrong with my approach and what is a better one?
A better approach is to say you’ve taken another job and your last day will be such and such. Sorry, adults having hissy fits at work just shows lack of impulse control. Had an ex who had anger issues, he routinely did things like that. It was embarrassing and it held him back in life. He too was unable to tell the difference between assertive and aggressive.
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Old 06-27-2019, 10:59 AM
 
957 posts, read 443,301 times
Reputation: 1565
Quote:
Originally Posted by ocnjgirl View Post
A better approach is to say youíve taken another job and your last day will be such and such. Sorry, adults having hissy fits at work just shows lack of impulse control. Had an ex who had anger issues, he routinely did things like that. It was embarrassing and it held him back in life. He too was unable to tell the difference between assertive and aggressive.

Nothing will change if no one is willing to speak out against it.

I donít understand this attitude if ďif you donít like something, just leave/quit, but donít you dare speak out against it.Ē

You also seem like the others on here, quick to dismiss any complaint as a ďhissy fitĒ or ďwhiningĒ or whatever name youíd like to dismiss what Iím saying without actually addressing it, and you go away smugly thinking ď I TOLD HIMĒ.

All that youíve told me is that you arenít willing to stand up for yourself and would rather quit than speak out.
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