A Mom, A Wife, 52 and don't know what to do? (college degree, jobs)

[texdav]

The biggest change for people who have not worked or not in a long time is learning to work your life around your work and not the other way around.Work is often just that unless you have trained for a specialty you really like. I'd say that 95% of people really do not do something they really love. The first thiong is to get a job doing something your capable of.Working in a office now days takes training in computer programs at a minium.

[nnyl]

I am in your shoes, or have been. Almost the same age.

Been a SAHM for the better part of 25 years. Finances dictated the necessity to return to work.

Just like you, the extent of my experience with a computer is whatever puttering I do on the net, and maybe typing a letter here and there.

The last time I was gainfully employed was in the clerical field, another lifetime ago, before the onset of computers.

Makes you feel like a dinosaur.

I was terrified. Put it off, even to the detriment of our personal economy here, as long as I could, out of fear.

I know I can keep a clean/organized/family-friendly home. That I had done successfully for a quarter of a century. But anything productive out in the *real* work-world? Terrifying.

Doesn't help that the job search these days, is tough, even for those far more qualified than myself. Far more experienced and knowledgeable.

Took a while to even get a foot in the door to an interview even. Went on a few that were real bummers. A few that I really wanted (office type jobs, menial), but didn't land the job. Further exacerbating my feelings of worthlessness.

Finally I did land in a call center type job. Not sales, not cold-calling. Call center. Insurance. Now, I won't say that I absolutely love it. It is frustrating, there is far too much to learn, the pay menial at best. At times I feel like that dinosaur that I referred to.

But the sense of contribution to the budget here, menial that it is, priceless. The deviation from the family-focus here, which had been taken for granted far too long, priceless. The challenge, learning, knowledge being gained, priceless. The gratification and sense of accomplishment, again ....... priceless. And best of all, the confidence, for this formerly timid, shy/hide in the corner soul, well that's the absolute best part of it. The confidence I'm gaining at this ripe old age. Who'd of thunk it?

It's all going to be a great challenge for you, believe me I know, having been out of the formal work force for so long a time. And a good deal of the time you will feel as though you are sinking and behind the curve in learning, and maybe even at times come home in tears, I did, and have, and continue to, at times. But my key thus far has been the above that I named. The benefits to actually accomplishing, and achieving ..... so outweigh the frustrations.

So find something you can do, and understand, be patient with yourself that you are going to be behind a bit, and hang in there til you get it. As they say *fake it til you make it*. It's true.

[puffle]

Thank you for sharing your story nnyl. I think part of my problem is still having a dream that I should really like what I end up doing, not just going through the motions. Kind of like marrying someone that is just a friend and you have no passion for just to be married....settling. I understand your point though and am very happy for the positive your job has given you. If I thought this was just a temporary thing I could stand just about anything, but this looks like a permanent issue which is why I wish I had time to really search for something that fits me instead of me trying to fit it.

[Topaz]

Corporate America can be rather unwelcoming and unkind to people older than 50 who don't have a steady track record of measurable achievements within a solid career trajectory. You would probably hate most of the salaried jobs that you could get. Instead, perhaps consider self-employment. I like the book, "What Business Should I Start?" by Rhonda Abrams. Also anything by Paul and Sarah Edwards - they are gurus about home-based businesses that don't take much money to start.

[Southlander]

I was a stay-at-home mom who worked part-time at home for years. After raising my kids, and then dealing with my mom in the last years of her life, I went to work part-time for my husband.
Let me tell you: it has been no picnic. Being married to my husband and working for him are two totally different things. I am sorry now that I did this, but now there's no going back.
Another thing: I was used to setting my own schedule, working at my own speed, how I wanted and when I wanted...if I wanted to do lunch with the girls, or chuck it all and go shopping all afternoon, I didn't ask anybody's permission.
Now I can't leave for lunch because that's when everybody else leaves, and I have to be there answer the phone.
I'm not really complaining.
It's just that it has been a huge, HUGE adjustment, WAY bigger than I anticipated.
So...good luck to you! It's not easy, no matter how you go about it. Take care of yourself by eating right and getting enough sleep. And keep a cheerful attitude! It could always be worse!

[puffle]

I can't believe how nice most of you have been. Thanks for the recommendations Topaz. Maybe after my husband finally makes a placement I can pursue self-employment.
Southlander...everyone said I should work with my husband but I knew it would be disasterous! He finally found someone that works from her home doing research for him (he's a head hunter oddly enough!)He places high level people, when he actually makes a placement but that's a whole other thread! I worked for an Orthodonist last week and when we took a lunch, we ALL took a lunch and I was the receptionist. There is a thing called an answering machine or service. Make a nice recording and go get your nails done!!!! You work with your husband...remind him of that when he forgets your needs Southlander

[twixcookie]

Originally Posted by texdav

The biggest change for people who have not worked or not in a long time is learning to work your life around your work and not the other way around.Work is often just that unless you have trained for a specialty you really like. I'd say that 95% of people really do not do something they really love. The first thiong is to get a job doing something your capable of.Working in a office now days takes training in computer programs at a minium.

I agree...

I have met a lot of women who never had to work, and the adjustment, when they got divorced, or the need to work arose, was tremendous. I think a lot got ideas, maybe from Oprah-type media, that work was some kind of personal fulfillment or self-gratification. It CAN be, but I would say rarely does it happen. I have only met a few people who actually had jobs that gave them satisfaction, and even some of them said, while finding work they loved doing, the politics or coworkers ruined it for them.
I think keeping in reality with things and not expecting a job to be a best friend or give all these things people read in books will help. Having fewer expectations is better than expecting an office with a window, gratifying work, etc., when working for an income is needed.

[SandyCo]

Puffle, is it possible that you didn't give some of those jobs enough time? I first started working at a retail brokerage eight years ago. I had zero experience in that industry, and several times I almost quit, thinking that I couldn't do it, there was too much to learn, etc. It took me over a year to feel comfortable; I made a lot of mistakes, and brokers aren't known for being very forgiving!

Fast forward a few years, and I actually studied for and passed the Series 7 (the test to become a stock broker) and the Series 66 (state laws for the same). I cannot tell you how many times I threw the study material at the wall and broke down in tears of frustration! None of the material was intuitive, and it was so dry!!! I failed both tests the first time I took them, and cried some more. But I persevered and finally passed. I'm now making almost twice what I made at my previous job, and I love the people I work with. It can be done.

If you have physical limitations, that's something you can't get around. However, with the other problems, maybe you might try taking a deep breath and giving it six months before you decide to leave.

[Panks]

Originally Posted by puffle

My personality is one that loves to talk to people, creative, hate being caged in with no sunlight, and need to have as little stress as humanly possible in this day and age.

Hi Puffle (love the name!) I know how you feel exactly

Don't give up looking for a job you love. From what you wrote I thought maybe you'd like something to do with plants??..working in a nursery, flower shop..etc...there are businesses that just go to offices and water their plants once a week...Theres zillions of jobs out there..why be stuck in one you hate?

Whatever you do, don't listen to other people that hate their jobs and have nothing better to do than slap down people asking for help

Another bit of advice is to join a success group/team that is based on Barbara Sher's books. Go to her site and find one near you. They are basically a group of people that get together with the sole purpose of supporting each other to find or realize their dreams. I loved being in one a few years ago so I highly recommend it

[puffle]

Originally Posted by Panks

Hi Puffle (love the name!) I know how you feel exactly

Don't give up looking for a job you love. From what you wrote I thought maybe you'd like something to do with plants??..working in a nursery, flower shop..etc...there are businesses that just go to offices and water their plants once a week...Theres zillions of jobs out there..why be stuck in one you hate?

Whatever you do, don't listen to other people that hate their jobs and have nothing better to do than slap down people asking for help

Another bit of advice is to join a success group/team that is based on Barbara Sher's books. Go to her site and find one near you. They are basically a group of people that get together with the sole purpose of supporting each other to find or realize their dreams. I loved being in one a few years ago so I highly recommend it

Thank goodness some people believe it is possible to enjoy your work. I have actually applied to a flower shop here in Boston. I also took an evaluation quiz that Monster offers online to help you identify what you were meant to do which helps clarify things a little. Thanks for the info on the support groups. I will look into that.