When they never invite you out to lunch (reputation, job, office)

[CTR36]

Here's the deal. I have been at this job for about 18 months. In the whole 18 months only twice have I been invited out to eat by my supervisor and her assistant (they seem to run the show...I say seem b/c neither one is very bright) Anyways...I find it rude that they NEVER ask me if I want anything to eat when they do a fast food run whenever we stay late to work. I mean NEVER. They go around asking everyone else BUT me. I think that's rude.


They even ask my ADMIN if she wants something or wants to join them for lunch but not me. I am not a bad person, I am actually funny and fun to be around. The one good thing about this is that my supervisor has built up a reputation (not a good one btw) and being seen with her may not actually look good for me.

I want your opinions. Do you bother to ask the people in your dept., area if they want to get something to eat when you are asking everyone else in their presence??
I would....
But I don't b/c they are already long gone before I even have the chance of asking.
I tell you this whole office clique stinks and I can't wait to get outta here.
Too bad b/c I really love my actual job.

[sinsativ]

You get the vibes you give off. It also has to do with your position. Have you ever offered to do any lunch run for them?

[ogplife]

Originally Posted by CTR36

Here's the deal. I have been at this job for about 18 months. In the whole 18 months only twice have I been invited out to eat by my supervisor and her assistant (they seem to run the show...I say seem b/c neither one is very bright) Anyways...I find it rude that they NEVER ask me if I want anything to eat when they do a fast food run whenever we stay late to work. I mean NEVER. They go around asking everyone else BUT me. I think that's rude.


They even ask my ADMIN if she wants something or wants to join them for lunch but not me. I am not a bad person, I am actually funny and fun to be around. The one good thing about this is that my supervisor has built up a reputation (not a good one btw) and being seen with her may not actually look good for me.

I want your opinions. Do you bother to ask the people in your dept., area if they want to get something to eat when you are asking everyone else in their presence??
I would....
But I don't b/c they are already long gone before I even have the chance of asking.
I tell you this whole office clique stinks and I can't wait to get outta here.
Too bad b/c I really love my actual job.

It is sort of unwritten rule in our office to ask everyone in the immediate vicinity if they want to go out for lunch if you ask one person, but you would be surprised how people make assumptions. One of my co - workers was complaining to me about how she is never invited (I am usually invited) to other's houses when they have get togethers, but I know for sure they don't dislike her, but she is married with 2 kids, although she is only in her late 20s they have a "motherly" image of her (we have a fairly young office, median age mid 20s) and don't think she would want to partake in those types of activities. I guess what i'm saying is sometimes its not always personal, but I can understand your concern.

[artsyguy]

You didn't get the point.

The OP said that everybody was asked except for her. She was excluded.

Apparently she doesn't have to offer to do anything for anyone since nobody else had to.

I agree it is rude and a passive/childish way of saying "we don't like you".

Originally Posted by sinsativ

You get the vibes you give off. It also has to do with your position. Have you ever offered to do any lunch run for them?

[dragonfly0428]

It really is rude on their part, but perhaps they assume things incorrectly. Do you often go out to lunch? They may feel you have other plans. Are you approachable? Maybe they are nervous about asking you to "sink down" to fast food.

I'd offer to pick up next time, and approach everyone personally to ask if they'd like anything. Once they see you're not above this, you might get a different response.

[Twinkle Toes]

Yes, it's kinda rude, but look at the bright side - fast food kills people, so they are helping to keep you alive by NOT offering to get you fast food!

[artsyguy]

They might be keeping it a secret that they dislike her. Why would they tell you outright "we dislike your friend so and so. We don't want her here". Ever thought of that? When people like you they invite you to get-togethers regardless if you have children or not. duh.

Originally Posted by ogplife

It is sort of unwritten rule in our office to ask everyone in the immediate vicinity if they want to go out for lunch if you ask one person, but you would be surprised how people make assumptions. One of my co - workers was complaining to me about how she is never invited (I am usually invited) to other's houses when they have get togethers, but I know for sure they don't dislike her, but she is married with 2 kids, although she is only in her late 20s they have a "motherly" image of her (we have a fairly young office, median age mid 20s) and don't think she would want to partake in those types of activities. I guess what i'm saying is sometimes its not always personal, but I can understand your concern.

[ogplife]

Originally Posted by artsyguy

They might be keeping it a secret that they dislike her. Why would they tell you outright "we dislike your friend so and so. We don't want her here". Ever thought of that? When people like you they invite you to get-togethers regardless if you have children or not. duh.

If you responded in a more mature way I would tell you why I am pretty sure she is not disliked, but you don't seem worth it.

[fierce_flawless]

Another reason why working with women sucks. It's like high school all over again.

Yes, I've experienced this, and no, it didn't bother me really. I guess it should have but it fit well with my plan of "I'm here to work, leave me alone"... I remember one co-worker who sat 2 feet from me and would offer candy all around in my direction, skipping me each time. I am nice, courteous, and helpful... but I don't care if some catty female decides she doesn't like me. Nine times out of ten it's because she doesn't like my shoes or my a$$ looks better or something else equally petty and stupid.


I've worked in large offices with way too many people "nearby" to be offering to pick something up for everyone in the vicinity. In those cases I don't offer to pick something up for ANYONE if I know I can't do it for all.

I would say, watch your back. I was the first one let go in an office where all the other women were younger, no kids, and liked to get drunk and high together. Since I wasn't a "joiner" in all that and they needed my spot for a friend of theirs who moved back to town, *I* was the one to let go. Didn't want to mess up their partying buddy thing.

[mrstewart]

Geez, next time they go out and you want something, just say "Hey guys, while you're out, do you mind picking something up for me??" ...

If they do not invite you in, invite yourself in!!