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Old 01-14-2009, 07:37 PM
 
4,248 posts, read 6,715,651 times
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I guess I am on the opposite side of the fence, in that my coworkers always invited me to lunch and I always said no. I am really there to do a job, not to win some social contest. My work (was) important. I wouldn't stress over this. Just accept it and have a life outside of work. Of course, I am an introvert and value my alone time and don't really care that much about work relationships (at this point) so take this with a grain of salt.
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Old 01-14-2009, 08:13 PM
 
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Are you the minority of the group? Different in any way?
You get my drift.

Last edited by artsyguy; 01-14-2009 at 08:58 PM..
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Old 01-14-2009, 08:32 PM
 
3,088 posts, read 5,882,969 times
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I had a supervisor that sat next to me during lunch. It freaked me out so I got up and left.
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Old 01-14-2009, 08:58 PM
 
25,169 posts, read 34,515,946 times
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Maybe he or she wanted you in a "special kinda way"

Quote:
Originally Posted by nitokenshi View Post
I had a supervisor that sat next to me during lunch. It freaked me out so I got up and left.
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Old 01-14-2009, 09:00 PM
 
3,088 posts, read 5,882,969 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by artsyguy View Post
Maybe he or she wanted you in a "special kinda way"
ewww
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Old 01-14-2009, 09:04 PM
 
4,248 posts, read 6,715,651 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by artsyguy View Post
Maybe he or she wanted you in a "special kinda way"
Pulease. I know women and I know cat fights. It's not all about being gay, yunno?
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Old 01-14-2009, 09:18 PM
 
3,088 posts, read 5,882,969 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by movin'on View Post
Pulease. I know women and I know cat fights. It's not all about being gay, yunno?
huh?
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Old 01-15-2009, 10:24 AM
 
395 posts, read 812,439 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by poohpah View Post
I work in an office with 7 people (1 man, 6 women). I am a supervisor over the man and 2 women. I also have a supervisor at my level and 2 managers above me. We are all generally in the same age group. Everyone is pretty new to the office except me. I typically bring my lunch to work because before these 6 new people started a year ago, no one ever went to lunch. The 2 managers above me always go to lunch and never ask me. I expect that because they are at a higher level than me. But my peer supervisor will go to lunch with the man and 2 women that we supervise. They don't ever ask me to lunch. Today I walked over and saw my peer supervisor in her office working. Our staff had gone to lunch, she said. I walked by a few minutes later and the staff had brought her back some lunch. Couldn't they have asked me? I was in the office right next door. I feel so out of place because I'm always left in the office by myself and I don't want to invite myself to their lunch...clearly they didn't want to ask me. I want to be social with them. I am always organizing office mini-parties and I bring in donuts and treats for the group regularly. My one rationale for this behavior is that since they arrived, I've had to be the one with experience to show them their work and tell them what they are doing wrong and sometimes take a hard line when it comes to work. Maybe they just don't like me?
I can relate to you. It happened to me as well when I first joined work but the circumstances were different. I knew the reason why no one invited me for lunch (me being young, being their boss, different age group etc etc...). Initially it bothered me a lot but with time I learnt to deal with it alone. I get my lunch everyday, eat in my office alone, take a small walk for about 15 mins (if the weather permits) and get back to work. You will be surprised how soon you can get used to this.

Unless you really feel the need to be a part of the 'group', if I were you I wouldnt really bother.
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Old 01-15-2009, 02:05 PM
 
Location: York, PA
2,332 posts, read 3,310,173 times
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Poolpah,

Working in a small office definitely does not help, as opposed to a much larger workplace where the rejection won't be so obvious. Also the fact that they probably came in together and after you, forming a certain degree of solidarity. We are all civil where I work, and some colleagues I am closer to more than others. However I'm not the type to impart myself on others and I give people their personal space at work. I'm there first and foremost to do my job and let the chips fall where they may.

I know from past experience that it can be very awkward being with a superior in any social situation and maybe that's the scenario you have encountered. They are probably thinking that one minute you are sitting with them laughing and having lunch, and the next you are reprimanding them or critiquing their work. I have witnessed this and have seen the resentment and bitter feelings that result when supervisors and subordinates socialize.

It appears as if the boundaries have been drawn with a few employees. As for the supervisor that's equal to you, I can understand the frustration and in that regard, maybe you can ask her out alone at some point. It also looks like you are correct in your assumptions about the two managers above you and would not even pursue the matter.

As for the others, I would just strive to maintain a professional working relationship and not even worry about not being asked to lunch. If they do, fine, if not, just move on and don't try to force yourself on them. As long as the office is a civil and productive workplace, everything else should be secondary.

To be even more blunt, in today's unstable business and economic climate my main priority would be to concentrate on my duties and job performance, not expending energy worrying about whether or not people like me. I think in the long run that will be beneficial.

Last edited by Gil3; 01-15-2009 at 03:30 PM..
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Old 01-19-2009, 12:36 AM
 
Location: The Midst of Insanity
3,225 posts, read 4,214,478 times
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It wouldn't bother me one bit...but then, I'm the type who likes to eat alone and not get into the cliques at work.

If it's such a problem, why not invite them out sometime?
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