No one invites me to lunch (owner, job, interest, money)

[poohpah]

I work in an office with 7 people (1 man, 6 women). I am a supervisor over the man and 2 women. I also have a supervisor at my level and 2 managers above me. We are all generally in the same age group. Everyone is pretty new to the office except me. I typically bring my lunch to work because before these 6 new people started a year ago, no one ever went to lunch. The 2 managers above me always go to lunch and never ask me. I expect that because they are at a higher level than me. But my peer supervisor will go to lunch with the man and 2 women that we supervise. They don't ever ask me to lunch. Today I walked over and saw my peer supervisor in her office working. Our staff had gone to lunch, she said. I walked by a few minutes later and the staff had brought her back some lunch. Couldn't they have asked me? I was in the office right next door. I feel so out of place because I'm always left in the office by myself and I don't want to invite myself to their lunch...clearly they didn't want to ask me. I want to be social with them. I am always organizing office mini-parties and I bring in donuts and treats for the group regularly. My one rationale for this behavior is that since they arrived, I've had to be the one with experience to show them their work and tell them what they are doing wrong and sometimes take a hard line when it comes to work. Maybe they just don't like me?

[Janipoo]

Originally Posted by poohpah

I work in an office with 7 people (1 man, 6 women). I am a supervisor over the man and 2 women. I also have a supervisor at my level and 2 managers above me. We are all generally in the same age group. Everyone is pretty new to the office except me. I typically bring my lunch to work because before these 6 new people started a year ago, no one ever went to lunch. The 2 managers above me always go to lunch and never ask me. I expect that because they are at a higher level than me. But my peer supervisor will go to lunch with the man and 2 women that we supervise. They don't ever ask me to lunch. Today I walked over and saw my peer supervisor in her office working. Our staff had gone to lunch, she said. I walked by a few minutes later and the staff had brought her back some lunch. Couldn't they have asked me? I was in the office right next door. I feel so out of place because I'm always left in the office by myself and I don't want to invite myself to their lunch...clearly they didn't want to ask me. I want to be social with them. I am always organizing office mini-parties and I bring in donuts and treats for the group regularly. My one rationale for this behavior is that since they arrived, I've had to be the one with experience to show them their work and tell them what they are doing wrong and sometimes take a hard line when it comes to work. Maybe they just don't like me?

I think that maybe you might have to invite yourself and than maybe they can see you in a different light. They might have reservations about you but if you can show them that you are a person and even though you have to make tough decisions that you can still be someone that they will enjoy having lunch with.

[phonelady61]

I think maybe you should just leave it alone and stay to yourself . I mean I like the fact that I work in a pretty big office and we just all go to lunch seperately , no one here really socializes per say and i must admit we kind of like it that way . also no ones feelings gets hurt that way . It obviously bothers you and maybe in time they will invite you but like you say if it has been a yr then maybe this office is not the place for you and maybe you should look for a job elsewhere or maybe i could be totally off base here and dont really understand the sittuation . good luck to you though .

[tabbcat]

Try inviting them to lunch Or choose one person out of the group that you really like... show an interest in them, and they may "get the word around" that you're a good time.

[cabolissa]

You have to ask them... Just say, "do you mind if I join you?" Are you pleasant? Do you ask them how their weekends were, how their families are? Are you a genuinly concerned person, or selfish?

[tasmtairy]

I worked in an office and I was a manager and I hung out at the lunch table, I didn't take my full 45 mins. and go out to lunch, some did as couples, never as groups. Managers got about 45 mins. while everyone else got 1/2 hour. So one day my boss, the owner who has a Dr. of Engineering says, "If you want to be a clerk, hang out with the clerks." I was pissed. I had worked out in the warehouse before the office and every time there was a birthday party which was only done for those in the office, no one in the warehouse ever got any cake, so I boycotted the parties and never went and would sneak cake to my buds out in the warehouse.

I never thought of myself as any different than anyone else there. I guess that was my problem

As far as not being asked out to lunch, I say "so what!!" But there is good advice above me and I am just mad right now about something else.

[therewego]

Originally Posted by poohpah

I work in an office with 7 people (1 man, 6 women). I am a supervisor over the man and 2 women. I also have a supervisor at my level and 2 managers above me. We are all generally in the same age group. Everyone is pretty new to the office except me. I typically bring my lunch to work because before these 6 new people started a year ago, no one ever went to lunch. The 2 managers above me always go to lunch and never ask me. I expect that because they are at a higher level than me. But my peer supervisor will go to lunch with the man and 2 women that we supervise. They don't ever ask me to lunch. Today I walked over and saw my peer supervisor in her office working. Our staff had gone to lunch, she said. I walked by a few minutes later and the staff had brought her back some lunch. Couldn't they have asked me? I was in the office right next door. I feel so out of place because I'm always left in the office by myself and I don't want to invite myself to their lunch...clearly they didn't want to ask me. I want to be social with them. I am always organizing office mini-parties and I bring in donuts and treats for the group regularly. My one rationale for this behavior is that since they arrived, I've had to be the one with experience to show them their work and tell them what they are doing wrong and sometimes take a hard line when it comes to work. Maybe they just don't like me?

Sounds like a Micro-managed office; 2 managers, 2 supervisors, 3 peons. It also sounds like my situation when I used to work. Nobody invited me to lunch; I tried but frankly got tired of playing the game so gave up. I also brought the goodies, invited myself, blah blah blah. I wish you luck and if you come up with the magic formula that worked, let us know.

[GypsySoul22]

Originally Posted by tabbcat

Try inviting them to lunch Or choose one person out of the group that you really like... show an interest in them, and they may "get the word around" that you're a good time.

I felt the same (as you) at my last job. I was cold shouldered for awhile, did my job, proved myself, joked a bit with my co-workers, behaved with dignity, was a nice person and eventually several people accepted me and we went to lunch almost every day.

So, you could try to approach one person and see how it goes. Maybe they just think you are not interested.

Good luck...office politics...

[Hungry For Cheese]

I sure am glad I don't feel this way. Sure, sometimes I like to be asked. Once or twice a year...but generally I am hapy my g/f lives 10 mins away and I get to relax there, kick off the shoes and watch TV, eat and chat for 40 mins.

Sounds like you need to organize a lunch...but don't let them expect it to be on your money...lol. "oh you're taking us to lunch? how nice"...NO

[johnrex62]

Since you have established a pattern of always bringing your lunch in the past, probably nobody has given any thought to the idea you might LIKE to join them and keep your lunch bag in the desk. Show an interest in going out to lunch, even if it is just letting them know you are going out by yourself once in while. Try inviting people to go out with you once in a while too. Perhaps when they realize you are open to joining them they will think about inviting you.

I work as a consultant and move from client to client all the time. At my most recent project we have a large team of Indian and Pakistani workers that routinely eat together and exclude everyone else that does not share their ethic affiliation. I, as did others, just accepted this as their preference. After many months, a new worker with the same ethnicity joined the project and was propmtly invited to join them for lunch. A few days later, he and I went out to lunch and since it was his vegetarian day, we went to a favored spot that featured a vegetarian buffet. All of the other Indian workers were there and were quite surprised to see me show up to eat there. I have been invited to join their group for lunch several times since then. Their group exclusion had nothing to do with ethnicity as we all thought, they just did not think anyone else would be interested in their choice of menu.