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Old 11-24-2009, 02:38 PM
 
454 posts, read 742,359 times
Reputation: 257
Default Old Boss ignoring me......don't know why! :-(

I left my previous place of employment (large company, small group) as an Engineer about 4 months ago. i had been working there for 5-6 years and that was my first job out of college. I had a good relationship with my boss (15 years older than myself). when i left the company, i left because i felt like i wasn't growing as much as i wanted to, and plus, i got a 30% raise at the new place. it was a bitter sweet move. i knew i was going to miss everyone there and i let them know it.

when i left, i emailed everyone after a week or so to tell them my new email address, etc. they all (including my boss) replied back and wished me well etc.

i really want to keep in touch with my boss because i look up to him alot. he's very smart and i don't want to lose touch with him. i emailed him a few weeks ago (2nd email since i've left) and he never replied. i had also emailed a few other people and they all replied back and were nice.
i emailed him again yesterday and just said "hi joe, how are you?" but never heard back.
i don't want anything from him, i don't want to ask for any favors. i just want to be nice. honestly, i miss him.

i know there could be a million reasons for him not responding (vacation, busy, etc. etc) but am i asking for too much? are relationships over once one leaves a job?

thoughts?
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Old 11-24-2009, 02:55 PM
 
Location: Houston, TX
1,587 posts, read 3,087,728 times
Reputation: 1393
For the most part relationships ARE over once someone leaves a job. There is a sense that the person leaving is moving "up" even if that isn't true and thus the ones left behind are remaining at some imagined lower level. There is a sense of desertion and abandonment and an empty nest feeling among those who remain. And lastly, there is also a feeling the one leaving is going to something new and improved while the ones left behind must be content with the old and not improved. These are all falacies of course but in this case, perception is reality.
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Old 11-24-2009, 02:55 PM
 
Location: Denver, CO
1,278 posts, read 617,983 times
Reputation: 885
Very interesting post. I, too, am planning on leaving my first job out of college. I've only been with the company for a year and a half, but I feel that there is not much room for growth here. I just applied for this position with another contractor company that's contracted with the same company we're contracted with. If I get the job, I wonder how the rapport will change between me and my boss, as well as with my co-workers. Ironically, the new position with the other company will have direct interaction with my current boss, so we will inevitably cross paths again if I get the job.

As far as your situation goes, I wouldn't pester him any longer. If he is away, he will see that you emailed him and will respond. You certainly don't want to come across as clingy or bothersome. The ball is now in his court, so to speak. Also, have you tried calling him? Sometimes that's the quickest way to get a response. Just call him up and tell him you're just calling to see how things are going.
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Old 11-24-2009, 03:15 PM
 
4,806 posts, read 11,615,673 times
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Yes, you may be asking for too much.

You've essentially said--to the employer and everyone who works there: "I don't want to want to work for you because you don't have enough to offer me....but I want you to continue spending your time and energy mentoring me." That's pretty insulting.

As far as friendship after leaving a job, you shouldn't expect any more than you had before you left the job. Usually the relationship diminishes a little. It pretty much never becomes more than it was. If you shared newsy emails about everything going on in your lives, got together on the weekends for barbecues and play dates, went out for coffee, etc., then you might continue doing that with your former coworkers.

But if you never had anything other than a working relationship, then there's no other basis to continue a relationship. Particularly if your relationship was that of boss-worker, not co-workers.
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Old 11-24-2009, 03:19 PM
 
454 posts, read 742,359 times
Reputation: 257
Quote:
Originally Posted by kodaka View Post
Yes, you may be asking for too much.

You've essentially said--to the employer and everyone who works there: "I don't want to want to work for you because you don't have enough to offer me....but I want you to continue spending your time and energy mentoring me." That's pretty insulting.

As far as friendship after leaving a job, you shouldn't expect any more than you had before you left the job. Usually the relationship diminishes a little. It pretty much never becomes more than it was. If you shared newsy emails about everything going on in your lives, got together on the weekends for barbecues and play dates, went out for coffee, etc., then you might continue doing that with your former coworkers.

But if you never had anything other than a working relationship, then there's no other basis to continue a relationship. Particularly if your relationship was that of boss-worker, not co-workers.

i guess i understand and to a large part agree...
But i don't think your assumption is accurate...i never asked for "continued Mentoring". all i want to do is see how they are doing. it's like missing a friend you haven't talked to in a while. you're not trying to GET something out of them. you just want to see how they're doing. I agree that the feeling is clearly not mutual between him and i but that's the reality behind me trying to contact him. nothing else.
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Old 11-24-2009, 04:12 PM
 
Location: North Beach, MD on the Chesapeake
16,655 posts, read 15,657,428 times
Reputation: 15831
You "betrayed" your old boss by leaving. That may be only him or company culture. I once worked for a major, multi-national company that was like that. Someone would leave and management and even the folks on the production line would start talking about what an ingrate that guy was and how he'd betrayed everyone. This was done to people from the lowest paid janitorial employee to plant management. It happened to me when I transferred to a different facility/division and then again when I left that facility also. I ran into someone from that one recently and she mentioned how I'd left and made everyone unhappy. I left that company almost 30 years ago.
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Old 11-24-2009, 04:25 PM
 
426 posts, read 799,117 times
Reputation: 82
30 years, ouch, talk about a grude
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Old 11-24-2009, 04:31 PM
 
Location: Stuck in NE GA right now
4,549 posts, read 6,025,395 times
Reputation: 6355
Are you sending the emails to their office???? You are no longer an employee and if you want to continue any relationship, I'd suggest sending any communication to their home email, this would be showing them that you truely are interested in a relationship outside the workplace.
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Old 11-24-2009, 04:54 PM
 
25,170 posts, read 33,520,431 times
Reputation: 6690
People distance themselves and continue with their jobs. Life moves on!!
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Old 11-25-2009, 12:53 PM
 
Location: Houston, TX
15,517 posts, read 15,166,852 times
Reputation: 13793
Quote:
Originally Posted by mcb1025 View Post
Very interesting post. I, too, am planning on leaving my first job out of college. I've only been with the company for a year and a half, but I feel that there is not much room for growth here. I just applied for this position with another contractor company that's contracted with the same company we're contracted with. If I get the job, I wonder how the rapport will change between me and my boss, as well as with my co-workers. Ironically, the new position with the other company will have direct interaction with my current boss, so we will inevitably cross paths again if I get the job.

As far as your situation goes, I wouldn't pester him any longer. If he is away, he will see that you emailed him and will respond. You certainly don't want to come across as clingy or bothersome. The ball is now in his court, so to speak. Also, have you tried calling him? Sometimes that's the quickest way to get a response. Just call him up and tell him you're just calling to see how things are going.
I'd be real careful about this situation, as a contractor there is a high chance you could be let go from that role.
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