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Old 01-22-2010, 06:31 AM
 
Location: Live in NY State, (sometimes) work in CT
6,586 posts, read 8,230,189 times
Reputation: 2242

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I didn't bother to read the 18 pages that have been produced in just two days (when did this become the "Politics" forum, LOL! where that kind of thread growth is normal), but I have to say to Gypsy Soul (a fellow 40-something whose originally is from almost my neck of the woods and sort of from the same field) great posts and thread, and for the posters who have almost zero compassion (just based on the first 3 pages!), this is why I don't bother much with these forums anymore.

Have any of you had sick, elderly parents to deal with and been the only one in your family who can take care of them? (i.e. maybe she's an only child) There are some people in some situations who should move, but not everyone can. If she's unemployed, she doesn't have the resources to move with them. When I was a teenager in the mid-1980s my family almost moved from NY to FL for better opportunities but didn't because it would be somewhat financially difficult and extremely psychologically difficult to get the elderly grandparents who were still alive to move too. I bet some of the more callous posters even think that such parents should just die and not be a burden to their child.

Shame on you all!
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Old 01-22-2010, 07:04 AM
 
6,764 posts, read 13,835,761 times
Reputation: 4470
Thanks 7 Wishes and all those who posted here.
I didn't have an idea this would be an explosive thread. If anyone reflects, the point is not just about 'one lone 60 year old' with limited resources living paycheck to paycheck.

It's indicative of what we have now in this country. Millions of people living like this. Be it underemployment, lack of jobs (which so many of us are experiencing not for MONTHS but YEARS), or yes, personal 'screwing up' by just blowing your money on 'junk.'

Still, do we just shrug and say, "Screw them. They did it to themselves?"

Where are the financial planning classes in high school? Where do they actually sit you down and tell you at 17 that you need to say NO to the credit card offers that come in the mail? I remember I got my first credit card at 20 as a student. I didn't have a job. But you know how it goes. Must hook in the next generation.

You know, they say you find out who you really are and what your character is made of in tough times. You also find out what other people are made of when YOU experience tough times.
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Old 01-22-2010, 07:25 AM
 
2,000 posts, read 2,709,808 times
Reputation: 1567
Quote:
Originally Posted by annerk View Post
I'm not talking about areas around Charlotte, but rather some of the more rural areas like the area around Boone
Unfortunately my grandmother lives in a very rural county--- Lenoir. Granted, I guess she could say that Greenville is up the road (much higher living costs due to the influx of college students) and Goldsboro is up the other road but even then unless you are really part of the Air Force you are not really going to get very far either.

It is actually depressing (she sold her house for less than 25k when my grandfather passed in the past year). No one else would buy it and she could not stay in the neighborhood that had really regressed in safety. As a homeowner her property taxes were the same as my own taxes and the property value of my house is MUCH higher than her's had been. (I don't live in Charlotte). Her light bill still remains astronomical. The property taxes were high due to the city desperate to gain enough money to operate due to so many not paying their property tax bills. I near about passed out when I saw her electricity bill (my water, trash pick up, recycling, and light bill combined are still less than her solitary electrical bill).

Even if she had been able to keep the house on her own, she would not have been able to afford the utilities or the property bills.. luckily for her she didn't have a mortgage and thankfully she has made a decision to live with my aunt (who has been unemployed in Goldsboro for 2 years but lucky for her ex-husband whom she is now reunited with is wealthy).
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Old 01-22-2010, 07:34 AM
 
2,000 posts, read 2,709,808 times
Reputation: 1567
Quote:
Originally Posted by nikorock28 View Post
You stated this on another thread: "It really depends on the standard of living that you need to be comfortable. I have a couple of expensive hobbies that I'm not willing to give up, so I couldn't live comfortably for under $100K a year." Contradiction maybe?
To annerk's credit, I don't really think this is a contradiction.

I am VERY frugal in many ways (I rarely buy clothing, I have 4 pairs of shoes-- a pair of dansko clogs, a pair of pumps for formal/business meetings, a pair of paddock boots, and a pair of athletic shoes). The paddock shoes and athletic shoes I have owned for years! I wear the clogs EVERY day. *lol* The rest of the shoes not so much. I don't have cable, I eat out very rarely, I eat mostly vegetarian meals (I follow a mediteranean diet and hardly eat red meat ever-- although I concede that my food is pricey-- I buy organic and then I buy NO processed foods or if I do they only have ingredients I can pronounce and grow myself). I don't go out a lot, I don't have a lot of jewelry.

BUT-- *LOL* I have a personal trainer (although I consider this a must to get myself back into shape and a dollar spent here is better than the medical bills later if I don't take care of my body now that is so out of shape), I own a horse (perhaps the MOST unfrugal thing in the world) and I like to tinker and buy new technology toys (laptop, desktop, bluetooth mouse, wireless keyboard, routers, iphone, etc). I consider the things in this list as hobbies and I can afford to do them because I am very frugal in many aspects of my life.

If i had to drop some of those things above due to unemployment or something else, I would, but in general I don't feel terrible that my job allows me to live in that lifestyle. And for the most part, I would not take a lower paying job (unless it was absolute duress) because I enjoy my hobbies too much and prefer that standard of living.
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Old 01-22-2010, 07:52 AM
 
Location: Florida
11,234 posts, read 7,949,005 times
Reputation: 9183
The accusations of lack of sympathy is really silly.
There isn't one of us that doesn't feel for anybody in that or similar circumstances.

But.....is it a benefit to that person, whoever they are, to encourage wallowing in self pity or more helpful to come up with suggestions that may help to allleviate the situation?

She's not here so those same suggestions may help somebody that is HERE so it might not happen to them or they may be better prepared in case it does.

Cry, sob, yell that life ain't fair.
Devote a whole 1/2 hour to that. Then get up off your butt and come up with some solutions.

Or did the op just want a whole bunch of posts agreeing and whining about how unfair life is and how these things are the fault of....(fill in the blanks......government, the banks, your parents, the schools,other people)?
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Old 01-22-2010, 08:22 AM
 
6,764 posts, read 13,835,761 times
Reputation: 4470
Old_cold
What's your problem?
Oh, wait, look at your screen name. Fits you well--'cold.'
No one is whining.

Self pity? This thread is NOT about me. I guess you must walk around with blinders on when so many are suffering.

As for me, I take personal responsibility for my mistakes. Sorry I just have 'compassion'--look it up.

Whatever..
You and your fellow 'get off your ass' crowd will never get it.
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Old 01-22-2010, 08:35 AM
 
23,912 posts, read 31,875,195 times
Reputation: 10871
Quote:
Originally Posted by GypsySoul22 View Post
Old_cold
What's your problem?
Oh, wait, look at your screen name. Fits you well--'cold.'
No one is whining.

Self pity? This thread is NOT about me. I guess you must walk around with blinders on when so many are suffering.

As for me, I take personal responsibility for my mistakes. Sorry I just have 'compassion'--look it up.

Whatever..
You and your fellow 'get off your ass' crowd will never get it.
I get it, because I did "get off my ass.".

Bottom line, there's a difference between empathy and sympathy.
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Old 01-22-2010, 08:39 AM
 
4,519 posts, read 8,365,184 times
Reputation: 2138
Quote:
Originally Posted by 7 Wishes View Post

I didn't bother to read the 18 pages that have been produced in just two days (when did this become the "Politics" forum, LOL! where that kind of thread growth is normal), but I have to say to Gypsy Soul (a fellow 40-something whose originally is from almost my neck of the woods and sort of from the same field) great posts and thread, and for the posters who have almost zero compassion (just based on the first 3 pages!), this is why I don't bother much with these forums anymore.

Have any of you had sick, elderly parents to deal with and been the only one in your family who can take care of them? (i.e. maybe she's an only child) There are some people in some situations who should move, but not everyone can. If she's unemployed, she doesn't have the resources to move with them. When I was a teenager in the mid-1980s my family almost moved from NY to FL for better opportunities but didn't because it would be somewhat financially difficult and extremely psychologically difficult to get the elderly grandparents who were still alive to move too. I bet some of the more callous posters even think that such parents should just die and not be a burden to their child.

Shame on you all!
You are so right.

I don't know that lady but I do know something about being the only one who could care for a sick parent. I remember that I was sitting at work on a Wednesday when my mother called and said "she needed me to come home".

I had worked hard to get to where I was in my professional life, at that time. After she passed away, I found myself with a house on the market after 9/11.
Five years later, I tried to go back to where I was and get my life back. My life has not gotten back to where it was since.

I also understand what you said about not spending time on City Data. I've left before and this thread really makes me feel like I need to take another break.
It seems that every forum has at least one obnoxious, "expert" who thinks that they're somehow superior and that their opinions are the only ones that anyone needs to hear.
It's their opinion that everyone else are just idiots.

These are really bad times for our country. Those fortunate folks who have held on to their jobs need to recognize that there are a lot of people who are hurting.
Right now, pointing fingers telling them what they've done wrong is not the solution.

Last edited by World Citizen; 01-22-2010 at 09:09 AM..
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Old 01-22-2010, 08:57 AM
 
Location: Plano, Texas
8,640 posts, read 14,655,610 times
Reputation: 21135
Bottom line here IMO, is that yes, this country has quite obviously had a major, deep recession and many ARE hurting through NO fault of their own. There are many things in life we CAN control and some we just can't.

Sometimes we make unwise financial decisions and learn from our mistake. Sometimes we make some of the same mistakes again. On the other hand, sometimes we do everything "right" and we still find ourselves in a mess.

My husband and I have certainly not done everything perfectly through the years, but we have tithed our income and it seems that the Lord has definitely taken care of us no matter what came down the pike so to speak. I'm not here to judge whether someone has made good decisions or bad or whether individual posters are compassionate or not. I think of myself as a compassionate person. I certainly understand people's hard luck/tough break stories. At the same time, however, I think what some of the others who may seem less than compassionate are really saying is this: It is what is, and we have to take it from there if we find ourselves unemployed or whatever, do the best we can and make whatever tough decisions need to be made from that point on. No sense pointing fingers, at that point, at either ourselves or others. I know I'm using a lot of cliches in this post, but here's another one~ Hindsight is 20/20. Whether our situation is "our fault" or someone else's or no one's fault, we still have realistically deal with where we are. Some suggestions may be possible based on our life circumstances and obligations, others not so much.

I hope things are at least beginning to turn around economically in this country. My husband's profession, architecture, was very hard hit by the recession, and his office is beginning to see some work trickle in again. I hope this is a sign that things are improving little by little.

Last edited by kaykay; 01-22-2010 at 09:33 AM..
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Old 01-22-2010, 10:30 AM
 
6,764 posts, read 13,835,761 times
Reputation: 4470
Quote:
Originally Posted by annerk View Post
I get it, because I did "get off my ass.".

Bottom line, there's a difference between empathy and sympathy.
Seriously, I believe in getting off your butt. There's difference between people who sit around smoking crack, having 5 kids for welfare money and those who are hurting from the recession because they lost their jobs and can't find another.

No one was speaking directly to you Annerk, so you can 'relax.'

I think you and Old Cold or Old Cold need to chill out.

You would not believe the amount of reps. I got. And no, it wasn't because I want to sit around saying, "Life sucks, life is unfair, do you think so, too."

READ THE ORIGINAL POST. (COLD OLD/OLD COLD) Are YOU are a snowbird as you have 2 states listed?--so what, a nice apartment in NY or condo in FL? Or visa versa? I've seen your callous 'type' all over. I'm from NY and saw all the smug money and entitled oldies who had wads of cash because of a good economy.

They're the ones who say "Pull yourselves up by your boot straps!" "Have drive and stop being so lazy!"

Woo woo...welcome to the real world where prices have shot up over salaries. Where even 'savers' who had great jobs 'cannot live off their 401ks' anymore.

Again, this is a broader issue than 'someone buying a pack of cigarettes' thus making them 'irresponsible.'

I guess we can argue till the cows come home. It's not us vs. them or lazy vs. aggressive.

You guys duke it out. I'm just a bystander in this thread now.
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