Am I Being Selfish? (debt, alternative, degree, job) - Jobs, employers, employees, hiring, resumes, occupations, government, laws, unions, contracts, workers, part-time - City-Data Forum

TeaAndOranges · 05-13-2010, 12:14 AM

In our household it is my wife, myself, and our 15 month old son. I have a great family, and an excellent relationship with my wife.

The problem is, I am not happy with my line of work. I work in IT as a Linux System Administrator, and have done so since I was 18 years old. I currently make about $80k per year, and have been making roughly this income for quite a few years now.

I have been going to college for about four years now, taking a lot of random classes. I am about a year away from a degree in History, two years away from a degree in Computer Science, and a year away from a degree in English. My wife is in her first year of college for a BS in Nursing, and she will go on for her Masters to be a Nurse Practitioner.

Anyway, I am 27 years old, and have decided to change my major from Computer Science to English. I just have no desire to work in this field, regardless of the money that I can make. I am planning on getting my PhD in English, and I really don't care what happens after that.

So, my wife thinks that I am being selfish. She has a hard time dealing with the fact that we are going to be poor for a while. She is used to the lifestyle that we live, and I could care less. I know we have a son, but I also know that we can provide for him. In the end I will possibly be teaching at a University or Community College, and she will be a Nurse Practitioner. In the meantime we have to sacrifice.

Just curious, what do you all think?

virgode · 05-13-2010, 12:36 AM

Money causes marriage difficulties, this is a major change effecting your finances and current lifestye and its something to be discussed and agreed upon. She has no wages to supplement the income, couldn't you wait to make career moves after she has her BS? "I could care less" sounds selfish and immature.

Norm24x7 · 05-13-2010, 01:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by virgode

Money causes marriage difficulties, this is a major change effecting your finances and current lifestye and its something to be discussed and agreed upon. She has no wages to supplement the income, couldn't you wait to make career moves after she has her BS? "I could care less" sounds selfish and immature.

Deeyum Right !! ..very nice advice Virgo .. thats right mister wait till your SO completes her BS .. its easy to say that you can provide for your family ..but always remember theres someone up there who provides to all ..however please dont turn your back at what you already have ..try to find an alternative after you settle the ego straight .. its absolutely okay to feel the glitch ..sometimes we often end up making bad career choice .. money is not everything but my friend ..life is a train and you gotta fuel it to keep running

findinghope · 05-13-2010, 01:32 AM

you say you have been making 80k per year and have still been going to school. i am curious...have you managed to save anything at all??
also, you are still a year or two away from a degree and then you want to go on to get your phd. so yu are still a few years away.
is there any chance you will still be working at your current job during all this schooling? if so, what is the problem?
you can continue as you are, studying while working, and start saving up. that way it wont feel like you are "poor" at any point. just start cutting back a tad and save up for those times when you will need it.

Thursday007 · 05-13-2010, 02:28 AM

A councelor told me this once - do with it what you will. "Do what you LOVE, do it WELL and the money will follow."

Mr.Cat · 05-13-2010, 04:45 AM

$80K a year? And you are willing to give that up just becasue you want a "change" of career? Jesus effing Christ!!! I just don't understand people.

mango tango · 05-13-2010, 04:57 AM

I think what you are feeling is the conflict between a sense of responsibility and following your passion.

I do not envy your position as well. From a certain perspective, you are being selfish because you are putting your desire over your wife's comfort. However, from another, you have all the right in the world to pursue your dream. You should talk this over more with your wife and also look into all the other possible options besides A and B.

BTW, love the handle.

Sunnydee · 05-13-2010, 04:59 AM

I understand where you are coming from, but I must advise you to continue with caution. You are contemplating a major life change and not all spouses are amenable to such changes. My dear brother was in a very similar situation, quit the six figure income job that brought him no joy, went back to college for his PhD, lived poor for a couple of years as he pursued his degree, graduated, got a job he loves teaching at a university, and ended up divorced, but supremely happy with his new career. Carefully consider the implications of your actions.

lovetheduns · 05-13-2010, 05:20 AM

Just understand that getting a professorship at a community college or even a college/university is NOT going to be a given with a PhD in English. I have a friend with a PhD in Microbiology and actual teaching experience and has not been able to find a position in academia-- usually you have a LOT LESS people vying for professorships in science than a liberal arts like English.

Even when you DO get a job, be aware that the chances of making 80k as a professor will be out of view for several years and possibly never.

Wait until your wife finishes her degree and then see if you can finish yours in English.. understand that money (along with infidelity) is the LARGEST reason for divorce-- so I would carefully plan your moves and make the decisions as a family versus saying you could care less.

Braunwyn · 05-13-2010, 05:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TeaAndOranges

Anyway, I am 27 years old, and have decided to change my major from Computer Science to English. I just have no desire to work in this field, regardless of the money that I can make. I am planning on getting my PhD in English, and I really don't care what happens after that.

So, my wife thinks that I am being selfish. She has a hard time dealing with the fact that we are going to be poor for a while. She is used to the lifestyle that we live, and I could care less. I know we have a son, but I also know that we can provide for him. In the end I will possibly be teaching at a University or Community College, and she will be a Nurse Practitioner. In the meantime we have to sacrifice.

Just curious, what do you all think?

You have to remember that she will be responsible for your student loan debt, unless you have savings to pay for it. So, while you may not care what happens afterward, you can't blame her for caring. I ran across this article some time ago. I think it's worth considering.

With that said, life is way too short to spend the majority of your time doing something you hate. Screw that. There might be a happy middle for you and your wife somewhere. Since you've been all over the place academically the past 4 years, it's probably not a good idea to make rash decisions. What I recommend is do your research, explore your options, put together a cogent plan and perhaps create a flow chart. Map out possible paths you can take and present this to your wife. It might be far less scary for her if she has something to tangible to chew on.