How do people in post-Christian countries grieve? (movie theaters, live in)

[tvdxer]

Most Americans are Christians. The majority of us trace our Christian roots - like all Christian groups - back to Europe, when most Europeans were Christian. The Italians were Catholic; the Swedes were Lutheran; the British, Anglicans. Since World War II, Europe has underwent a transformation in which countries have become secularized, sometimes beyond recognition. For example, Norway and Sweden were once fairly religious when they sent the bulk of their immigrants here (in the late 19th century). Now, however, they have "moved beyond" Christianity and the "myths" of heaven and hell. In fact, most northern Europeans are not in agreement with some of the most basic dogmas of Christianity, and the same thing is increasingly becoming true (if it hasn't already) for Southern Europe. Meanwhile, most Americans still believe in an afterlife and in many of the traditional Christian beliefs that the bulk of Europeans have abandoned.

Now, that is not to say that most Christians in the U.S. are practicing bible thumpers who go to church every day. This is a common myth brought about by media coverage of that side of Christianity: New Earth Creationism, Fundamentalists, etc. The truth is that the majority of Americans attend church services on an irregular basis at best (although there is a significant group of outwardly devout Christians in the U.S., no doubt about it), but even the most "cultural" Christian in the US becomes religious when a person dies, or is in a medical crisis. The Christian who in good times never prays or goes to Mass offers re-assurance at the funeral to dead's immediate family that they are in heaven, and that God will never give them too much to bear, or when a person is diagnosed with stage 4 cancer, tells them that they will be praying for them. That's because although they rarely practice their faith, and for all intents and purposes live like they do not believe in God, they still do.

What I am asking is: What are the grieving customs (or things people do when others are diagnosed with a major illness, etc.) in Netherlands, Denmark, Sweden, France, Germany, etc.? If you don't believe in an afterlife, you obviously don't say "they're in a better place now". If you don't believe in a God, or some impersonal "life force", you probably don't put much faith in prayer. This is a question I've been curious about for a long time.

[LindavG]

I've only ever lost one person in my life (my grandfather) and I grieve by just remembering him and our memories together. I accept the fact that he is no longer here and whether there is an afterlife or not, who knows? I won't assume that there is one just because it makes me feel better.

[Sidee]

This is probably in the wrong forum.

As an atheist I find your question odd. I can't be sure that there's no afterlife, but I could imagine myself thinking my loved ones in a "better place" as you put it. Whether it is in some sort of afterlife or just emptiness - I think of it as peace.

Being a cultural Christian there are usually funerals in Churches in my social circle and family. I don't pray and I never did.

[dunno what to put here]

I do not understand? How do we 'grieve'? By crying, by remembering, by visiting grave stones and laying flowers? Religion plays no rule in grieving IMO.

[intelfan11315]

I'm not European, but as a Catholic, religion isn't even on my mind 1% when someone I know dies

[jtur88]

They demand closure, same as in America.

Closure is newfangled politicopsychobabble that has suddenly replaced millennia of grieving customs. You blame the death on innocent bystanders and then bring them to some insane notion of justice.

[elnina]

Originally Posted by dunno what to put here

I do not understand? How do we 'grieve'? By crying, by remembering, by visiting grave stones and laying flowers? Religion plays no rule in grieving IMO.

^^^ This.
When my mom died few years ago I was wearing black/very dark clothes for a year or so. I visit my parents grave every time I visit my homeland, have scheduled grave care around the year; when I feel lonely I read her journals, look at family pictures, and I think about her everyday. We were very close and used to talk a lot even across the ocean.
I miss her very much... so, grieving is not a linear process.

[Manolón]

In Spain, widows must wear black during a year and they can't attend any festivities, movie theaters, etc.

If you have a bird cage with a canary, you must cover it with a black cloth.

[eskercurve]

From what I saw, it was a mix, but I disagree with the statement that even the most ho-hum rainy day Christian suddenly becomes more so during a grieving period. I was born and raised Catholic, was quite devout, then basically came to my personal conclusions and decided it wasn't for me.

I grieve by coming to terms with emotions and live in the moment and cherish the life that that family members wanted me to cherish, or gave me. I don't need religion for that. Only requirement for grieving is to be human with emotions. You don't need any gobbledygook about some big guy upstairs with some big sombrero telling people what to do and goes into violent mood swings to grieve.

Sure there's CUSTOMS that we go through ... going to a mass, rememberance at a funeral, burial in a ground ... but I do it just because of the motions and not wanting to offend anyone else in my family who is religious (my father particularly).

So I think the OP is wondering what CUSTOMS Europeans go through when someone dies. I know, in the time I spent there, the same as what happens in the US: people go through the motions of a custom that they no longer really believe in at heart. Though that is changing too. Many are choosing to be cremated and deposited in the sea in a nonreligious ceremony, or other means.

[TCAS007]

I think grieving is natural for all humans and we do it whether we are religious or not. Wearing black and how long depends on the region and culture.