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Old 12-04-2017, 02:47 PM
 
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Who says the cop sleeps with her? He doesn't sleep with her at all. He feels compelled to watch her for the time being after an attack. But when she tries to seduce him he rejects her. Not sex or even kissing even takes place, and he chooses not to get involved with her that way.

I'm just wondering what the problem is, especially since you thought that it was going to lead to him sleeping with her, which it doesn't.

Plus I ready wrote out the whole story, and this was just the one part I had trouble deciding on, so after this, it will be done.
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Old 12-04-2017, 05:18 PM
 
Location: The Land Mass Between NOLA and Mobile, AL
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Why don't you change the gender of the witness?
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Old 12-04-2017, 05:25 PM
 
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Well I wanted the witness to be a woman cause it plays into other parts of the story. Why should it be a man?
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Old 12-04-2017, 08:56 PM
 
Location: The Land Mass Between NOLA and Mobile, AL
1,796 posts, read 1,661,395 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ironpony View Post
Well I wanted the witness to be a woman cause it plays into other parts of the story. Why should it be a man?
Because if the witness were a man, you wouldn't have the "damsel in distress" problem.
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Old 12-04-2017, 10:00 PM
 
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What is the damsel in distress problem though exactly? Sorry, I'm lost here.
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Old 12-05-2017, 02:08 AM
 
Location: Old Mother Idaho
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I suggest watching the movie "Bodyguard", starring Kevin Costner and Whitney Houston.

It had a similar script problem-unbelievable circumstances- and though widely panned as being "a wondrously trashy belly flop", it did make some money.

But only because it had the most popular singer of the time, Whitney Houston, paired with the hottest leading man of the moment, Kevin Costner.
Whitney sang some songs, and that was enough to get folks in to see the movie. One, "I Will Always Love You", an earlier Dolly Parton hit, when on to be the biggest song of the year and her biggest single hit. Including a hot inter-racial love affair probably helped sell tickets, too.

Lawrence Kasdan wrote the script. Kasdan wrote and/or directed lotfs of movies, including other big hits; Return of the Jedi, The Force Awakens and all the other sequel Star Wars trilogy, Raiders of the Lost Ark, Body Heat, Silverado, The Big Chill, Dreamcatcher, and many others.

Some were huge hits, some flops, some critical faves, others garbage. He got there by writing poignant character ensemble dramas.

When he steps outside of that specialty, he flops. But he always gets another shot because viewers connect with his characters more than they don't.

Best of luck. You're trying to use an old, overdone concept, but Kasdan made it work well enough for it to make money.

And it wasn't his first effort; Body Heat was. In it, a femme fatale seduces a lawyer and convinces him to kill her husband. A very dark story with a very dark ending.

And with a very similar plot to Bodyguard. And a much bigger hit. It made Kathleen Turner and William Hurt huge stars when they were both unknowns, and set up Kasdan for the rest of his career and his life. And he's still working today.

If your script, direction and stars are better than his, you have it made in the shade, especially if you can figure out why Body Heat worked better than Bodyguard before you pitch your own script and movie.

Garbage sells tickets, but only if it's good garbage.
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Old 12-05-2017, 07:37 AM
 
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Okay thanks. I would say my script is much more similar to Body Heat than The Bodyguard. Cause in my the woman turns out the be the main villain, but the main character doesn't know that. She is a femme fatale, who is only pretending to be a 'damsel in distress', as part of her manipulation, for a bigger, more sinister plan.
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Old 12-08-2017, 11:04 PM
 
Location: Texas Hill Country
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Sigh. Let's try again.

I'm a retired fed. The reason your scenario doesn't work is because a true law enforcement professional is not going to throw away a career by violating police protocols.

One of those protocols is to not become directly involved with people involved in an ongoing investigation or court case. Why? Because LEO are supposed to stay objective. To involve oneself personally means a good defense attorney can allege the investigating officer has committed something nefarious or at least unprofessional, and cause the jury to look askance, possible causing an otherwise good case to be lost.

Never mind fictional cops -- they're fictional for a reason. Which is also why you don't see a whole lot of LEO being fans of same, either. The lone wolf cop is not believable to real ones.

If a LEO honestly believes someone is in danger, that LEO will go back to the office, report it, and let the supervisors, sometimes in coordination with the DA, determine if a protective detail is necessary. The officer DOES NOT DO IT ALONE ON HIS OWN SAY SO!
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Old 12-09-2017, 01:26 PM
 
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Oh okay, thanks. Well the way I wrote is that the LEO does report it, but nothing can be done right away. And since an attack on her house happens during this time, the LEO then breaks protocol in interest of protecting her for the night, until something can be done later.

As for cops getting involved with witnesses, the witness has been taking off the witness list in the story, so she is no longer a witness in the case. The reason why she is taken off is because there are things about her that make her not credible as a witness. But the villains do not know this and still come after her to find out what she told the police anyway, cause they still think she is a threat for knowing too much, and do not know she was deemed not credible. So she is not in the case at hand, and the prosecution is not using her in the case but other witnesses instead.

Plus the LEO in my story is currently more concerned with her life than the case and feels her life is more important than winning a court case. He believes that life comes first before winning a court case, and that's just the type of character he is. But he still reports it. In my research, I was told by the police that the department cannot afford to supply spur the moment protection detail for people who are believed to be in danger. So because of this, the main character does it on his own, cause his own department cannot supply it.

But I want to write it so that this character chooses not to follow protocol for once, cause it's fiction, if that is okay with most readers.

I mean it not work in real life, but does it work in fiction? You say that the LEO would not get directly involved with her, but all he does is protect her from danger for the next few hours. There is no romantic involvement of any kind when I say he protects her, if that's what you mean by 'direct involvement'?

But as for LEOs not making that kind of mistake in real life, in fiction you see professionals make mistakes in their jobs all the time though, for the sake of conflict, so would this fiction be any different? I mean if I have a main character who obeys all the rules and does everything right, then he has no flaws to keep him as engaging.

Last edited by ironpony; 12-09-2017 at 02:24 PM..
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Old 12-11-2017, 12:04 AM
 
Location: The Land Mass Between NOLA and Mobile, AL
1,796 posts, read 1,661,395 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ironpony View Post
Oh okay, thanks. Well the way I wrote is that the LEO does report it, but nothing can be done right away. And since an attack on her house happens during this time, the LEO then breaks protocol in interest of protecting her for the night, until something can be done later.

As for cops getting involved with witnesses, the witness has been taking off the witness list in the story, so she is no longer a witness in the case. The reason why she is taken off is because there are things about her that make her not credible as a witness. But the villains do not know this and still come after her to find out what she told the police anyway, cause they still think she is a threat for knowing too much, and do not know she was deemed not credible. So she is not in the case at hand, and the prosecution is not using her in the case but other witnesses instead.

Plus the LEO in my story is currently more concerned with her life than the case and feels her life is more important than winning a court case. He believes that life comes first before winning a court case, and that's just the type of character he is. But he still reports it. In my research, I was told by the police that the department cannot afford to supply spur the moment protection detail for people who are believed to be in danger. So because of this, the main character does it on his own, cause his own department cannot supply it.

But I want to write it so that this character chooses not to follow protocol for once, cause it's fiction, if that is okay with most readers.

I mean it not work in real life, but does it work in fiction? You say that the LEO would not get directly involved with her, but all he does is protect her from danger for the next few hours. There is no romantic involvement of any kind when I say he protects her, if that's what you mean by 'direct involvement'?

But as for LEOs not making that kind of mistake in real life, in fiction you see professionals make mistakes in their jobs all the time though, for the sake of conflict, so would this fiction be any different? I mean if I have a main character who obeys all the rules and does everything right, then he has no flaws to keep him as engaging.
That plot element is still tired. As a thought experiment undertaken by a middle-aged woman, I've always thought it would be an interesting mystery (or thriller) crime puzzler to have a protagonist commit murder with an icicle.

If the murderer (or villain) wore sufficient outer-garments and gloves, there would be virtually no physical evidence. I could be wrong; however, I'm not in LE.
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