i need some love advice
Posted 10-15-2008 at 07:05 PM by jackiee
hi everyone..
i dont know what to do and it seems like no one in my life can help me so i'm hoping that someone will read this and know what to say...
im having trouble with my ex boyfriend. we were dating on and off for about 4 years. to make a long story short, he wasnt very nice to me at times but i stayed with him not only because i loved him but because i figured the not so nice part of him was a result of the physical and emotion abuse he received from his parents. but after a while i started to resent him. i felt i couldnt break it off because he seemed so fragile to me. i was scared of what he might do to himself. i started going crazy i lost my head and i cheated on him. knowing that was really the wrong way to go i broke up with my boyfriend.
well we still saw eachother after that and when i finally decided to tell him what i had done, we drifted. i thought it would be best if we didnt see each other but he insisted on being friends.
that didnt really work out seeing as we never really knew how to be friends in the first place. i thought things we going good until i found out he was seeing someone else. AND he knows i know.
i dont know whether i have the right to be mad or not because i had done the same thing to him. but i dont understand why he would still want to see me, why doesnt he just let me go? but he never has even after all our break ups he always hung on even if i wanted to let go. am i suppose to do the same? even if i know he is seeing someone else am i suppose to keep fighting? i dont think its right and i want to just move on but on the other hand would he have held on for me to? im so confused. i dont know whether or not to let go. even though we've had tough times, theres a reason i sticked with this boy for so long. i love him and although he has done some stupid things in the past i know hes a good person because ive seen the good in him. what do you think>?
i dont know what to do and it seems like no one in my life can help me so i'm hoping that someone will read this and know what to say...
im having trouble with my ex boyfriend. we were dating on and off for about 4 years. to make a long story short, he wasnt very nice to me at times but i stayed with him not only because i loved him but because i figured the not so nice part of him was a result of the physical and emotion abuse he received from his parents. but after a while i started to resent him. i felt i couldnt break it off because he seemed so fragile to me. i was scared of what he might do to himself. i started going crazy i lost my head and i cheated on him. knowing that was really the wrong way to go i broke up with my boyfriend.
well we still saw eachother after that and when i finally decided to tell him what i had done, we drifted. i thought it would be best if we didnt see each other but he insisted on being friends.
that didnt really work out seeing as we never really knew how to be friends in the first place. i thought things we going good until i found out he was seeing someone else. AND he knows i know.
i dont know whether i have the right to be mad or not because i had done the same thing to him. but i dont understand why he would still want to see me, why doesnt he just let me go? but he never has even after all our break ups he always hung on even if i wanted to let go. am i suppose to do the same? even if i know he is seeing someone else am i suppose to keep fighting? i dont think its right and i want to just move on but on the other hand would he have held on for me to? im so confused. i dont know whether or not to let go. even though we've had tough times, theres a reason i sticked with this boy for so long. i love him and although he has done some stupid things in the past i know hes a good person because ive seen the good in him. what do you think>?
Total Comments 8
Comments
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does no one believe in loving someone forever? through thick and thin? the notebook style of loving forever? or are we to good for that? go with your pride and find someone new or push ur pride aide and fight for who you love? HELPPosted 10-15-2008 at 07:30 PM by jackiee
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I met my wife in 1989 at College. We were just friends.... I moved to CA in 1990, and we didn't see each other for 13 years. Thought about her almost every day. Saw her name in classmates.com while looking for a buddy of mine. Sent her a message to say hi, and she replied back saying that she thought about me every day for 13 years! We loved each other, without knowing it. Turns out, neither one of us had ever been married, or had kids. Needless to say...she moved to CA from TX, and we have been married for 4 years. Our first baby is due on Dec. 8th. I spent 13 years waiting for her.... I cannot imagine one moment of life without her in it. The trick is... to not look for it. Let it come to you.....Posted 10-16-2008 at 06:31 AM by jsykes71
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perhaps a more practical advice for you jackiee is to make a fresh start with him - meet up with him, open your heart as you have done in your post, share you cheated on him, ask him for forgiveness and get things clear ... i think loving someone is about two things mainly ...
1. realising love is a choice, not just a feeling or emotion, but at the core it's a choice ... (i think you have done this already judging from your post)
2. be open, brutally honest and do not hold back ... make it so the person he loves is the real you and the same hopefully the other way around ...
hope this helps a bit ... getting that clarity should help you to decide, is it worth it or not?Posted 10-16-2008 at 07:36 AM by Black Ghost 7
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Jackie, unfortunately your definition of Love, as well as, your boyfriends definition of Love hinges on selfishness. And if you are content to be in a selfish relationship, then by all means stay there with him. Love does not cheat on the one it loves, but selfishness does. Love does not hurt others because you've been hurt in the past, but selfishness does. Love does not demean or degrade our significant other, but selfishness does. Love does not see other people, while refusing to let go of someone else, but selfishness does. If you enjoy being in a relationship with someone who is selfish, while you are being selfish, then I think you are in the perfect relationship. By the way, Love does not hold on to something or someone for the sake of having someone, "you've guessed it" selfishness does!Posted 10-16-2008 at 10:01 AM by revadt
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The best advice I can give you is to run away from the loser as fast as you can. I should know, you described me when you described him. I behaved exactly like him, so fragile and abused. Guess what, I was dumped on my you know what, hit rock bottom, then started to climb out on my own. I am now with the most beautiful girl in the world for the past 15 years. What he needs is some hard love. Push him away. I wish you the best.
Posted 11-28-2008 at 09:45 AM by Hammer in Exile
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Sometimes you stick to someone because you are more afraid of risk..to be alone..to be rejected..to be hurt again. The best chances at love require some measured risks and you will know if it is worth it...you will not be asking on a blog...that is your sign......Posted 11-30-2008 at 07:17 AM by gumdrop123
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Alone
Someone told me once,"It is better to be alone than to wish you were." Such sage advice, no? Many people cannot stand to be without a partner as though they are not comfortable in their own skin. You gotta learn to like yourself, your own company. And forget this guy, he's got too much baggage and did not treat you well. No one has to put up with that, unless, of course, they just cannot tolerate the idea of being alone. Join a club , take a class, do something ALONE and meet other people who are nice to you, who enjoy getting out and doing things and going places, and who feel comfortable in their own skin. It's ok not to hear from them everyday. I assume you are young...get out and do some living, girlfriend ! Life is too short to be spending time with someone you don't feel happy with and who does not make you laugh. Good luck..now go kick him to the curb or cut the cord or whatever you need to do to start living ! Believe me, there are some good ones out there!
Posted 11-30-2008 at 01:06 PM by DeborahJ
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Hi, it's sad to read that it seems that no one in your life can help you with this kind of situation..cause I really can't imagine that you are trying to get help through reading all the advise is given you right now..How is it possible that you can take advise from people who don't know your character and your background , even though they all mean it well and I read some great things , which are ofcourse true to follow in a way .. still every person has to go through his or her own life experiences/lessons..as long as you are making bad descisions in your life, the wrongs will come back untill you learn, whatever makes you unhappy..you are the only one who can make the choise to change your behaviour if you really want to .. if you don't want to make a descision ,you can waist your time staying confused and asking yourself why this or why that..I just want to ask you why do you want to stay in an unhealthy relationship?why did you want to cheat? why did you let him emotionally abuse you? Why do you want to be mad at all?What makes him a good person? So many questions you can ask yourself.. aren't you worth better? hope you can find your peace within yourself.Posted 11-30-2008 at 05:29 PM by angelican
