Friends and Birthdays....?
Posted 09-10-2019 at 11:44 AM by Blondebaerde
In a now-closed thread, OP is lamenting that a "friend" is upset she blew him off for a "surprise" party on *her* birthday, with two tickets to the game. She's paying a social penalty for this.
Uh, friends don't act that way.
My friends keep clear of me on my birthday, isn't this how it is for others? It's my day, so to speak, and odds are immense I just want to get the hell away from humanity for just one (1) day/year.
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Guess I have different group of friends. Sounds like OP's "friend" is trying to ladder-jump. I don't pull anything that intimate with my female inner-circle friend, we both like the ladder just where it is. I treat her very little different from any other friend, which does NOT mean commitments, emotional blackmail, and other relationship BS.
I seldom, if-ever, ask "friends" to "spend the day with me" on birthdays. My objective on birthdays and holidays is to keep clear of them, that is the point: it's a holiday, or it's *my* birthday, I'll spend the day as I damn well please which 99% the time means away from humanity.
Couple years ago female friend wanted to spend the AM of her birthday with me, it was important to her, so I deliberately went. That was a birthday present, sort-of. We looked at some products I know a little bit about, so my input was important. Eight months later, she bought one after extensive research to it did matter. I bought her lunch, and she went off to spend rest of her day doing something else. Didn't ask, don't care, what that would be: her day. She asked as a special favor and ensured I could come through. Being one who meets commitments, I did so.
Anyone dumb enough to buy me "two tickets" to anything on my birthday needs their head examined. Odds-are I bought tickets to the iPic theater to watch "IT Part II" or something two weeks prior, alone, with a chicken quesadilla and some tater-tots. Or like couple weeks ago, when I bought a ticket to LAX and a front-row seat Dodgers vs. Yankees to see a fall classic on my own. That trip was for me, no one else, when convenient. Not sure what the expectation is with others to do what *they* want on *your* birthday.
And yes, I've made this clear to the few inner-circle pals I have. They get it, or go away, and I certainly extend them a very similar courtesy: they're mostly married or running around with guys or whatever people are into. Go spend the day with the wife, or girlfriend/boyfriend, or whatever horror you've signed up for.
Might want to face the conflict with the "friend" and set some boundaries, hey? As directly and loudly as necessary to cut through their static. "Surprise" birthday anything is an invitation for me to put a leg over the Ducati and motor off in the other direction, and being shamed for it after would result in a two word follow up from yours truly, second word being "off!"
How some people live here both amuses and amazes me sometimes...
Uh, friends don't act that way.
My friends keep clear of me on my birthday, isn't this how it is for others? It's my day, so to speak, and odds are immense I just want to get the hell away from humanity for just one (1) day/year.
**********************************
Guess I have different group of friends. Sounds like OP's "friend" is trying to ladder-jump. I don't pull anything that intimate with my female inner-circle friend, we both like the ladder just where it is. I treat her very little different from any other friend, which does NOT mean commitments, emotional blackmail, and other relationship BS.
I seldom, if-ever, ask "friends" to "spend the day with me" on birthdays. My objective on birthdays and holidays is to keep clear of them, that is the point: it's a holiday, or it's *my* birthday, I'll spend the day as I damn well please which 99% the time means away from humanity.
Couple years ago female friend wanted to spend the AM of her birthday with me, it was important to her, so I deliberately went. That was a birthday present, sort-of. We looked at some products I know a little bit about, so my input was important. Eight months later, she bought one after extensive research to it did matter. I bought her lunch, and she went off to spend rest of her day doing something else. Didn't ask, don't care, what that would be: her day. She asked as a special favor and ensured I could come through. Being one who meets commitments, I did so.
Anyone dumb enough to buy me "two tickets" to anything on my birthday needs their head examined. Odds-are I bought tickets to the iPic theater to watch "IT Part II" or something two weeks prior, alone, with a chicken quesadilla and some tater-tots. Or like couple weeks ago, when I bought a ticket to LAX and a front-row seat Dodgers vs. Yankees to see a fall classic on my own. That trip was for me, no one else, when convenient. Not sure what the expectation is with others to do what *they* want on *your* birthday.
And yes, I've made this clear to the few inner-circle pals I have. They get it, or go away, and I certainly extend them a very similar courtesy: they're mostly married or running around with guys or whatever people are into. Go spend the day with the wife, or girlfriend/boyfriend, or whatever horror you've signed up for.
Might want to face the conflict with the "friend" and set some boundaries, hey? As directly and loudly as necessary to cut through their static. "Surprise" birthday anything is an invitation for me to put a leg over the Ducati and motor off in the other direction, and being shamed for it after would result in a two word follow up from yours truly, second word being "off!"
How some people live here both amuses and amazes me sometimes...
