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Just waiting for death...Why don't I die before I get worse?

Posted 03-19-2024 at 01:14 PM by TNSLPPTSO13

Feeling so tired all the time....so weak...my muscle mass is gone...The chemo is apparently killing me.

Lost 43 Lbs. since November..It hurts to eat solid food..My mouth is full of sores...my lips are cracking...The roof of my mouth feels like I have an open sore on it..My taste buds are gone...
When I brush my teeth it hurts like crazy...as if I were using rubbing alcohol on my mouth sores.

Most of my teeth are gone.TBH,this is not because of the chemo...I've only been to the dentist 4 times in my entire life...each time to remove a molar. The rest of my teeth have been ground to oblivion due to nervous tooth-grinding,

I can't read with my right eye...huge cataract.
If I hadn't gotten cataract surgery on my left eye in 2020,I would be legally blind now.

So..Chronic HBP,Becoming fully Type 2 diabetic because the chemo has dextrose in it...like injecting sugar directly into my veins(A1C went from 6.1 last October to 9.1 last week)...Kidneys not working well as per EgFr and Creatinine test results...Peripheral neuropathy reaching my hands now;chemo does that. Can barely walk 60 steps to my car from my apartment without stopping to relieve the pain in my legs...Holding on to my cane for dear life as I'm tending to fall on my face due to balance issues.

CT scan last week showing the cancer is stable after 5 chemo sessions...but that doesn't mean is getting any better....

If there is white bearded-white robed entity...why doesn't it kill me as painlessly as possible and ASAP?

This is not living...this is purgatory on Earth.
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