Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > Blogs > TNSLPPTSO13
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Rate this Entry

I have no reason to kee p living...

Posted 03-31-2024 at 11:31 AM by TNSLPPTSO13


As I get weaker and weaker;to the point that literally all I do after I get home from work is stay in bed and only get up for bathroom and maybe
eat something so I won't pass out....I just wonder what I will do if my cancer improves.
I don't have friends,close-by family. My nephew has decided to become a "digital nomad" by maybe moving to S.E. Asia with a wife and 2 kids.
He's already in Cambodia.
While I wasn't really expecting to be a burden on him as I got older;I just thought that maybe I could get some help socially;physically...by him just being there for me to put down as an emergency contact.
If I get better...what's next after I'm let go from my job of 46 years?..
I won't be able to pursue a physically active retirement...I walk with a cane due to peripheral neuropathy that has basically made me handicapped. So no long walks to estimulate my mood...whatever..
Swimming is/never was an option..Too many body dismorphia issues..Last time I was at a beach was 1971.
I will be struggling to live alone in Miami being a renter on $2857/month SS;always in the back of my head knwing that my rent will go up and I would be literally homeless with no family support system to help me.
I will always be sick....whether is the diabetes,chronic depression and HBP,neuropathy,anemia,beginnings of CKD;stage 4 cancer that's already on my liver.
I will always be alone....I've developed from an introvert to a full throttle misanthrope.
And I won't be able to escape the Medicaid nursing home with the constant smell of urine and decrepit humans that should not be alive screaming;moaning...Like the one I spent 4 months in after a toe amputation. This alone is enought for me to wish myself a sudden death
So why even think positively....It will be a worse quality of life for me if I live any longer.
I wish I had the balls to off myself..I'm a failure even at that.
Posted in Uncategorized
Views 26 Comments 0
Total Comments 0

Comments

 

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 08:54 AM.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top