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It's getting better!!!,but I don't feel any happiness/gratitute...

Posted 05-23-2024 at 03:13 PM by TNSLPPTSO13


Just got the results of my latest ctscan to evaluate my progress in my Cancer treatments.

I've had 9 Chemo Sessions so far...Doctor says he wants me to go through 2 more and then do another scan .

The tumor in my esophagus/stomach junction is considerably reduced from my last scan last March...Also,my liver and lymph glands do not show considerable worsening.

But I'm not crying victory until I'm told that I'm in remission....and even if you go in remission;it's no guarantee that the Cancer won't come back.

I also asked my Doctor if that means that I'm now at stage 3 instead of 4....He said that once you are diagnosed as stage 4;you will always be stage 4.

Yet...though physically I feel better and have more energy...no nausea...no trouble swallowing..no stomach pain or bloating..
Somehow I don't feel better mentally..I'm still depressed and tired most of the time..Haven't been able to clean my apartment in 3 months...My white-tiled floors are filthy from cat hair and dander...I'm showering every 10 days or so....Haven't cooked a meal in months...Been eating a lot of Pizza(My favorite food)...Have gained 10 Lbs. in the last month;but that was a good thing because its probably helping with my anemia;as I had lost 43 Lbs. since I begin treatment and my hemoglobin was like near death levels.

Don't know what's gonna happen next..My anxiety over my finances/rent/job loss/debt is still there as always...I'm still dealing with my Type 2 Diabetes,HBP,peripheral neuropathy that has basically made me a cripple,anemia and of course the C factor.

I'm not a faith person..just can't accept fairy tales written 2000 years ago...
So here I am...hopefully dying suddenly and painlessly.
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