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Rating: 2 votes, 4.00 average.

Why do I not want to be a cop?

Posted 04-25-2012 at 04:47 PM by txtqueen


When I became an explorer I got interested in law enforcement.
I wanted to learn how to become a cop so that I could be that power, that force that steps in when something is going on and says this isn't ok and that I help the people in need and make them feel safe again.

After issues with my mom and a recent issue with the police I have lost all faith in law enforcement. I cannot bring myself to work with people who have become so calloused and stoic from years on the job, nor do I want to become a cop and become one of those people and lose sight on what I was became one for.

I also realized that cops hands are so tied, there usually is very little they can do and the things they can do usually cause more trouble for people than is needed.

The main thing that led to me not wanting to be a cop anymore is something that happened back in February.

TG was dealing with crap at work.
I was dealing with legal issues with a friend and we both we're stressed to the max and just wanted away. So one Wednesday night after work, I got off at 11 and headed over to TG's who had been sent home from work early and then spent the rest of the day in bed miserable because of why he got sent home. (He had two customers in line with babies, two moms meeting for lunch, one mom bailed on the other mom and left to seat herself and her child, leaving the other mother to carry ALL the food and her child, TG kindly picked up their tray took it to the table and set it down for them. He in turn got yelled at for it because his GM told his it was a "bad decision")
He had been laying in bed watching tv drinking beer, he said he wanted to go up to the mountains and just get away. I wanted to as well I spent most the night crying at work because of the friend who tried to press felony charges on me. We we're both miserable. So we headed up to the mountains, didn't fill up before we left and all I had was my grandmothers gas card on me, I was suppose to get my check the next day.
Anyways, as I was driving up the mountain I started to try and find a shell gas station and couldn't find one, about georgetown I pulled off at an exit, changed in my car, found a shell station at the next exit and got back on the road and went to that station.

Then upon arriving could not find the gas card, started rapidly searching for it and couldn't find it, then finally found it and tried to pump. It didn't work, I tried 3 different pumps, none of them worked. Little did I know since I was using the card so far away from where it is typically used it flagged it as fraud, called my grandmother who is an hour ahead and she was asleep so she couldn't tell them it was ok. Proceed to me FREAKING OUT. Its below freezing, I'm half-assed dress in jeans and a hoodie and FLIP FLOPS, all I had in my car, my gas light was on, I'm looking at the mountains unrationally thinking about what might come attack and eat us and I get back in the car put the card down and then when I go to drive over to the other gas station because TG thinks he has a few dollars left on his card, I don't see the card when I put the car into gear, proceed to me stopping AGAIN, FREAKING OUT again, TG went over to the drivers side to look for me while I calmed down and stopped throwing **** looking for my card. He's sitting in the drivers seat, no intention to drive at all since he had been drinking.

Here's the kicker, a car starts to pull in behind us, TG see's said car and since we're currently blocking two pumps at once pulls the car up 3 GODDAMNED FEET and gets a DUI for it. 3 ****ING FEET at a CLOSED gas station(the pumps were on), in the MIDDLE of the night, with no one around. That's not DUI worthy. But no the law is black and white, with no compassion and discretion.

Oh and these wonderful members of law enforcement didn't even ask if we needed help, he only asked TG how much he had to drink. Lovely officer if you had nothing better to do than to watch us to harass us you would have seen that I WAS THE EFFING DRIVER, no no, lets not get the facts first.

Its total BS, we're fighting it and I lost ALL respect for law enforcement and realized something huge. I have tickets I can't afford to pay off all at once, my registration was $300, I could not ticket people for things like that because I know how hard it is to pay them off or be able to afford them. If someones tags were expired how do I know why they can't afford it, it may be because they spend their money on drugs, it may be because they have a very sick child and their house is getting foreclosed on and money is tight and food for the family trumped car registration. Then all the fines that come along with being late and such. It's all a giant way for the government to make money off the people.

Yes, there are still the cops out there who do a good job, they save lives and keep people safe but they are too few and far between for me to even want to try and work with them. I don't want to be any part of the cruel, cold callousedness that most officers become.

I rather put my knowledge and compassion to better use and do something that really matters, something that impacts the lives of others for the better, some that really lets people know that there is someone out there who cares and is there for them.

I've run through massage therapist (make the world a more relaxed and pain free place.)
Teacher (mold the minds of kids, teach them in a way they learn, make an impact on how they see education.)
Criminal defense attorney. (Some people are in the wrong place at the wrong time, they get wrongly blamed. They are being falsely accused. Whatever. They need protecting too. Someone needs to be there for them to make sure they have a fair trial, that the facts are all correct and found in a lawful manner and help get the truly innocent people out of the situations they find themselves in.

So that is why I do not want to be a cop any longer.
Yes, I am sad that I won't be but the system I once believed in has shown me it's ugly side, and I can't enforce something I don't think is just and right.
Posted in Uncategorized
Views 18459 Comments 79
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Total Comments 79

Comments

  1. Old Comment
    You have the forgiving and the forgetting thing mixed up. To move forward you'll need to figure out how to move ahead rather than dwell on the past. It doesn't mean you're admitting that she was right, simply that she most likely did the best she knew how under the circumstances. Not forgetting, means that you will do your best to not repeat what you consider her mistakes when you are a parent or in other situations. Honestly though, I think you enjoy the drama and attention you garner from continuing with the not forgiving. You'd rather put her down than forgive her. Even if it means it's holding you back. Hopefully, one day, you'd rather move ahead than be angry at her.
    permalink
    Posted 05-01-2012 at 04:15 PM by maciesmom maciesmom is offline
  2. Old Comment
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by maciesmom View Comment
    You have the forgiving and the forgetting thing mixed up. To move forward you'll need to figure out how to move ahead rather than dwell on the past. It doesn't mean you're admitting that she was right, simply that she most likely did the best she knew how under the circumstances. Not forgetting, means that you will do your best to not repeat what you consider her mistakes when you are a parent or in other situations. Honestly though, I think you enjoy the drama and attention you garner from continuing with the not forgiving. You'd rather put her down than forgive her. Even if it means it's holding you back. Hopefully, one day, you'd rather move ahead than be angry at her.
    I still suffer from self-esteem issues because of things she's said to me.
    I don't even talk to my mom anymore. I talk to my brother and he spend a lot of time with me and TG but I do not talk to my mom very often at all. She is always negative and always puts me down, she didn't even congratulate me when I told her the big news. I got more response from acquaintances at work than I did her. So I'm not running around putting her down, I don't see her, I don't talk to her and I don't think about her. I go about my life, getting over my issues with my self esteem and building myself as the person I want me to be.
    permalink
    Posted 05-01-2012 at 05:08 PM by txtqueen txtqueen is offline
  3. Old Comment
    Missed the point completely. You still are getting something out of blaming her for what is wrong in your life. At what point are you going to own your mistakes as well as your successes? All I hear from you is blaming your mom for what is wrong and patting yourself on the back (or TG) for what you see is right.

    ETA - when you start accepting that responsibility, and make actual real progress toward some kind of accomplishment with a job or career. Something that you wanted, worked toward and earned, then you'll realize how good that real accomplishment feels and that you can acheive it, regardless of the past. Until then, you'll be content using her as an excuse.
    permalink
    Posted 05-01-2012 at 05:45 PM by maciesmom maciesmom is offline
    Updated 05-01-2012 at 05:54 PM by maciesmom
  4. Old Comment
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by maciesmom View Comment
    Missed the point completely. You still are getting something out of blaming her for what is wrong in your life. At what point are you going to own your mistakes as well as your successes? All I hear from you is blaming your mom for what is wrong and patting yourself on the back (or TG) for what you see is right.

    ETA - when you start accepting that responsibility, and make actual real progress toward some kind of accomplishment with a job or career. Something that you wanted, worked toward and earned, then you'll realize how good that real accomplishment feels and that you can acheive it, regardless of the past. Until then, you'll be content using her as an excuse.
    I never said that I still blame her for anything career or school related. I know I need to go to school and start a career.

    The things I blame her for are deeper than that and emotional, things that are pretty hardwired into me even today. Like being extra sensitive when it comes to things getting to close to my face, how flinchy and skiddish I can be because of her hitting me in the face all the time.
    How whipped and passive I act. I am so used to agreeing with my mom simply to agree with my mom as to not start a fight I do that with everyone, I can never have a conflicting opinion or speak up for myself, which is something TG is trying to get me to work on.

    There is a lot more.


    And you know what I am actually the happiest I have ever been in my entire life. Last night after I warmed up to those shorts and saw how I do look good in them, I must have had the biggest smile on my face because TG pulled in and gave me a kiss and he said something about how happy I looked and how it felt real and genuine and that he loved to see me happy and confident about something.
    He breaks me out of this shell I have formed from years of listening to my mom degrade me. I live in this little small world and don't do anything that would get criticism, he helps me break out of that and try things I want to try and stop doing everything to appease my mom.

    Just in the past year:
    -I have gone from almost 150 down to 125.
    -A size 10/12 to a size 4.
    -I have started eating healthier.
    -I have started an amazing relationship with an amazing man who makes me really happy.
    -I am finally moving out of my mom's house and taking the relationship to the next level with that amazing man.
    -I have found a job that provides me with enough that I can split rent and things with someone and be fine.
    -I get out more and I am 100% more active. We play disc golf, we go to the dog park, we go for walks around town.
    My life has done total 360 from sitting at my mom's house with a part time job and never going anywhere.
    permalink
    Posted 05-01-2012 at 06:32 PM by txtqueen txtqueen is offline
  5. Old Comment
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by maciesmom View Comment
    Missed the point completely. You still are getting something out of blaming her for what is wrong in your life. At what point are you going to own your mistakes as well as your successes? All I hear from you is blaming your mom for what is wrong and patting yourself on the back (or TG) for what you see is right.

    ETA - when you start accepting that responsibility, and make actual real progress toward some kind of accomplishment with a job or career. Something that you wanted, worked toward and earned, then you'll realize how good that real accomplishment feels and that you can acheive it, regardless of the past. Until then, you'll be content using her as an excuse.
    I don't need an accomplishment with a job or career right now.
    My mom hasn't really stunted me in those areas, she socially stunted me mentally and emotionally to the point its been really hard socially on me sometimes.

    My greatest accomplishment is being in a relationship with some as long as I have and finally being able to break through some of that mental and emotional stuff that affected me so much and be moving in with a guy because of all the work I put into the relationship and the progress I have made in this area. This right now is a huge accomplishment and I am very happy with this one.

    My school and career accomplishment will come in time once I am done with school, until I will work on it as much as I can.
    permalink
    Posted 05-01-2012 at 06:35 PM by txtqueen txtqueen is offline
  6. Old Comment
    Here's what you don't see. You don't want to see. What we've been trying to tell you but you get sidetracked with other things.

    Quote:
    "I don't need an accomplishment with a job and career right now."
    Oh really? What happens if things don't work out? You're right back at your mom's house.

    The reason we pushed you to move forward with actually doing something and making your success and happiness out of your own accomplishments is so that, regardless of anything else in your life, you don't HAVE to depend on anyone. You'd have the choice to stay or to leave. That is what real power and control over your life is. The knowledge that you are in a situation because that's where you choose to be not because you have to be. Right now, you my dear, are on the path to repeating your mother's life. I'd bet dollars to donuts she regrets it and that is exactly why she tried to insist on you going to college. So your life would be better. Right now? You are just tying your hopes to a guy, hoping that it will all work out. A guy who doesn't have anything more than you do at that. You have the resources to provide some kind of education for yourself, and time and again you choose not to. You keep saying you will "later" . Well gosh, you're 22 without any encumbrances to make things even more difficult. When exactly is later? And why? It will never ever be any easier than it is right now. SMH.
    permalink
    Posted 05-02-2012 at 05:21 PM by maciesmom maciesmom is offline
  7. Old Comment
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by maciesmom View Comment
    Here's what you don't see. You don't want to see. What we've been trying to tell you but you get sidetracked with other things.



    Oh really? What happens if things don't work out? You're right back at your mom's house.

    The reason we pushed you to move forward with actually doing something and making your success and happiness out of your own accomplishments is so that, regardless of anything else in your life, you don't HAVE to depend on anyone. You'd have the choice to stay or to leave. That is what real power and control over your life is. The knowledge that you are in a situation because that's where you choose to be not because you have to be. Right now, you my dear, are on the path to repeating your mother's life. I'd bet dollars to donuts she regrets it and that is exactly why she tried to insist on you going to college. So your life would be better. Right now? You are just tying your hopes to a guy, hoping that it will all work out. A guy who doesn't have anything more than you do at that. You have the resources to provide some kind of education for yourself, and time and again you choose not to. You keep saying you will "later" . Well gosh, you're 22 without any encumbrances to make things even more difficult. When exactly is later? And why? It will never ever be any easier than it is right now. SMH.
    Well either way, it's going to be a few years before I finish my degree and then possibly attend law school. I still don't know what I want to do.
    But when I get moved and into my new schedule(transferring work sites) then I will see how much time I have and start taking a few classes here and there.

    Either way I still have like 2 years of college to finish.
    permalink
    Posted 05-02-2012 at 08:06 PM by txtqueen txtqueen is offline
  8. Old Comment
    This post said absolutely nothing. Nada. Zip.
    permalink
    Posted 05-02-2012 at 08:26 PM by maciesmom maciesmom is offline
  9. Old Comment
    Major fail on the diversionary effort.

    I wouldn't major in anything involving tactics and strategy. (Which would be essential in law school btw.)
    permalink
    Posted 05-02-2012 at 08:42 PM by DewDropInn DewDropInn is offline
  10. Old Comment
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by DewDropInn View Comment
    Major fail on the diversionary effort.

    I wouldn't major in anything involving tactics and strategy. (Which would be essential in law school btw.)
    Dude I would make an amazing lawyer.
    I agrue, I argue some more, I try to persuade to think like me, I don't give up and I object to most everything everyone else says.

    All kidding aside, in my family you're either an english major, trust fund moocher or a lawyer of some sort, I really like the latter over the first two.
    permalink
    Posted 05-02-2012 at 09:05 PM by txtqueen txtqueen is offline
  11. Old Comment
    You're well on your way to door number 2. Liking something is meaningless without action. You have been "taking classes" for 4 years and don't even have an AA from what I can tell. And who's paying for lawschool? You actually have to GO to class. Not all of which might be interesting. Then what?

    And yes, lawyers make arguments. That is not the same thing as being argumentative. There should be some basis for the argument. It should be logical and consistent. That is a problem.
    permalink
    Posted 05-02-2012 at 09:26 PM by maciesmom maciesmom is offline
    Updated 05-02-2012 at 09:35 PM by maciesmom
  12. Old Comment
    I took classes from January 2009 to January 2011.
    permalink
    Posted 05-02-2012 at 10:09 PM by txtqueen txtqueen is offline
  13. Old Comment
    Doesn't matter what your family has done.

    YOU haven't done anything. No-thing. So far it's all talk and bs. Talk means nothing to me. And I can get bs from the guy who bags the groceries.

    How man credits do you have? I keep asking that, risking Julia's wrath mind you, and you keep avoiding answering.
    permalink
    Posted 05-03-2012 at 08:52 AM by DewDropInn DewDropInn is offline
    Updated 05-03-2012 at 09:10 AM by DewDropInn
  14. Old Comment
    I don't know exactly
    permalink
    Posted 05-03-2012 at 01:40 PM by txtqueen txtqueen is offline
  15. Old Comment
    So you've taken a handful ofclasses, you don't care enough to find out exactly where you are toward some kind of....anything. you haven't set up an appointment with a career counselor at the school to find out and make a plan to finish. Yeah. I can see that law scoo, is right around the corner.
    permalink
    Posted 05-03-2012 at 03:26 PM by maciesmom maciesmom is offline
  16. Old Comment
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by maciesmom View Comment
    So you've taken a handful ofclasses, you don't care enough to find out exactly where you are toward some kind of....anything. you haven't set up an appointment with a career counselor at the school to find out and make a plan to finish. Yeah. I can see that law scoo, is right around the corner.
    Never said it was right around the corner.
    Once I move and get my new schedule at work I will take a look at my schedule and see how much time I have and see if I can do online classes for college at home, it save me money on gas and such and will allow me to be home more often but I won't start until the fall semester.

    Then based on working fulltime and working on my classes in my off time, hopefully working at my own pace I will be able to speed things up and get through classes pretty quick and stay within a two year time frame of getting my bachelors. Then since I will be paying for law school on my own I am going to take another year or two off and save up the money for law school while I study for the LSAT and then start finding a law school. I will most likely have to do part-time law school which takes 4 years instead of 3. So we're looking at a process that will start in the fall of this year and not end for another 6 years.
    Either way I still have at least 2 years till my bachelors and then 4 years of law school, so there is no making this process go faster unless I were to quit working and go to school full time plus an online class load which would mean I would have to quit working which isn't an option but regardless I will still finish my degree before I am 30 and start having kids at like 30 or 31. If not sooner and just plan them out really well. Like go for summer birthdates so I can have them when I am not doing school.

    Either way I have somewhat of a plan.
    permalink
    Posted 05-05-2012 at 07:25 AM by txtqueen txtqueen is offline
  17. Old Comment
    I have no doubt you have a plan. You always do. It's the follow-through you have trouble with. If I were betting, I'd say a year from now you won't be any closer to implementing this "plan" than you are today. That's what you need to work on. You're all kinds of good at "planning". Try implementing. You'll accomplish more.

    My guess is, you'll keep coasting along as long as the "easy button" is available to you.
    permalink
    Posted 05-06-2012 at 03:03 PM by maciesmom maciesmom is offline
  18. Old Comment
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by maciesmom View Comment
    I have no doubt you have a plan. You always do. It's the follow-through you have trouble with. If I were betting, I'd say a year from now you won't be any closer to implementing this "plan" than you are today. That's what you need to work on. You're all kinds of good at "planning". Try implementing. You'll accomplish more.

    My guess is, you'll keep coasting along as long as the "easy button" is available to you.
    Hmm, lets see, it's like idk how long since I posted this and I am already moved out, TG already has a better job, and we're already pretty damn close to saving up money and doing things like getting a second car.
    permalink
    Posted 05-26-2012 at 10:43 AM by txtqueen txtqueen is offline
  19. Old Comment
    What's with all these nasty comments ? txtqueen is not perfect, and neither are you ! She seems more mature than most people her age, more eloquent than most people and has so much more patience. (eg responding in a calm way to all of you who pile on the critisism)
    permalink
    Posted 09-14-2013 at 03:02 AM by blacktothefuture blacktothefuture is offline
 

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