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Lies... are a real problem.
It may SEEM like no big deal, but the thing about "little" lies is that they convey a message on so many levels.
You see, first off we lie (even little white lies, which I see someone justified in here) to avoid trouble and confrontation. If confronted with the "do you think I'm fat?" scenario as given by someone, then rather than lie, I'd tell the truth by saying "I think we could ALL stand to lose a little weight around here."
That way it's NOT a lie, the truth has been told but no feelings should be hurt. Some people will be hurt no matter what one says, and maybe it's just me but I'd rather tell the truth in a non-hurtful way over lying.
If a person is willing to lie to avoid trouble over little, needless things, then what do you think they'll do to avoid trouble over the big things? After all, they've already proved they're willing to lie to you over nothing. Am I incorrect in this?
But more important is the UNspoken message:
People lie to someone when they believe they can get away with it.
It indicates a real, solid LACK OF RESPECT for the person to whom they are lying. The lack of respect comes from many places all at once.
- They believe the other person won't figure it out. They are "pulling one over" on the other person, even if they don't mean any harm. It suggests a "cleverness" about the liar, and a "gullibility" about the person lied to.
It means, in essence, saying "any old thing" to that person is good enough; they aren't deserving of the truth REGARDLESS, they're only deserving of the truth when the liar deems it so.
- If the person lied to doesn't figure it out, the liar feels satisfaction. They got away with it. They are rewarded for their lie -- and the next time they feel a need to lie about whatever "little" thing, they feel even less compunction than they did the first time.
One lie leads to another. It gets easier. And easier. And all the while their respect for the person lied to diminishes with every single lie accepted, because that person isn't clever enough to figure it out.
That's not love. We cannot love what we do not respect, spin it any way you like. We can feel fondness, affection even -- but not genuine love.
It's not the kind of disrespect for whom the liar can grant forgiveness and agree to overlook, because it's an act perpetrated by them which has led to this lack of respect on their part.
If you're willing to lie to someone you supposedly love (or are in a position where a relationship could feasibly progress to the level of love), then you need to ask yourself WHY you're in that relationship -- because LOVE is NOT the answer, and from there things can only go downhill unless YOU make a real turnaround.
And if you're in a relationship with someone who is willing to lie to you... even if they grew up in a place where lying became habitual for survival reasons, let alone being characteristic of their personality -- then you need to question seriously what esteem they hold for you, because YOU are supposed to be DIFFERENT than everyone else, if they say they love you.
Whether they like it or not, YOU are not only supposed to be held to a different standard as the person who says you love them; they are accountalbe to a higher standard as the ones who profess their love for you, too.
I'm willing to lie to my enemies for an advantage, but thankfully I live in a world of remarkably few enemies who have that kind of influence.
People who don't matter -- WHY would I bother to lie? They don't matter to me, so I'm free to tell the truth.
People I love -- they deserve not one iota less than the truth, always, because if the truth is unpleasant they need to know for their own good.
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