Quote:
Originally Posted by Wordsmith12
I'm the original poster and wish to chime in after sifting through the posts submitted up to this point:
Some people stated I should have "been honest with my wife from the beginning" and told her what I truly desire as far as having children.
As I said before, I told her from the beginning I wanted only one. It wasn't until recently that I started to question whether I still want to have kids.
Just because I'm debating this doesn't mean I have already opted not to have any. I may very well decide to have a kid, or, I may not.
I've talked to my wife about this and she understands the concerns I've raised. Keep in mind that when we first got together and talked about having kids, she didn't have the same weight/health issues she does today.
Back then, we were just kids in college with part time jobs. Life was a lot less stressful.
We're also in the process of purchasing a condo, which itself has been a very stressful experience, partly because she didn't (and still doesn't) have her finances in order. The reason why we are even in a position to buy it is because I started saving up around the time we got together. And while she racked up credit card debt that ultimately lowered her credit score, I always managed to pay everything on time. So only I qualify for a mortgage based on our credit scores/histories.
What I've told her is that before we even contemplate having a child, she needs to:
-Save up and get her credit score up
- Lose weight and be cleared by her doctor
How many people say they want to grow up to be doctors and wind up in completely different fields?
I think life circumstances sometimes prompt us to change our minds. She has a very demanding job (teaching) that leaves her drained when she gets home. She's also very low maintenance (as I am) who loves to plop down in front of the TV.
I guess I fear having to deal with the baby by myself every day after work.
I realize that are probably few people who analyze this as much as I do, but I do so because this decision has life-altering implications.
A lot of people have kids because that's what "every married couple is supposed to do." But we still have so much we want to do--we've hardly traveled, I want to do so much more reading and writing, etc.
I have never been a big baby lover, and I don't even have much experience when it comes to babies and little kids (I am the youngest of 3).
I feel it's prudent to be taking this so seriously. I am only trying to do what's best for us.
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I'm sorry, I have to point this out...you are blaming her totally. For you to have a baby with her she has to do x, y, z. Not you? I truly think you are grasping at what ever excuse you can not to be a father. And now you are making it *her* fault. Its a fancy mind ****, not cool.
You may have points that those things need to be worked on, but you are totally making her at fault for your decision. I feel really bad for her that she bought that song and dance.