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Old 09-03-2015, 04:43 PM
 
Location: Canada
6,141 posts, read 3,370,018 times
Reputation: 5790

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I can only speak for myself as an adopted ( chosen child as I was taught back in the '50's) I often as a bratty kid would throw it in my parent's face during my very selfish and rebellious stage..They held firm..voiced love and caring and allowed my stupid hurtful outbursts... Fast forward through my teen years and all the love and support I got..then fast forward to adult years..After my father passed..My mother offered me birth history ( original Birth Certificate etc) and gave her blessing IF I felt I needed to seek my roots!!

I never did follow up..Because I did not want to open a pandora's box of knowledge of a family that could have shattered my world ( prior to having my own kids)..so let it go!! I concluded it doesn't really matter..as parent's who love, nurture, support and lead you to become successful should be considered PARENTS!!

Let's face it..Any two can make a baby..THAT does NOT necessarily make them parents..between out of marriage conceptions ..to rape..to all sorts of things does not make those children loved..nutured..supported etc..! I count my self blessed!!

In the meantime..I am NOW Old mid-late '60's)..and physically recognize many things..I'm pretty sure..I was conceived by extended family as Most if not all of my physical ( facial and body) appearance mirror's what I recall from my exposures to them all ...Life has an uncanny way of answering questions, eh?
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Old 12-20-2015, 09:37 PM
 
1 posts, read 2,682 times
Reputation: 15
As an adoptive parent, heartache is synonymous with adoption. My sister gave birth to a son when she was 16 years old. Our dad had passed and our mom was not healthy enough to help raise him. My husband and I adopted the boy and raised him as our own from three days old. I gave birth to our daughter three months later, so the two were raised as twins. My sister married the father of the baby and they had four more children, three boys and one girl, who were raised as cousins to my two children. A strong loving bond was formed with our two children, and at a young age we told them both about the adoption, who the birth parents were, sharing the same relatives on my side of the family, etc. My husband and I interacted closely with family, including my sister and her husband, and their children, never neglecting to include them in family get togethers. Then, after 26 years of marriage, my husband began a new family and left me/us to deal with financial struggles and an embarrassing divorce. We struggled financially, but my two children completed college and began their careers with no help from their dad or anyone in the family, including my sister or her husband. Once my son was becoming successful, my sister began seducing him with lies about the adoption and smearing my character. Next thing I know, my daughter and I are being excluded from family get togethers. My son is joining my sister's family for holidays, birthdays, and vacations. Since he has married and they have children, my daughter and I are being treated like distant relatives. I do not receive invitations to their home, and they never visit. In ten years, I have not received a Mother's Day Card/Call - nothing! I have sent boxes of presents for the children, written letters, Emails, Text'd - most of which have been ignored. There is never any gratitude or respect shown to me as his Mother. My son's personality has changed from a sweet, tender, loving child/adult to someone I do not know. I have revealed my heart by pursuing a loving relationship with my son, his wife and children. I'm worn out and tired at 70 years old. Thank God, my daughter has remained faithful. Shame on my sister and my son and his wife for calling themselves Christian, because their behavior is cruel, not loving like Jesus. Afterall, Christians should know that we are adopted into the family of God. It is a loving Spirit Bond. I do forgive because Jesus forgave me, but folks this kind of betrayal is painful on every level. David said it well. He said he could have endured the betrayal better had it been an enemy vs. someone he had taken sweet counsel with in the House of the Lord, speaking of Saul betraying him - betraying his love for him!
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Old 03-06-2017, 09:49 PM
 
1 posts, read 2,202 times
Reputation: 11
I have a niece that was adopted at the age of 6 she just recently turned 18 was warned adopted parents anything to do with her biological parents and if she did if she would no longer be welcome into this of course she ran across her mother on Facebook everything that she's been dreaming so she left her only to return to a mother that pretty much has never changed she is now saying from house to house very unstable home her adopted parents will not take her back being that she's of age it's legal she does have an opportunity to go to college for free she's in the process of looking for a job but she has love to take your n I myself am not in position to do so is there any health 18 year old girl is new everything and has no help her biological mother pretty much pain today pretty pictures and she took the chance to be with her biological mother she only being abandoned again
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Old 04-09-2017, 03:58 PM
 
1 posts, read 2,108 times
Reputation: 10
Daughter who we will call G' was adopted at the age of 4 then at the age of 15 returned back to me , (biological mother).... what are my rights with adoption agency ... adopted mother never objected with her living with me.
Shoul I had contacted Adoption Agency?
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Old 04-09-2017, 04:31 PM
 
1,065 posts, read 597,011 times
Reputation: 1461
Daughter G can petition the court to be an emancipated minor - the age varies between ages 14 and 16, in the different states.

Here is the criteria (cut n pasted from online so may or may not be credible):
You do not want to live with your parents. Your parents do not mind if you move out.
You can handle your own money.
You have a legal way to make money.
Emancipation would be good for you.

Compare the cost for petitioning the court verses an agency that profits from adoptions. Also, she may want to use her real birth certificate instead of the fake one, so this might need to be addressed. (Bonus, if she pursues higher education, it may help with financial aid since she'd be an emancipated minor.)
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Old 04-13-2017, 06:35 PM
 
1 posts, read 2,053 times
Reputation: 10
Default Adoptive children leaving family

Quote:
Originally Posted by whocares811 View Post
As an adoptive parent of two kids -- we adopted them when they were six and four years old -- I can tell you that from everything I have learned and experienced, there are no absolute rules or outcomes when it comes to adoption -- and especially so when it comes to adopting older kids. My kids (half-siblings) came from a SEVERELY dysfunctional background; their parents were both drug users and felons. We permitted the bio mom to write to the kids -- their fathers were not part of the picture -- and we wrote letters to her in return -- I would write to her FOR the kids until they were old enough to write letters to her themselves -- but that was all the contact we allowed.

Both my kids left our home at the age of 18, each saying they hated us and never wanted to see us again. My son wanted nothing to do with either us OR his bio family, and he tragically died a year later. My daughter, however, (the older of the two) went immediately back to her bio mom, with whom she had greatly attached as a little girl despite being severely neglected by her. This reunion lasted all of about three months and then she basically "couch surfed" for the next three years. What was interesting, though, is that every month, like clockwork, she would call us with the most lame excuse -- for example, to ask for a recipe, even though she was essentially homeless -- and she also kept in frequent contact with her bio mom, as well, despite the bio mom repeatedly stealing from her. Then, after she had the first of three kids when she was 20, she re-entered our lives and would stay a few nights at our home every few months.

Current status? Our daughter is now almost 24 and is married to a VERY nice man, she calls and/or e-mails us several times a week, and she says she now has only very limited contact with her bio mom. In fact, when she got married -- just a civil ceremony -- she invited only myself and my husband (her dad) to be there. (Of course, we were.) It took her about five years to find out that her bio mother was not the "victimized by the system" saint she had made herself out to be, but at least my daughter finally did realize that eventually.

P.S. If anyone had suggested five years ago that we would ever be reconciled to the point we are now, I would have laughed and laughed at what a ridiculous and hopeless suggestion that was. Point being -- never say never!
I am very sorry about your son and happy you reunited with your daughter. My son just left us to live with his bio mom. It has been less than two months and he has made contact a few times for various requests. When I contacted him to find out how he was, his reply was "go f.. yourselves, I don't want to ever hear from you, you are heartless people". You gave me hope that in time we will reconnect and rekindle the wonderful relationship I thought we had.
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Old 04-14-2017, 10:28 AM
 
Location: Chapel Hill, N.C.
36,499 posts, read 54,051,718 times
Reputation: 47919
Quote:
Originally Posted by Amyprieto View Post
I have a niece that was adopted at the age of 6 she just recently turned 18 was warned adopted parents anything to do with her biological parents and if she did if she would no longer be welcome into this of course she ran across her mother on Facebook everything that she's been dreaming so she left her only to return to a mother that pretty much has never changed she is now saying from house to house very unstable home her adopted parents will not take her back being that she's of age it's legal she does have an opportunity to go to college for free she's in the process of looking for a job but she has love to take your n I myself am not in position to do so is there any health 18 year old girl is new everything and has no help her biological mother pretty much pain today pretty pictures and she took the chance to be with her biological mother she only being abandoned again
Do you really expect anybody to understand this rambling mess with no punctuation? I haven't a clue if you are asking for advice or just venting.
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Old 04-17-2017, 09:41 AM
 
1,397 posts, read 1,144,961 times
Reputation: 6299
Adoption is such an interesting thing to me because people think they can logically go about taking a child born to other people and instantly claim that child is theirs as if that child is no different than a biological child. They forget that the biological connection to birth family is very real and will stay with that child forever.

I grew up with K. She was adopted after her parents had two older biological children. K's family was very athletic and physical but not very academic or deep-thinking. K tried her whole life to be like her family but she was obviously different from the get-go. She tried to forget she was adopted and be as much like her family as she could. She tried sports and worked hard but never was as good as her family. K got a college degree (the first and only in her big family) and went on to marry and have her own family. But knowing K it was so obvious her birth parents had to be smart and contemplative types as K was that way, so unlike her adopted family. When K's adopted parents passed away to my shock she searched and found her birth family. Turns out her parents were both PhD professors and she had half-sibings who were all educated and successful. K reconnected with all of them and now seems to be closer to her birth family than her adopted family as frankly she has much more in common with them. So while K did not "go back to" her bio family at 18, she did reconnect with them later and in many ways has replaced her adopted family with her bio one.
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Old 04-19-2017, 11:19 PM
 
3,247 posts, read 2,333,796 times
Reputation: 7191
Quote:
Originally Posted by Amyprieto View Post
I have a niece that was adopted at the age of 6 she just recently turned 18 was warned adopted parents anything to do with her biological parents and if she did if she would no longer be welcome into this of course she ran across her mother on Facebook everything that she's been dreaming so she left her only to return to a mother that pretty much has never changed she is now saying from house to house very unstable home her adopted parents will not take her back being that she's of age it's legal she does have an opportunity to go to college for free she's in the process of looking for a job but she has love to take your n I myself am not in position to do so is there any health 18 year old girl is new everything and has no help her biological mother pretty much pain today pretty pictures and she took the chance to be with her biological mother she only being abandoned again
HUH? I have no idea what you're saying. Please use sentences and punctuation if you want to be understood. Thanks.
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Old 04-21-2017, 12:52 PM
 
Location: Elsewhere
88,515 posts, read 84,688,123 times
Reputation: 114967
Quote:
Originally Posted by BrassTacksGal View Post
HUH? I have no idea what you're saying. Please use sentences and punctuation if you want to be understood. Thanks.
Lmao, reads like she snorted a couple lines of coke and then just started typing.
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