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Old 09-28-2019, 07:34 AM
 
3,141 posts, read 1,595,514 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fly_widget View Post
I can only speak from my personal experience but as an adoptive mom, I love my son 100%, completely unconditionally. I can't imagine that it would be possible to love anyone more. In fact, I have told friends and family that I often have this odd feeling...I know I did not carry him for 9 months or give birth to him...but I sometimes forget that I didn't. Sorry, its hard to express. Essentially, how he came into our lives is inconsequential. He is 100% our son and adored beyond measure.

Now, looking at my own childhood and current relationship with my parents (biological)...I can tell you that being raised by your biological parents definitely does not guarantee you a happy loving childhood or "magical" bond.
Your post reminds me of Steve Jobs story -- he credits his adoptive parents for much of his success and had no desire to meet his birth father who tracked him down. Retrospectively, it is thought that his birth parents would have not have provided an such an enriching environment for Jobs.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/b...ife-steve-jobs
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Old 10-01-2019, 11:10 AM
 
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This is an older thread, but as a mother of both a biological child and an adopted child, I can say that the this is wrong. I love both of my kids with all my heart, and the distinction between how they were born is an artificial one.
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Old 10-01-2019, 12:10 PM
 
Location: Texas
13,480 posts, read 8,373,059 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Maddie104 View Post
Your post reminds me of Steve Jobs story -- he credits his adoptive parents for much of his success and had no desire to meet his birth father who tracked him down.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/b...ife-steve-jobs
Although that's his choice, I don't think it's wrong for adopted children who want to track down their biological parents. It's okay for them to want to find out who their bio parents are.
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Old 10-02-2019, 09:26 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla View Post
Although that's his choice, I don't think it's wrong for adopted children who want to track down their biological parents. It's okay for them to want to find out who their bio parents are.
For once, we are in complete agreement.
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Old 09-30-2020, 05:06 PM
bu2
 
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Originally Posted by CraigCreek View Post
How much do you know about the "regular Russian foster care system"? BTW, Russia cut off American adoptions quite a number of years ago, in response to the Magnitsky sanctions. Americans who were in-country and who had met the children they planned to adopt but who had not gone through official court adoption procedures were cut off, the kids stranded. Russian government sanctioned cruelty...

If, as you implied, the children you met have some sort of mental issues, their fate in Russia would have been extremely harsh, more than likely.

In Russia and the countries which were part of the former USSR, children with special needs, be they physical or mental, are viewed as defective, an indication that the bio parents were sinners who were punished by having "defective" children, and in many case, kids with special needs which prevent them from speaking are viewed as having no sense of pain and no awareness at all. "Defectives" are viewed as being of no use to the State, so therefore they are useless.

Treatment is often based on these cruel and totally wrong notions, and special needs institutions and orphanages are often in isolated places and are poorly funded and staffed. Many, many children die of neglect, malnourishment, preventable diseases, abuse, and from lack of love in these places. Government policies are officially opposed to such treatment and neglect, yet enforcement is often scant.

Here are the names of two such places to research: Torez, in now-occupied Eastern Ukraine, and Pleven, in Bulgaria. The children and adults who were warehoused at Torez ( which prior to that had been improving due to a new director and a lot of assistance from charities, mostly western European and American) were hastily moved out when Russia troops occupied the area, and they were scattered among other orphanages and institutions where they are generally lost in the system.

The corrupt director of Pleven, whose sixth floor was like the lowest - or do I mean highest? - level of hell - was sacked upon media exposure of the horrors she caused, but is still around in an unofficial but influential capacity. I know a family who adopted a child with Down syndrome from Pleven - she was eight years old and weighed eleven pounds. DS was her only disability. She and the other children in her ward had been systematically starved and deprived of human contact and any exposure to the world outside their barred cribs.

Corruption is rife in such countries still, and although not all orphanages and institutions are this terrible and some changes have occurred, there is still much that needs to happen to change things.

I have fundamentalist relatives who adopted two siblings from Eastern Europe when the children were almost seven and nine. They are now in college. Before being adopted, they had been in a showcase orphanage for younger children, but had been separated most of the year prior to their adoption, as the older child aged out and was sent to an orphanage for the "feeble minded" over 100 miles away. Nothing wrong with that child's intellect - as their current college career reflects.

Had they not been adopted, it's likely these siblings would never have seen one another again, as the elder child would have been warehoused in a mental institution for life, while the younger would have aged out and been thrown upon their own resources at 16 or 17.

My relatives were unable to have bio children, but had always planned to adopt, regardless of whether or not they had bio. kids. Their children, now young adults have done very well and are greatly loved by both their adoptive parents and extended family. I am closer to them than I am to some of my bio. relatives.

Sure, there were a few bumps along the way, and I didn't always agree with some of my relatives' religious interpretations and child-rearing practices that were influenced by those beliefs - but nothing significant and no more bumps than would be likely to occur with bio. offspring. More joys than bumps, again, as is generally true of bio. families.

I do know that these siblings are far, far better off now than would have been the case had they remained in their country of origin. To their credit, their adoptive parents have always encouraged interest and pride in that country, as well as loyalty to the United States.
We asked the caregivers at the Baby House if they got upset when the babies left for their adopted families. They said no. They got upset when they turned 4 and moved from the Baby House to the orphanage. Then they would never find a family. They told us only half the adoptable kids got adopted even before international adoption was shut down by Russian politics.

And I can tell you our two adopted children are the favorites out of 10 grandkids. I'm not sure there isn't often a closer bond between adopted kids and their parents. Its a huge comittment and a long ordeal.
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Old 10-04-2020, 12:09 PM
 
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As a mom of an adoptee, I can honestly say that I felt no more love for my bio children than my adopted child. I loved them as babies and now as adults. And I love my grandchildren, too! Hope they keep them coming.


The grandparents certainly didn't appear to favor any of them over the others. My parents had nine of them, loved 'em all.
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Old 10-05-2020, 01:57 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bu2 View Post
We asked the caregivers at the Baby House if they got upset when the babies left for their adopted families. They said no. They got upset when they turned 4 and moved from the Baby House to the orphanage. Then they would never find a family. They told us only half the adoptable kids got adopted even before international adoption was shut down by Russian politics.
The caretakers in the 4 baby homes we visited in those years, were always very happy to see children get adopted. On the flip side, we were very happy that the only referral we ever was presented with that had a good medical history was adopted by a Russian family during a shutdown.
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Old 10-30-2020, 01:21 PM
 
378 posts, read 704,637 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mgkeith View Post
As a mom of an adoptee, I can honestly say that I felt no more love for my bio children than my adopted child. I loved them as babies and now as adults. And I love my grandchildren, too! Hope they keep them coming.


The grandparents certainly didn't appear to favor any of them over the others. My parents had nine of them, loved 'em all.
I only have my adopted son and no biological children, but I cannot imagine feeling any more love than I do for this kid as I would had he been born from me. Same with his grandparents.
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Old 11-02-2020, 06:09 PM
 
Location: Charleston, SC
455 posts, read 669,506 times
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I honestly forget most of the time that we adopted our daughter. And now that I am a new grandma, I feel as close to the baby as I do to my daughter. There is absolutely no difference in my love for my daughter and the son we eventually had the usual way.
I am adopted too and I know my parents felt the same way.
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Old 11-02-2020, 06:15 PM
 
Location: NNJ
15,071 posts, read 10,091,872 times
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My cousin was a nanny to a wealthy couple's children for much of their childhood. The wealthy couple spent much of their childhood away from home... business.. traveling etc..

When they were scared (thunderstorms in a big mansion for example) they didn't sneak into their parent's room. They snuck into my cousins room (old servant's quarters) and crawled into bed with her.

There was clearly a love that developed between them that still exists today.


So yes.. I think some parents might not have that notion of unconditional love but I don't think it has anything to do with bloodline. While I don't have an adoptive child, it isn't hard for me to imagine having the same love for an adoptive child as I do my own. I don't think any loving adoptive parent would disagree.
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