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Old 04-21-2019, 10:43 AM
 
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Maybe just based on my experience and an adoptee but after my personal journey in life after 62 years I have come to the conclusion that an adoptive mother (and I assume father) will never have that emotion of unconditional love for that baby as compared to her own biological child. I suspect this is true for a vast majority but there are exeptions.

With that at hand, I also believe the adopted child will always feel / carry that throughout life. Heck, maybe part of the reason is we (adoptees) weren't breast fed too! (<:
Opinions?
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Old 04-22-2019, 01:15 PM
 
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Hm. I don't necessarily agree, but I should disclose that I have never been an adoptive parent, or adopted.

I think of the pets that I adopted throughout my life, and I did love them all unconditionally. Not the same thing, I know.

But also, not all mothers love their biological children unconditionally. Including those who breastfeed.

My brother and sister in law were unable to have kids, and they adopted. I'm pretty sure my sister in law feels unconditional love for her son. I imagine her love for him is amplified *because* she wasn't able to have kids on her own, and if it weren't for him, she wouldn't have experienced parenthood.

I really think it comes down to individual experience.

OP, I am sorry you have felt that way, and had to carry that burden your whole life. Everyone deserves to be loved unconditionally.
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Old 04-22-2019, 01:30 PM
Status: "I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out." (set 2 days ago)
 
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My first inclination was to say "no" but on reflection, I'd say you're right, OP.

Most of the adoptive families I know have both biological and adopted children, and that's where you can see the differences play out.

Specifically, when the child is struggling in some way, or has hit a rough patch.

The parents of adopted children swing into action, taking all the right steps, putting in a lot of effort, but there is NOT the punch to the gut that happens when it's their biological offspring messing up or struggling.

One of my friends actually said to me, after her adopted son became estranged, "well, we've done what we could. I don't see how we could have done more. I do think we gave him a better life than he would have had otherwise". There is no way in the world she'd say that about her two bio kids. If they became estranged you'd have to shoot her now.
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Old 04-22-2019, 01:42 PM
 
Location: Albany, NY
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I love my adopted daughter as much as I would a bio child. In fact if I was given a choice to switch out my daughter for a bio child I would keep her. I wouldn't give her up for anything. She's my life. She's all grown up now and beginning her adult life and I am very proud of her.
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Old 04-22-2019, 02:03 PM
 
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The emotional bond between parent and child is more on the personality of the parent and their capacity to love then, be a natural birth or adoption.
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Old 04-22-2019, 02:10 PM
 
Location: Texas
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Omg, op, that is so not true at all.
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Old 04-22-2019, 05:33 PM
 
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OP here: Sorry but I have spoken to a number of adoptees and there is an underlying feeling among us that it is the case. In my case, my parents had 2 children that died at ages 4 and 5.
I was adopted along with a sister and brother (different families) afterward. It is my opinion that mother that had / have biological children do deep inside feel different - i.e. unconditional love for a biological child. Exception would be if adoptive mother never gave birth to her own.
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Old 04-22-2019, 05:39 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
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Quote:
Originally Posted by anjcohen View Post
Maybe just based on my experience and an adoptee but after my personal journey in life after 62 years I have come to the conclusion that an adoptive mother (and I assume father) will never have that emotion of unconditional love for that baby as compared to her own biological child. I suspect this is true for a vast majority but there are exeptions.

With that at hand, I also believe the adopted child will always feel / carry that throughout life. Heck, maybe part of the reason is we (adoptees) weren't breast fed too! (<:
Opinions?
Why? Why wouldn't an adoptive parent have unconditional love for an adopted child?

And why do you assume, that all parents are able to provide unconditional love to their biological children? THat's quite a leap of faith you've made. That's not the way real life works, in many cases.
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Old 04-22-2019, 05:45 PM
 
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we agree with the OP, anjcohen.

our experience boils down to this: the adopted child is the parents' choice. the bio child is what the parents get.
that "choice" is (in our opinion) what drives the emotional bonding. for example: we "did the the best we could"
vs. we "brought -child- into this world, and for bad or good, our responsibility never ends".
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Old 04-22-2019, 05:51 PM
 
254 posts, read 340,760 times
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https://www.theguardian.com/lifeands...onships.family
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