Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting > Adoption
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
Old 05-07-2021, 10:58 AM
Location: NJ
23,861 posts, read 33,533,504 times
Reputation: 30763


Originally Posted by jessxwrites89 View Post
I did 23&Me, but I want to do Ancestry. I think I'll order a kit because I think that may be more helpful than 23&Me.

Ancestry is about 4 times larger then 23 and me so if you're interested in cousin matches, Ancestry is the place to test. I highly recommend it. You can also upload your 23 and me DNA to my heritage for free. My Heritage is world wide so you'll have matches in other countries. I love seeing my matches in Hungary and all of the European countries.

23 and me really is not a genealogy site, people that want health results test there so it's not useful to hook up with family unless you're adopted. Adopted people have a better chance of finding birth family at Ancestry.

Let me know if you do get a kit, I'll link you to my tips thread.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

Old 05-07-2021, 01:27 PM
Location: Candy Kingdom
5,155 posts, read 4,619,535 times
Reputation: 6629
Originally Posted by KaraG View Post
I get it. My children and I, as well as several of my grandchildren, also don't do well with breads and dairy so we avoid them. There are also other health issues. I don't care genetically where that came from. Maybe my birth dad's side of the family or possibly my mom's birth dad's side, but I'll never know and it doesn't really matter. It wouldn't help us deal with it any better.

My cousin also has been plagued with mysterious severe health issues. Get this. We were told as children that my Grandma was fostering her, then she moved to my great aunt's family where they fostered her, then my other uncle and his wife adopted her. Lo and behold, when Grandma passed the truth came out, she was actually our REAL cousin, secret child of my other deceased aunt and a married man whose family threatened them if the truth came out. That was shocking for all of us to find out.

My point is that many of us have crazy family pasts and health issues. It doesn't help at all to continue to look backwards at what other people did and as an adult and let that hold you back. I also would feel uncomfortable if I chose to live in my parents' home as an adult. Of course it feels like he is controlling you.

I just want to encourage you to get as healthy as you can, maybe do your own scrapbook with goals. And earn and save as much as you can so you have the financial capability to make your next move when you're ready.
My dad isn't the problem, it's my mom. My mom is a controlling narcissist. I commuted to college because I wanted to save money to move out after college ended. I wanted to move either to another state or another country. I graduated with an English degree and wanted to go elsewhere, there aren't opportunities for me where I live. She just laughed and said, "good daughters don't move away. That's selfish." When I told her I was, she said something really horrible to me and wanted me to become a crime victim again. Now I work two low paying jobs and I'm in a lot of debt. I'm slowly getting out of it.

My grandma was awesome. She felt more like my mom and was very welcoming of me. I basically lived with her and stayed with her a lot until she died. In the days leading up to her death, I was with her and prayed that I wasn't the one who would find her dead. I still get depressed about her death.

She accepted me for who I was and before she died, I was a practicing Muslim for a little while. She made sure everything was kept halal and when I had Jewish friends over she made sure it was kept Kosher too. I know my religious journey now wouldn't bother her. It doesn't bother my dad, but it bothers my mom. I think his reaction back then was from being tired to hearing narcissistic gunk.

You're right. I guess I don't care about mom-mom because I can see things in my aunts and mom. With dad, it's hard to tell. However, knowing won't change anything. I still wasn't raised Jewish and my health issues won't magically go away.

Instead, I was raised Catholic but I was free to choose which religion I wanted to follow and when I left at 11, it wasn't a big deal. Maybe that's a blessing instead of a curse.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting > Adoption

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top