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For about two years now my husband and I have been discussing the possibility of a move back to my hometown in upstate NY. We live in NJ in an affluent commuting town to NYC. His work hours are insane- out of the house by 4:45a and returning home at 6:30p. But the pay is incredible and has provided us with a beautiful life- a nice home, cars, vacations, etc.
We have amazing friends and have found a great, family friendly community. When we moved here, we saw ourselves in our "forever town" and imagined our children graduating from the local high school. Sure, we'd make a move after they had flown the nest (the taxes are insane), but for the most part, we were planting roots.
But the financial gains of a high paying career in the city are coming at the cost of family time and quality of life. My husband is rarely home for dinner, our young children miss him when he is gone so much so that when he is home, they are constantly clamoring for his attention. The NJ/NYC commute is killer (as a SAHM an hour and a half in a car, alone, sounds lovely, but on a daily basis, I would agree that it is tough).
My husband isn't unhappy in his job, necessarily, but it is a high stress industry and he often complains of poor sleep bc he can't stop thinking about something he's working on. He typically needs to go to work events three times a week and turnaround first thing in the morning to head back to the desk. It's both emotionally and physically grueling (but also very difficult to walk away from).
We've discussed moves anywhere from as far north as Canada to as far south as North Carolina with the only area we can both agree on being Upstate NY. This is closer to both our families (and appeals to me bc I'd be able to help with a sick relative and be closer to my parents).
My biggest concern is that we will regret it. I am worried my children (as well as me and my husband) will miss NJ friends, the pace might be too "quiet" for us (always fun to go back for a weekend, but would we enjoy it for the longterm), will my husband be able to find work that will still allow us to maintain a similar quality of life as we do now? Will he find it fulfilling? And, ultimately, are we kidding ourselves that a low-stress, traditional 9-5 job can pay the bills.
So my questions...
1. Does the 9-5 job exist in upstate NY or are we silly to believe that daily family dinners are a possibility when you have a mortgage to pay.
2. Has anyone made a similar move and regretted/loved it? If so, why?
3. Has anyone walked away from an intense, high paying career to live what they thought would be a "better" life only to realize they just needed a long vacation and not a life change (I'm concerned my husband will have regrets).
4. Are we silly to think that a relocation will eliminate the stress we feel now? Or is the stress associated to young children, a demanding career, etc. (I truly wonder if, when the kids are a bit older, life will be easier and the career stress won't weigh as heavy).
It would be in the Albany area- in the suburbs. My husband has worked in finance for over a decade and while I would like to see him dovetail that experience into something similar to his work now, the job he currently has doesn't exist outside of NYC. He'd have to broaden the search to include other finance related opportunities and both of us are open to the idea of returning to school to pursue a "second career" of sorts.
For about two years now my husband and I have been discussing the possibility of a move back to my hometown in upstate NY. We live in NJ in an affluent commuting town to NYC. His work hours are insane- out of the house by 4:45a and returning home at 6:30p. But the pay is incredible and has provided us with a beautiful life- a nice home, cars, vacations, etc.
We have amazing friends and have found a great, family friendly community. When we moved here, we saw ourselves in our "forever town" and imagined our children graduating from the local high school. Sure, we'd make a move after they had flown the nest (the taxes are insane), but for the most part, we were planting roots.
But the financial gains of a high paying career in the city are coming at the cost of family time and quality of life. My husband is rarely home for dinner, our young children miss him when he is gone so much so that when he is home, they are constantly clamoring for his attention. The NJ/NYC commute is killer (as a SAHM an hour and a half in a car, alone, sounds lovely, but on a daily basis, I would agree that it is tough).
My husband isn't unhappy in his job, necessarily, but it is a high stress industry and he often complains of poor sleep bc he can't stop thinking about something he's working on. He typically needs to go to work events three times a week and turnaround first thing in the morning to head back to the desk. It's both emotionally and physically grueling (but also very difficult to walk away from).
We've discussed moves anywhere from as far north as Canada to as far south as North Carolina with the only area we can both agree on being Upstate NY. This is closer to both our families (and appeals to me bc I'd be able to help with a sick relative and be closer to my parents).
My biggest concern is that we will regret it. I am worried my children (as well as me and my husband) will miss NJ friends, the pace might be too "quiet" for us (always fun to go back for a weekend, but would we enjoy it for the longterm), will my husband be able to find work that will still allow us to maintain a similar quality of life as we do now? Will he find it fulfilling? And, ultimately, are we kidding ourselves that a low-stress, traditional 9-5 job can pay the bills.
So my questions...
1. Does the 9-5 job exist in upstate NY or are we silly to believe that daily family dinners are a possibility when you have a mortgage to pay.
2. Has anyone made a similar move and regretted/loved it? If so, why?
3. Has anyone walked away from an intense, high paying career to live what they thought would be a "better" life only to realize they just needed a long vacation and not a life change (I'm concerned my husband will have regrets).
4. Are we silly to think that a relocation will eliminate the stress we feel now? Or is the stress associated to young children, a demanding career, etc. (I truly wonder if, when the kids are a bit older, life will be easier and the career stress won't weigh as heavy).
Feedback and experience appreciated.
I had to respond to this. I don't know the work situation up that way, but my whole family loves it up there. I would live there in a heartbeat if things worked out for us (read on).
The one huge fact I will point out is you absolutely can work in NYC and live up there. We were focused on New Paltz and the surrounding areas (though I felt they had the best schools)...you have a choice of bus (park and ride in New Paltz) or train (Metro North in Poughkeepsie - this would require crossing the Hudson every day). The train is cheaper and less convenient, but the bus, at 90 minutes to Port Authority was a real eye opener. I was already spending 60+ minutes a day on the (very unreliable) LIRR and I know many of my co-workers bus from upstate with nary a delay year round...my problem was finding a stable job - as a construction manager in NYC, it was too unpredictable where I would need to report on a day to day basis. I had a job lined up by the Javitts Center that would have been perfect, but it fell through at the 11th hour and forced us to reset our plans. As someone who spent a few years as a youngster upstate before returning to NYC, I can honestly say I don't think you need a long vacation. You need a change of scenery....I would look at this with the mindset that work in NYC is do-able...and Albany is equidistant to the north....there's gotta be something to do up there....
Although I live and was born in Washington state, the other half of my family live between Poughkeepsie and Albany. It is a lovely historic area along the Hudson. My aunt used to work in NYC so took drove a car 45 minutes, commuted by train to the station, took a subway then walked several blocks. She did that for at least five years. I did it once with her and I am much younger. It was grueling. She left at 4:30 am and returned home by 7:30 pm. The money was great but she retired early.
Although I live and was born in Washington state, the other half of my family live between Poughkeepsie and Albany. It is a lovely historic area along the Hudson. My aunt used to work in NYC so took drove a car 45 minutes, commuted by train to the station, took a subway then walked several blocks. She did that for at least five years. I did it once with her and I am much younger. It was grueling. She left at 4:30 am and returned home by 7:30 pm. The money was great but she retired early.
I don't doubt that it's grueling...that said, compared to living on Long Island....only 30 miles away from work but a horribly inept railroad, rife with delays, never getting a seat...the quality of life, additional land, lower taxes and more laid back atmosphere, to me, it was a no-brainer and not much of an additional inconvenience, if any....just a higher cost...the monthly bus ticket was almost double what my fare from LI was. But the reduction in property tax and other expenses offsets that as well...
Big Kahuna-
Interested, we've never really considered trying to make it work from Upstate. But now that you mention it, the commute can't be much worse (NJTransit is also a disaster!). I should look into that- the ideal scenario would be to keep my husband's paycheck, lessen the burden of the commute (maybe he could train to Penn vs. having to drive every morning bc service is so unreliable here).
Xplorer48- totally agree, the commute is painful. But his commute now is atrocious and we only live some 40 miles outside of the city. The roads and public transportation are a disaster here so it means he almost always has to drive. But I wonder if a more reliable form of public transportation would save him some time in the commute- at least he could do his news checking and research on his way into the city vs. trying to do it before he gets on the road. But your point is a good one- may not solve all of our issues.
Looking into this now...THANK YOU for the advice and insight!
We made the move from LI/NYC to the Albany area 15 years ago. It was definitely a good move for us, but everyone's situation is different. First and foremost I transferred within the same company so I already had a good paying job. Additionally although our company has a NYC differential my new department agreed to match my downstate salary and placed no holds on raises.
Secondly, we at the time both had family in the area, though my wife's parents have since opted to give up snowbirding and have moved to FL full-time.
Now for the all important affect on lifestyle. When living on LI (I'm originally from NYC) I lived just under 50 miles from Midtown but my commute was close to 2 1/2 hours each way most of which was the result of the LIRR and its aversion to being on time. I caught the 5:07am train each morning and my return train pulled in around 6:30pm each night. With 3 young kids it's not how I wanted to live. The thing that pushed me to do something about it was 9/11. I figured there had to be a better way. Fortunately there was a department within my company in Albany I dealt with frequently that said if I wanted a change of scenery they would take me immediately. Wife and I both knew the area very well and looked at several towns based mostly on school district performance. We chose the town of Kinderhook about 20 miles southeast of Albany. My commute each way by car became under 25 minutes each way. It's amazing what leaving for work in daylight and getting home before 5pm can do for somebody. I had so much more time I was able to coach my kids' basketball teams and get involved in several other activities and hobbies. It's not just the time saved from the shorter commute either. it's being alert and coherent the rest of the time since the shorter commute and in my case less pressure in the new job made for a better life.
Part of the decision to pick the town we're in is not only was it convenient for work and very pretty is that it's easy to go back downstate when we want. We can drive or if we don't want the hassle we can take Amtrak from Hudson. It's the third busiest Amtrak station in NY and there are people who actually commute daily. The trip if on time is just over 2 hours. It's not cheap but there is a monthly ticket available. For us it's just more of a convenience if we want to spend the day in Manhattan.
The move worked out great for us, in fact I just retired and we've decided to stay where we are.
Last edited by Q44; 01-03-2019 at 10:41 AM..
Reason: spelling
Big Kahuna-
Interested, we've never really considered trying to make it work from Upstate. But now that you mention it, the commute can't be much worse (NJTransit is also a disaster!). I should look into that- the ideal scenario would be to keep my husband's paycheck, lessen the burden of the commute (maybe he could train to Penn vs. having to drive every morning bc service is so unreliable here).
Xplorer48- totally agree, the commute is painful. But his commute now is atrocious and we only live some 40 miles outside of the city. The roads and public transportation are a disaster here so it means he almost always has to drive. But I wonder if a more reliable form of public transportation would save him some time in the commute- at least he could do his news checking and research on his way into the city vs. trying to do it before he gets on the road. But your point is a good one- may not solve all of our issues.
Looking into this now...THANK YOU for the advice and insight!
I think you'll find the commute by bus to be the way to go. The earliest train in doesn't get you in to Grand Central (not Penn) before 7AM, if I recall correctly. Plus it was a further drive for us (we were focusing on New Paltz and Gardner in the New Paltz school district). The bus leaves every half hour starting 4AM or 4:30...I was looking to be at PANY by 6AM with an easy to follow return bus schedule of every half hour in the evening....but there is a lot of area to explore...
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