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First, find an experiencedfemale massage therapist who is sensitive to your needs as someone with social anxiety.
Have a conversation over the phone with her first to see if you feel comfortable with her. You want to be able to relax and open on the massage table. If you don't feel safe with the massage therapist it will make it very difficult for you to relax.
Take some time to find the right person. Trusting your massage therapist is very important.
You want a healer ... not just a mechanical "body worker" so do some research and find someone who is experienced and comfortable working with people with emotional / psychological "issues" and who will accommodate your needs.
And a good massage therapist knows how to skillfully work with the sheets and / or blankets covering you so as to keep your pubic area and breasts covered.
An hour is barely enough time for me (a 1/2 hour would be a ridiculously short massage) so i almost always opt for and hour and a half appointment.
And to the comment about "if they're doing it right it'll feel like they're pulling out all kinds of bruises at first. Ache and oof and ugh and errgh kind of sensations ..."
That's not an accurate statement as there are many different massage modalities / techniques and your experience will vary depending on your own body and the type of massage that you receive.
Very good advice, thank you! I like the idea of talking to them first so I can get an idea of if we 'fit'. When I'm looking around, is there any sort of training they should have in particular or something I should look for? (For example, when I look for a pet sitter I'm looking for someone bonded and insured and usually a member of Petsitters Inc....things like that)
Very good advice, thank you! I like the idea of talking to them first so I can get an idea of if we 'fit'. When I'm looking around, is there any sort of training they should have in particular or something I should look for? (For example, when I look for a pet sitter I'm looking for someone bonded and insured and usually a member of Petsitters Inc....things like that)
I think that experience is most important ... experience and someone who you resonate with.
For me, i need any practitioner to have at least 10 - 15 years of experience under their belt.
It's always good to have a recommendation from someone you trust.
Do you know anyone (like a friend or family member that has had body work done?)
Are you in a major city or near one or in a somewhat progressive area or are you out in the boonies somewhere?
And the best massage therapists are not necessarily part of the "system", ie; working at a gym, with a doctors office, with a physical therapist, etc..
I don't think that massage therapists tend to be insured although i believe the PT's are as well as chiropractors.
There are certainly schools for various types of body workers and though training is important, for me it's experience and the integrity of the practitioner that really matters.
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I think one of the reasons I'm so nervous is I had a bad experience in the past. I had 'therapeutic massage' done at a chiropractic office. It was probably the most painful experience of my life. He would find a knot and just lean on it with all of his weight and strength. I'm actually pretty stoic and I just wanted to scream (and then punch him.) He told me that a 'real' massage HAD to hurt or else it wasn't effective. I found out later that this isn't true, and that working out a bad knot can be somewhat painful but it shouldn't be excruciating.
no, it's not true <sigh>. however, the actual 'work' of deep tissue massage - getting stuck muscles to lengthen and knots to relax - takes place right at the edge of hurt/not hurt. ti's a fine line. I will use my elbow - it's a normal thing (you'll kill your thumb if you use that very much, and just can't hold the pressure long enough), but you've got to check if the pressure is ok - and the client has to be responsible enough to say 'that's too much'
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The place where I'm going is a spa connected to my hair salon. I've been talking to my hair dresser about it and she recommended one person in particular who is careful about pressure and checks in with the client frequently. Would it be okay to go there, or should I look for a place just for massages? Would there be a difference in skill or training?
if someone is working at a salon, that's fine. As long as the therapist has been properly trained, the setting doesn't really matter. What you want is that they have graduated from an accredited program and should be a member of one of the professional associations. AMTA is the best known, although ABMP is fine (I intensely dislike AMTA and belonged to ABMP). Whether they are nationally certified by NCBMT or not is immaterial (just another "alphabet soup" organization forced on the industry by AMTA) but they will likely have passed it's test. It's the schooling that's important. But even so: a dr can go to Harvard Med School and still graduate at the bottom of the class and be a lousy dr. btw: it's this professional association that provides our malpractice insurance. You bet we have it! no, I've never needed it or heard of anyone who did, but if a state has a licensing law (most, but not all, do) then carrying malpractice insurance is part of it. So is constant continuing education.
There will always be good and bad in every profession, just don't let a bad one turn you off from all of them! And some aren't necessarily 'bad', they just aren't for you. My style of massage is very strong and deep - some may find it painful (and they should have told me to lighten up) and others feel I'm just barely strong enough. Everyone's style is as different as their personality.
As to JaiJai's concern about getting a female therapist... personally, I feel that does a disservice to all the perfectly competent male therapists. They are often extra sensitive about personal areas and are quite aware that people are nervous the first time. They are usually sensitive souls or they wouldn't have gone into a healing profession! Personally, I"ve had my best massages from men because they have better hand strength and aren't afraid to use pressure. Being a <cough> Big Gal, most women tend to just move skin around and that just doesn't do it for me. But again: everyone's styles are different, everyone's needs are different, and it's great that a profession like Massage Therapy has a wide variety to work with. If you have been talking with someone already and they seem like a good fit to you - awesome! the key is to see someone with whom you feel comfortable. If you can't relax with them, they can't do their work and you will ultimately be dissatisfied.
I have had both male and female massage therapists. They will ask you how deep you would like you your massage to feel. I like swedish and deep tissue. I want to acually feel the threapists hands working my muscles and knots in my back but not to the point where I feel like screaming. I have never had any issues with going to a massage place so I guess I cannot relate to somone who has this fear or anxiety over it. I am actually over due for one it's been 1 year.I have a local spa I tried last year for the first time that I was very happy with. You could also go to the place and meet with the meaasage therapist in person too to get a feel for them and if you will be comfortable. Let them know you have anxiety. They are very sensitive to everyone's individual needs.
Most of the basics have been covered - the most important ingredient in a massage therapist, for me, is if they consider themselves healers and if they are connected spiritually. I always ask about their spiritual connection, as that, for me, indicates that they are truly healers . . . I have had massages from people who are disconnected, spiritually, and they were not good experiences.
I look at a person's bio on-line . . .note their training . . . and then call them and talk to them and ask them about their spiritual practices and how they bring these into the massage experience.
The best massage therapists work intuitively - they can sense where you need attention and focus their healing in those areas . . . massage should never be uncomfortable or hurt . . .even working out muscle knots does not have to hurt if the therapist knows what they are doing. I have found that if they are willing to use their fingers instead of elbows, that is a huge plus (some will not use fingers much and simply use their forearms or elbows and I detest that - they do it to prevent repetitive injuries to themselves (carpal tunnel, et al) . . .but I find even a light touch with fingers allows the energy from the massage therapist to be transferred to the client in a way that elbows and forearms can never do.
I would not worry about the clothing/undressing issue at all. Massage therapists for the most part are very professional and will make you feel comfortable.
I have had both male and female massage therapists. They will ask you how deep you would like you your massage to feel. I like swedish and deep tissue. I want to acually feel the threapists hands working my muscles and knots in my back but not to the point where I feel like screaming. I have never had any issues with going to a massage place so I guess I cannot relate to somone who has this fear or anxiety over it. I am actually over due for one it's been 1 year.I have a local spa I tried last year for the first time that I was very happy with. You could also go to the place and meet with the meaasage therapist in person too to get a feel for them and if you will be comfortable. Let them know you have anxiety. They are very sensitive to everyone's individual needs.
For me the anxiety isn't so much over the massage itself (other than wanting to avoid being hurt again like the last time), or even being nude (I think I'll probably keep my underwear on at least the first few times, but not a bra). It's about not knowing the protocol. For example I'm fine, saying, ordering at a restaurant even if I've never been there before because the protocol is always the same. But if the protocol suddenly changes (like maybe you pay first and then seat yourself, or you have to flag down the waiter for each course, or it's an ethnic restaurant with completely different customs) ....yeah, that's when I'm going to work myself into a bad case of nerves.
For me the anxiety isn't so much over the massage itself (other than wanting to avoid being hurt again like the last time), or even being nude (I think I'll probably keep my underwear on at least the first few times, but not a bra). It's about not knowing the protocol. For example I'm fine, saying, ordering at a restaurant even if I've never been there before because the protocol is always the same. But if the protocol suddenly changes (like maybe you pay first and then seat yourself, or you have to flag down the waiter for each course, or it's an ethnic restaurant with completely different customs) ....yeah, that's when I'm going to work myself into a bad case of nerves.
I guess your problem isn't logical, so advice will probably not help you, but why not just trust that what you need to know will be revealed. "Act as if" and see what happens, just as an experiment. What's the worst thing that could happen if you are "supposed to" lie down on your stomach and you lie on your back, for instance? The therapist will just tell you to turn over. Not really something to lose sleep over.
Easy for me to say but you are wasting a lot of energy.
I guess your problem isn't logical, so advice will probably not help you, but why not just trust that what you need to know will be revealed. "Act as if" and see what happens, just as an experiment. What's the worst thing that could happen if you are "supposed to" lie down on your stomach and you lie on your back, for instance? The therapist will just tell you to turn over. Not really something to lose sleep over.
Easy for me to say but you are wasting a lot of energy.
Well, anxiety isn't logical. The way I handle it is by learning as much as I can first...as I did by posting here. I'm satisfied that I have a good handle on what to expect, which means I can relax and enjoy the experience.
But yeah, you can't out logic anxiety or phobias. It's why they're called irrational fears. If you don't have them, just be glad that you don't. I'm lucky in that my anxiety issues are relatively minor and easy enough to overcome. Some people are not that lucky at all.
Being afraid of new social situations is really no different than being afraid of heights or spiders. You can stand on a ledge and know you're perfectly safe, but the lizard part of your brain is going to scream danger anyway...if you have that particular phobia. I'm betting there is something you're afraid that isn't rational or logical too. And again if you don't....good for you! But the vast majority of people are irrational about something.
Well, anxiety isn't logical. The way I handle it is by learning as much as I can first...as I did by posting here. I'm satisfied that I have a good handle on what to expect, which means I can relax and enjoy the experience.
But yeah, you can't out logic anxiety or phobias. It's why they're called irrational fears. If you don't have them, just be glad that you don't. I'm lucky in that my anxiety issues are relatively minor and easy enough to overcome. Some people are not that lucky at all.
Being afraid of new social situations is really no different than being afraid of heights or spiders. You can stand on a ledge and know you're perfectly safe, but the lizard part of your brain is going to scream danger anyway...if you have that particular phobia. I'm betting there is something you're afraid that isn't rational or logical too. And again if you don't....good for you! But the vast majority of people are irrational about something.
Have you tried EFT? It works great on all kinds of anxieties. YouTube whatever your special affliction is with "EFT" and something will come up.
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btw: it's this professional association that provides our malpractice insurance. You bet we have it! no, I've never needed it or heard of anyone who did, but if a state has a licensing law (most, but not all, do) then carrying malpractice insurance is part of it. So is constant continuing education.
The way I handle it is by learning as much as I can first...as I did by posting here. I'm satisfied that I have a good handle on what to expect, which means I can relax and enjoy the experience. 
