Do Latin American women outside of Canada and the USA have lower standards for husbands? (place, travel)
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In order to answer your question, you should post what the standards are for American and Canadian Latinos?
Excellent question that I have no answer for! As realistically standards are not 100% the same in any region ex the things I value might me pretty different then my freinds, neighbour and so on.
I think my comments are branching off from some discussions that I have had on the Toronto forum and noticed on the New York forum which I really question as well as comments made by men I have encountered in real life. The question probably relates more to the idea of a man that cannot find a partner often because he is looking for someone out of his league in terms of looks, younger, submissive and to basically have as a live in servant so he goes in search of this foreing bride/ partner that he just assumes we meet these needs. I hear this over and over and over again. So I got to wonder what is behind this? I know many many many Latin American women living in Canada and the USA born in Latin American countries that don't meet this profile of the submissive woman willing to put up with being mistreated (In my opinion mistreated would mean bossed around and controlled). In fact the ones I know could just a easily be described as obnoxious as me !
You are looking into to it too much and over thinking it. How old are you if you don't mind my asking?
When you get married/live together, you really need to be a team and a married couple needs to take care of each other. Sometimes it's an exchange (wife cooks & takes care of a home, husband works), sometimes it's an equal union (both work & take care of the home) and sometimes it's uneven.
If there is a woman who was raised traditionally (which some still are in Latin America) to cook and take care of your family, and there is a man in Canada and the US who wants that and is willing to be the main income provider, which would help the woman economically, what's the big deal?
Also, I don't think it happens THAT often for it to be an issue. Most people marry people who are from their towns, cities etc....no matter where in the world they are.
I am not suggesting being a housewife means a woman is submissive. This freaks me out a bit when I hear men talk about women like this as it indirectly suggests that some women can be bought for the right price. Ex I can be a complete jerk, but if I have money I can just marry some pretty poor girl who will put up with my nonsense because she is desperate. I kid you not this is the vibe given off by a lot of the men I am referring to. The mentality to me is that it is okay to exploit someone.
I'll answer this question. I am white and from the U.S. My wife is from the Dominican Republic. My response is going to make allot of "modern, feminist" women mad but it is what it is.
I knew early on, in high school, that I was never going to be married to a woman raised with modern American values. I wanted a large family, based on Christian values. I wanted a wife who wouldn't mind slowing down and raising a family. I wanted a wife that saw the value in raising children.
As I started dating I quickly realized that those types of women were in short supply in the U.S. Every time I started dating, all I heard about was what career they were going to have, and in listening to them explain the life they wanted, I was saddened by the fact that family was barely mentioned. My mom is a hippy flower child, she didn't work until all 3 of her kids were well into school, so in a way I wanted a women like my mom. The 1950's Americana that has long since gone.
Now let me explain the stark contrast in culture. My wife was raised in the Catholic Church. She comes from a huge family, she has over 100 first cousins. The family is very close and they have huge reunions every couple of years. She was raised to take pride in her household. Being able to cook is a sign of adulthood in her culture. Women are raised to be mothers and wives first and foremost. Only once the kids are gone do they go on to other things. American women are raised to think that being a mother and a wife is beneath them. If they aren't some power broker in industry they have failed in someway. Kids today are sent to daycare as newborns, raised by strangers. They are ignored in their own homes. Families eat out constantly because no one cares to cook. I can go on and on.
Thank you for your detailed response. This does not seem as negative as the situation I am referring too. I do think what you are saying about American women (could also apply to Canadian women) has a lot of truth to it. I did not actually know anyone who was a house wife growing up. I cannot imagine not working and having my own money. There are women in the USA and Canada that would be okay with being a housewife and doing all that related stuff, but I think the numbers are pretty low. Frankly the ones that I indirectly know who are in that situation in my city are either very poor (because of the family having only 1 income provider) or extremly wealthy and religious (other wise their is usually a nanny and the wife has some sort of job or a lot of social stuff going on). I am not staying that one situation is better then the other at all. My question is more about the scale of power and the idea of thinking it is okay to buy someone's affection.
You are looking into to it too much and over thinking it. How old are you if you don't mind my asking?
Also, I don't think it happens THAT often for it to be an issue. Most people marry people who are from their towns, cities etc....no matter where in the world they are.
You are right Rosa It doesn't happen that often, the fact that some North American men might view Latinas as submissive reflects poorly on them not Latinas. But honestly I have never heard a Canadian man speak on Latinas as they were submissive and wanted a Latina Because they couldn't get a woman here. I say this as a Latino -Canadian who is married to a Latina. Infact I have heard more negative comments about Latinas sadly from other women. Lots of stereotypes similar to what was written by the OP. I stand by what I said earlier.
The OP (you know the obnoxious person also known as me) never said that Latina women are in any way more or less submissive. I 100% agree that "the fact that some North American men might view Latinas as submissive reflects poorly on their culture not Latinas". I am just trying to shed led on the issue because if no one confronts a topic then people start to believe that these things are true. If you don't put a different message out there then you are not much better. I guess it might just take an obnoxious person to be upfront and ask a question with the known risk of being vilified for it?
New flash women are always harsher to other women .... sad reality. Watch the Movie Mean Girls.
Thank you for your detailed response. This does not seem as negative as the situation I am referring too. I do think what you are saying about American women (could also apply to Canadian women) has a lot of truth to it. I did not actually know anyone who was a house wife growing up. I cannot imagine not working and having my own money. There are women in the USA and Canada that would be okay with being a housewife and doing all that related stuff, but I think the numbers are pretty low. Frankly the ones that I indirectly know who are in that situation in my city are either very poor (because of the family having only 1 income provider) or extremly wealthy and religious (other wise their is usually a nanny and the wife has some sort of job or a lot of social stuff going on). I am not staying that one situation is better then the other at all. My question is more about the scale of power and the idea of thinking it is okay to buy someone's affection.
I don't think that anyone goes into this thinking "I can't find a woman at home, so I will go to South America and buy one". Each person has something they are looking for. When I asked my wife what attracted her to me besides appearance, she said that most of the men she had dated couldn't keep a job, and wasn't responsible. She said that she would be very reluctant to start a long term relationship with them because she couldn't financially trust them. She also wanted a large family and the men she dated seemed to shirk responsibility. So again, money only had a small part to play. I think that the strong North American economies have a large part to play in it. One thing I will point out is the fact that different cultures have different meanings to what they find attractive.
As far as a Latina being submissive, I don't know what Latinas you are referring to because the ones I know, including my wife are sassy and won't spare a second to let you know what they are thinking. Latina's are "spicy".
i don't think that anyone goes into this thinking "i can't find a woman at home, so i will go to south america and buy one". Each person has something they are looking for. When i asked my wife what attracted her to me besides appearance, she said that most of the men she had dated couldn't keep a job, and wasn't responsible. She said that she would be very reluctant to start a long term relationship with them because she couldn't financially trust them. She also wanted a large family and the men she dated seemed to shirk responsibility. So again, money only had a small part to play. I think that the strong north american economies have a large part to play in it. One thing i will point out is the fact that different cultures have different meanings to what they find attractive.
as far as a latina being submissive, i don't know what latinas you are referring to because the ones i know, including my wife are sassy and won't spare a second to let you know what they are thinking. Latina's are "spicy".
Again, just a reminder I never said I thought Latin American women were submissive. I give up! I probably would have better luck trying to raise the dead then to have this discussion.
Basically there is no such thing as "Latin American women". That's like making assumptions about blonde women, or tall women, or women who use glasses. Individuals have different values, ideas, different background, life experience, etc.
The same behavior you are describing happens in the US and Canada as well. Very rich men in both of those countries marry women that would seem to be a class above their level physically...when foreigners travel to poorer countries, they essentially move up a class on the financial ladder and as such act accordingly
It is not fair to single out these men as this behavior is universal..in addition its highly unfair to single out Latinas as this behavior of seeking the financial step up is universal as well
I am pretty sure this behavior is common in your Trinidad as well...you are judging these men through Canadian eyes but try judging them through the eyes of a poorer country or better yet, imagine these men as being one economic class up from their current position in the Canadian context
As for who is exploiting who...both the foreign male and the local female are exploiting each other...equal opportunity exploitation...if you want to blame something, blame global economics....but that is outside the scope of this discussion
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