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I am a metro Detroit native who moved to NYC after college 7 years ago. Even though I have a bachelor's (in psychology... not the most marketable degree admittedly) I am a hairstylist. I went to get a change of pace and to escape the bad economy in Michigan at the time. While I've been lucky and have had an amazing career here I need to eventually move back to Michigan for family reasons (aging parents, both single and divorced). My only other sibling is disabled and lives on the other side of the state in Grand Rapids so the responsibility of looking after them is going to fall on me.
I've talked to a LOT of people about what's going on in Michigan these days. I know it is nowhere near as bad as it was several years back... but not great either from what I've been told. When I visited my hometown area (Macomb County- Sterling Heights/Shelby Township border) I was shocked. The roads were in SHAMBLES, to the point where I felt scared to drive on them. On Woodward at the intersection of Bloomfield Hills and Birmingham I almost drove into a pothole that had to be at least a foot and a half long and at least that deep, right in the middle of the lane with zero warning. It was difficult to find single people my age to reconnect with, as most had moved out of the area or were married long ago. Closer to Detroit in Ferndale/Royal Oak/Clawson it was a bit of a better vibe but I could still see signs of economic struggle everywhere.
From a political standpoint, I am very liberal. I couldn't understand my parent's neighbors voting for Trump and putting Republicans back in the House and Senate. We'd get into conversations about it and it became clear to me I was nothing like these people. I found their lack of education suffocating and their ignorance astounding. They also rejected regional mass transit, another thing I couldn't grasp coming from NYC. I just found issue after issue I couldn't accept or tolerate.
Also, the landscape there is just ugly. It was always ugly but seems to have gotten even worse with the roads and blight. It's like no one there cares about anything but themselves and their property, I found little sense of community outside of a few Oakland County suburbs I can't realistically afford much in. I know Ann Arbor isn't exactly cheap either, but the job opportunities seem better from what I've observed.
When it comes to my future, where do you think I would be better positioned? I have a job offer waiting in Ann Arbor as well as Rochester Hills and enough to afford a decent one bedroom apartment in either place, as well as a good amount of savings to tide me over if necessary. I would be an hour and a half from my parents in Ann Arbor but it just keeps seeming to me like there's an overall better quality of life out there. The access to nature seems better (which is important to me), the attitude more progressive, the job market more cutting edge/forward thinking. Would I fit in there if I'm older than the college crowd? I assume there's still a big world to explore there minus the academics. I'd appreciate any insights or advice you may have.
Last edited by EastBoundandDownChick; 03-30-2017 at 05:36 AM..
I urge you to stay where you are. I'm sure the tips at the salon in NYC are bigger than they would be here. In my opinion moving back could make you bitter. But if you are insistent Ann Arbor is a decent spot and it's a heck of a lot cheaper than NYC. But it a wee bit smaller so don't expect as many restaurants.
KUDOS to you for showing love and compassion for your parents. That is the circle of life. When we could not take care of ourselves, they took care of us. When they cannot take care of themselves then we take care of them as long as we can. You obviously are not a conservative or you would likely have them fend for themselves. Anyway, how close you want to be to your parents would depend on the level of care and attention they need, I would guess. If your parents do not need daily attention right now, I would start off in the Ann Arbor area and maybe look to move closer when the frequency of attention increases for your parents.
Its no NYC.....but like I would tell anyone......if a person cannot find what they are looking for in a area of over 5 million people....they need to start looking inward. Michigan's economy has been improving and the state has had an enviable job growth rate the last few years (however, it lost more jobs than any other state during the recession, with the exception of California...maybe).
You could open your own salon in Mid-town if you can find a way to afford rent. That is the current happening young people place and leans very left. It may be more expensive than ANn Arbor, but i less established - so there is more opportunity. If you are amazing at your job do something special and have some charisma, you could become the go to person for the hipsters. They may not tip mmuch if at all, but you can charge them an arm and a let if you can make yourself the cool hairdresser and they can say "I got my hair done by Downchick" and everyone will go "Ooooooohhhh"
You could open your own salon in Mid-town if you can find a way to afford rent. That is the current happening young people place and leans very left. It may be more expensive than ANn Arbor, but i less established - so there is more opportunity. If you are amazing at your job do something special and have some charisma, you could become the go to person for the hipsters. They may not tip mmuch if at all, but you can charge them an arm and a let if you can make yourself the cool hairdresser and they can say "I got my hair done by Downchick" and everyone will go "Ooooooohhhh"
LOL. I am not looking to start my own place, although there's no doubt that the area has potential. I already have an offer from a local salon owner who offers an hourly guarantee and clients. The minimum they pay would be enough, even without tips, to be comfortable.
Last edited by EastBoundandDownChick; 03-30-2017 at 09:18 AM..
There are plenty of young folks post college in Ann Arbor. Assuming you are in your late 20's to mid 30's you will find peers. That wouldn't be a problem.
But if Ann Arbor is 1.5 hours from the parents you are coming back to take care of how far away is Rochester Hills from those parents? Ann Arbor may fit your life style better but how much time in a car will you spend? A 3 hour round trip from Ann Arbor verses a ?? round trip from Rochester Hills.
When we moved back to Michigan to be closer to family, we thought 1 hour away was just right. It was at first - until my parents got old and we got busy. The novelty of our being here wore off for my siblings and the 2 hour drive becems an annoyance more than anything. At least when we lived 2500 miles away, they did not feel obligated to occasionally take a big chunk of time out for a visit.
To visit my Dad for one hour takes me over three hours. Other than weekends, I virtually never have three hours available. On top of that, it is unusual I visit Dad for only an hour. That just does not work out. He is very lonely and keeps you there following you out the door talking and even down the driveway. The reality is any visit with that kind of commute is going to take up 4-5 hours. That leave only weekends and not every weekend. Once n a blue moon my business will take me out his way and I will stop by for lunch, or I will just drop by after work, but the latter means I will get to his house around 7 or 7:30, leave around 9 and get home after 10. Given I need to be up around 5:30, that means I do not get enough sleep and am grumpy and unproductive the next day. So weekdays visits are rare.
When we first moved here, Dad and mom cane to visit constantly. They attended all the kids events, even more than I was able to. However as they aged, the trip got to be more and more of a trial for them. Now, anytime he comes to visit and leaves in the evening, I worry whether he will make it home until he calls and tells me he got there (cannot convince him to stay over and just go home in the morning).
If we lived closer to where I could drop in for 15- 20 minutes on a daily basis, he would get a lot more visits and woudl probably not be as lonely, plus someone would be around regularly to make sure he is ok.
Point is, an hour away is much too far away. It was a bad choice notwithstanding we love the place where we live. It is certainly better than being 2500 miles away, but over time, a two hour round trip has made regular visits impractical. We see him maybe twice or three times a month (a few months we might see him a lot, but a typical moth is likely to be 1-3 times).
You seem to have an established a super negative opinion of Southeast Michigan that doesn't exactly reflect what the more objective observer would view. You're the one with the psychology degree here, but if I had to opine: I'd suggest that you don't want to move here and would only be doing so out of some sense of obligation toward your family. Now because of this you're creating issues where there are none or viewing regular things as somehow worse, because you want to find reason to not be here. You want to excuse yourself for living your own life. Please don't take this as a guilt trip, because I think you should live your life how you want. My wife and I moved away from family because we wanted to, and we're happy.
Michigan isn't bad. The economy is thriving and pretty much every storefront has a now hiring sign. Some roads are bad, but some are good, and most are pretty typical of Anytown, America. The landscape is in my opinion the most beautiful place I've ever lived... outside of the winter... Winter here is ugly, but the other 9 months of the year I feel as though I'm in a little forested city and I love it. And the Trump thing? C'mon, I dislike Trump as much as the next liberal, but I'm not going to not move somewhere because the neighbors voted for Trump. That kind of self-segregating attitude is what creates the disgusting partisan society we live in today where nobody can understand the perspective of anyone outside of their isolated social bubble - and yes, one can still be living in a bubble in New York City. Most liberals don't get this, but culturally diverse cities are still political bubbles and negate the perspectives of 50% of America who live in rural or exurban areas - sorry, this has little to do with what you're asking, but seriously, drop the Trump thing as an excuse to not live somewhere.
So step back. Do you even want to move back home? Because to me it doesn't sound like you do. If you wanted to move to Michigan, it's very easy to see the good here and it's even easier to find your place among the friendly people. My assumption is that no, you don't, and you'll be absolutely miserable if you do - but don't transpose the blame onto Michigan; Michigan is a great place experiencing a solid economy and a lot of positives for the people living here; it just turns out that you're happy where you are, and that's totally fine.
You seem to have an established a super negative opinion of Southeast Michigan..........Michigan is a great place experiencing a solid economy and a lot of positives for the people living here; it just turns out that you're happy where you are, and that's totally fine.
I reduced your quote just to keep it small but I agree 100% with the whole shebang.
I reduced your quote just to keep it small but I agree 100% with the whole shebang.
Yep - agreed.
If your parents aren't sick now, then you have the luxury of complaining.
If the situation was more urgent, then a lot of the stuff you are complaining about really wouldn't matter.
Yes - the roads suck. It's Michigan - they've been this way for years -we've gotten used to it.
Yes - Michigan isn't like NYC. A lot of Michiganders prefer it that way.
I'm in the situation where my dad is sick and because I live nearly 2 hours away, I spend a lot of time in my car only to visit him for a few hours.
I can't visit and help out as much as I'd like, but that is what part of what comes from the choice that our family made not to live closer. Choices have consequences.
So, advice....don't move here with a bad attitude about Michigan or people who are different than you (which would apply anywhere you move or live - not just Michigan).
It does suck when most of your friends from college are now raising families elsewhere (because they also had to move for jobs), but guess what - you also have the opportunity to make new friends closer to home. Here, you have to make more of an effort to find things and get involved, but it is possible to do other things besides shop and talk about cars.
If you don't want to be here, then admit it, and make other plans with your elderly parents about their future care. They are adults and have ideas about how they want the last years of their lives to look. It's not just about you and what you want and what you think they need. They will most certainly remind you of that as well.
When you get to the point of where you are more of a caregiver for your parents, you really aren't going to notice too much about who's around and who isn't. Because you've got your job, your life (whatever that is and looks like) and then, on top of that, you'll be doing all the extra stuff for your family. It's not like you are going to have more than 24 hours just because you have another person you are driving to appointments, visiting in the hospital, etc. Some things are going to become less important as you take on that caregiver role.
Personally, I would live as close to your family as I could get because that would make things a lot easier when they are sick and really need your help.
For example, in my case, my son has spring break next week, so we are going out a couple of times to visit my dad. During our normal weeks, we are packed with other things that are "important" at night and we can't just go after school and visit because it would be 4 hours in a car round-trip. It isn't practical for me to visit during the week - without upheavals in chore distribution and things that would need to be delegated out. You don't want your home life to be crazy when you are dealing with your parent's illness. Most people really don't thrive on chaos and multi-tasking when they are highly emotional - as care giving tends to be.
If you don't have to make a major move right at this moment, I'd talk to your family first about what they'd want as they get older and not just make assumptions or any major moves that you don't seem happy with.
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That is the circle of life. When we could not take care of ourselves, they took care of us. When they cannot take care of themselves then we take care of them as long as we can. You obviously are not a conservative 
or you would likely have them fend for themselves. Anyway, how close you want to be to your parents would depend on the level of care and attention they need, I would guess. If your parents do not need daily attention right now, I would start off in the Ann Arbor area and maybe look to move closer when the frequency of attention increases for your parents. 
