Needing to chose between Phoenix or Tucson -50yo professional and 24yo son. [Part 2] (Scottsdale: best cities, transplants)

[spumoni]

I just returned from my first trip to AZ and spend several days in Tucson, and Tempe.

About me: I am self-employed and have my own business which is not location-dependent. I'm a single father to a 24-year old son who has some learning disabilities and still lives with me. I'm culturally Jewish and have an East Coach Jewish sensibility about myself.

I am gay and single however I have never been active in the gay community. Nothing against it, it's just not important to me, although it would be helpful for me to improve my social/dating life.

My son is fine with moving wherever, he just wants to get out of the cold and New Jersey.

I would love to hear your thoughts on moving to Tucson or Phoenix. I thought it might be helpful to share my initial impressions. I do plan on coming out again in a few months.

Tucson: I really liked the city (even though I stayed in Oro Valley). I thought the area was spectacularly beautiful, I liked the downtown neighborhoods and could definitely see us living in University West or Sam Hughes. I felt like it would be an easy place to get acclimated as the city is relatively small and people seem generally nice. I did not get the sense that the dating scene for a gay guy my age was great, but I imagined I'd find people to connect with as I tend to enjoy intellectual conversation, and tend to be drawn to people who are academic types. I had complete sticker shock over the prices of houses in the areas I liked and also saw that there is little inventory. Overall, I felt like it would be an easier transition from the East Coast to Tucson and the drawback would be there would be fewer dating prospects and the housing market.

Phoenix: I spend a good amount of time driving around as I wanted to get a sense of the area. I know that's not the best way to get a feel for a new place but I had never been there before and wanted to orient myself. I have to say I was rather turned off by the massive suburban sprawl and time it takes to get from place to place. I kept saying to my son "This just feels like being in L.A. to me." The city felt big, impersonal, and sprawling. The last day we were there I was in the downtown neighborhoods and really loved the area. I thought the older historic homes were beautiful and I was impressed with the sophistication of the area (Roosevelt Row, etc.). Being in that area changed my initial dislike for Phoenix.

Keep in mind I'm coming into this as an outsider and only have my East Coast frame of reference as I've lived here my whole life.

Here's why I'm feeling torn after this initial visit: Tucson felt more comfortable and more "me", whereas I know that I would probably find more people I could relate to in Phoenix as there's a larger gay population and Jewish population. My son surprisingly liked downtown Phoenix, he did not come to Tucson with me as he was visiting a friend in Peoria.

I welcome your feedback. Thanks!

[grmi66]

I used to live in one of the historic districts in Phoenix (Coronado) and one major difference between the two cities is that Phoenix actually has a well defined "gayborhood". If it's important to you, there are gay restaurants, bars, retail stores and more that would cater to you. As for dating, I'd have no idea.

Look up the Melrose neighborhood in Phoenix. That is the epicenter of gay culture and the area from what I could tell as a non-gay happily married man was that it extended from roughly 7th Avenue and Camelback all the way to about 16th Street and McDowell. Even remember making a few sales calls to a large health clinic in that area that catered exclusively to gay men.

But we live in Oro Valley now, as a 55 year year old guy I much prefer the laid back and quiet suburban life now.

[Adamson865]

If you had sticker shock over housing prices in Tucson, just wait until you start looking in Phoenix.

I'm a rapidly aging gay guy who's lived in both locations but fled PHX after a year. It's too big and sprawling, and driving on the freeways there is a contact sport. I much prefer the laid-back middling-city vibe of Tucson. It doesn't aspire to anything other than not being Phoenix, but that's fine by me.

[spumoni]

I figured it would be good to describe myself first and what I'm looking for as I would love to hear some opinions.

I'm a 50yo professional, single, gay, have a 23yo son who lives with me and would be moving with me.

I have lived in the Northeast my entire life in the suburbs of major cities. I would consider myself politically to the moderate left and have been increasingly being turned off by upper middle class virtue signaling to wokeism ideas. (This may be irrelevant but I figured I should mention it.)

I work for myself and can work anywhere, my son's career path is in the vocational trades and he can work anywhere there's construction work being done.

I recently returned from my first trip to AZ which was a "fact finding" mission as I'm strongly considering a move to either AZ or FL in the next year. AZ is more appealing to me right now.

I would love some input on which of these areas might be an easier adjustment and better for both myself and my son socially. I have one older relative in Tucson, and know about 3 people in Phoenix so that's not a significant variable. I wanted to share my observations of the pros/cons of each, based on my limited experience and hear some feedback.


Tucson (What I liked)

• Area was beautiful
• Really liked that downtown felt small/manageable and one could live in the city.
• I was drawn to the University West/Sam Hughes area.
• Tucson appealed to my desire to live in a college town.
• I thought the foothills/Oro Valley was beautiful.
• I loved the weather (yes I know about the summer, it doesn't bother me if there's no humidity.)

Tucson (Concerns)

• Housing prices downtown were a bit shocking.
• he smaller population size makes for less dating prospects, which is a concern when you're gay as your dating pool is smaller.
• I did not like that outside of downtown it felt like there were few walkable areas.
• I would like a backyard for our dog, and I do enjoy quiet but do not want to feel isolated living in a suburban development that requires going to strip malls for anything.
• Getting back to the East Coast is more time-consuming since there's almost no flights from Tucson to the east coast.

I spent limited time in Phoenix (but will be returning) and really spent no time in Scottsdale this trip. My initial thoughts

Phoenix (What I liked)

• More access to "big city" everything.
• I would guess it would be easy to meet other educated professional around my age given that there are so many transplants in the area.
• More housing options and it actually seemed like you could get more for the money in Phoenix than Tucson right now.
• Ranked as one of the best cities for gay retirees (I will probably never retire but that was good to know.)
• More options of different areas to live.
• More dating prospects.

Phoenix (Concerns)

• It feels a bit daunting/impersonal to move to a major city where I have few connections.
• I hated all the highway driving (granted we were driving all over to explore the area).
• Coming from the East Coast I felt a lack of "sense of place", a lot of Phoenix seemed like endless strip malls/shopping centers and it was hard to discern uptown from midtown, etc.
• Definitely did not prefer the lack of change in temperature, compared to Tucson.
• Tucson feels more "me, but I could see myself and my son easily becoming acclimated to Scottsdale or Tempe.

I would appreciate any feedback on my thoughts, thank you for your time.

[spumoni]

Everything you said you didn't like about PHX are concerns of mine because I think I'd feel the same way. Thanks for your input, your validated my exactly concerns

[spumoni]

Being somewhere that has a clearly defined gay area isn't relevant to me, only that there's some dating prospects. Thanks

[SeattleCat]

I lived in Tucson for 25 years and prefer it to Phoenix, but that's just me and many of my friends disagree. I like the close access to the mountains, the university, downtown, etc. In my experience, Tucson is more friendly, laid back, and it just has a cooler and more artsy vibe. I know Tucson has a relatively decent gay dating scene as my brother in law lived there for ten years and loved it. He seemed to have no trouble finding guys to date.

[wilberry]

Albuquerque

[eddie gein]

Found this on another site and totally agree...

One of the great things about Tucson is that there are no gay neighborhoods. No need for them. Everyone here lives together, wherever they want. The people here are nice and kind and accepting and we all live in all areas. I have been here for about 40 years, never had a problem and I am definitely out and about daily. Selling real estate that is. lol

You may like the central area, if you want to be closer to “things happening”.
Gay bars are located from Speedway / Swan to Prince / Oracle to 4th Ave near Downtown Tucson.

The GLBT community center just off 4th Ave, near down town as well. 4th Ave has a very GLBT friendly vibe, several cool places there.

If you like the college town vibe you would really like central Tucson.

[spumoni]

We are coming to Tucson and Phoenix next mother for another visit. I have been researching this quite a bit and would love some feedback.

About Us: I'm a 50yo professional single guy, gay and looking to date. I have a business where I can work from anywhere and I also want to have a "brick & mortar" office wherever we move. My clients are (educated) upper-middle class parents. My son is 24yo and went to vocational school for carpentry. He would like to go into interior carpentry.

At this point, I'm feeling torn because I really preferred Tucson over Phoenix (I did like Phoenix as well) but I have concerns about Tucson.


Tucson (Concerns)
1. It appears that to live within the city I'd be looking at between $500-600K for an older, 3br/2ba house while going outside of the city you can get something for less money that probably doesn't need as much work. I would really want to be in the city, not somewhere like Oro Valley only because I've lived in suburbs my entire life, I want something different.
2. This may sound elitist which is not my intention. In terms of dating, I'd like to meet professional, educated guys like myself. I get the sense there are significantly less opportunities for this in Tucson as there is a larger, educated population around Phoenix.
3. In terms of my client base, it seems like that may be much more limited in Tucson, again because there's a larger educated population in Phoenix.
4. There may be less job opportunities for my son in Tucson than Phoenix, given that he's starting out in the field.
5. (The biggest one) We don't know anyone in Tucson, whereas both my son and I have at least one friend in Phoenix.


I would appreciate any feedback on my thoughts, thank you for your time.