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Even if they have no beds available, surely they could take you in for the day or let you sleep in a chair or on a pallet.
Then what should she do the NEXT day to survive?
OP I feel for you but I learned from a young age that it's mostly up to you to make the breaks in life that you need to succeed. I would not for one single second tolerate abuse from a partner, husband or husbands kid for that matter. Not only that...I would not tolerate it from any human or any other species.
I am not trying to make you feel any worse then you most likely feel...I am trying to impart it's up to you to fix your life. Sure it's great if anyone steps up to lend a helping hand...however do all that you can to help yourself first.
Your dogs are your children...I get that. However, they are also suffering with you. If you can find a stable place to leave them until you can fend for yourself then please consider it.
Status:
"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
(set 1 day ago)
35,583 posts, read 17,927,273 times
Reputation: 50620
Quote:
Originally Posted by Podo944
You have a daughter? I'm guessing she's an adult? And she's in cahoots with your husband and gets along fine with him or something?
Her family is such a typical dynamic for domestic violence that really, it makes it so believable. Raised in this environment, some kids flee (her son joined the navy and got the hell out of dodge when he graduated high school) some kids shut down (she's got one who won't come out of his room apparently) Some kids look around and realize the role choices are 1. abuser 2. victim; and they choose the more appealing role, an abuser.
This dynamic almost always happens to people who have been in a lifelong cycle of abuse - other women would realize something is very very wrong and get out early in the cycle. Women with a history of DV don't recognize the problem or are comfortable enough with the dynamic until it becomes unbearable.
Meanwhile, it's very typical for women in domestic abuse to create situations on purpose where they can't leave - and that makes it easy to point to those things as reasons she can't leave. So she doesn't have to admit she just doesn't want to leave. (Which early on is closer to the truth). Getting 2 great dane mixes and another dog that she can't leave and no one will take. Because she has no contacts at all who are her allies. None. At all.
This is such a textbook case of generational domestic violence that it must be true. Or it's a poster working on her Masters in Social Work and is using this internet experience to write her master's thesis on how the public in general responds to pleas for help from women in domestic violence situations. Which did occur to me, actually.
She's not going to leave the dogs for him to hurt or kill.
Honestly I wouldn't either (as someone with no kids but a dog).
First step is secure a safe space for the dogs. Then - GO, op.
Call every dog rescue you can find.
OP - I did a search and will message you with one in your town. I also just sent them your original post. Maybe someone can foster your dogs until you get in a spot where you can get them back.
Location: In my cat's house, until she finds a better human servant
372 posts, read 390,076 times
Reputation: 812
There have been enough details in the OP's posts that convinced me it would be difficult for the average troll to pull this off, it would take actual experiences or an extensive knowledge of psychology, there are things she's said I don't think the average member of CD would even pick up on (no criticism of anyone here). So that is what I based the urgency of offering assistance, because I wouldn't want someone in such a situation to be alone and not get help. Other possibilities are always out there, but given the details I think are less likely.
After exchanging pm's with the OP, I believe she is working hard to get away and I hope she will continue her efforts. I'll continue to monitor this but think I've added about everything I can and wish the OP strength and that she is safe soon (with her dogs).
OP I feel for you but I learned from a young age that it's mostly up to you to make the breaks in life that you need to succeed. I would not for one single second tolerate abuse from a partner, husband or husbands kid for that matter. Not only that...I would not tolerate it from any human or any other species.
I am not trying to make you feel any worse then you most likely feel...I am trying to impart it's up to you to fix your life. Sure it's great if anyone steps up to lend a helping hand...however do all that you can to help yourself first.
Your dogs are your children...I get that. However, they are also suffering with you. If you can find a stable place to leave them until you can fend for yourself then please consider it.
I wish you the best in this doggy dog world.
She should catch a ride to Little Rock, where there are more resources, as I made clear in my earlier post.
Immediate safety is the concern at present. Calling the LR shelter and finding what they can offer if she can get herself there would be a good first step. Perhaps they could offer a ride to her, or perhaps they know someone in her town who could provide this. Churches might also help with this, and could certainly offer her meals for one day. It takes less than an hour to get to LR from the OP's town, btw.
Someone asked if she could pick up the dogs and carry them with her - unfortunately for this plan, they are all large breeds, older, and there are three of them. If she tries to sneak out at night, it's quite possible they would bark and alert her husband. Not a good situation...
OP, where are the dogs at night? I hope they are not with you then.
Could you climb out the bedroom window? If you try this during the daytime, maybe leave a radio or TV playing to make it sound as if you are still inside..
Or if you leave at night, arrange pillows in your bed to mislead your husband and/or daughter at a quick glance into a darkened room (remove the lightbulbs from any lights near the bedroom door and from the overhead light to buy you a few extra seconds). Drop your bag out the window, then follow, grab it, and go as fast as you can to safety.
Actually, from what you have told us, the police certainly would be justified in stepping in to rescue you. You are being verbally and emotionally abused and physically threatened by people who have a serious history of physical, emotional, and verbal domestic and personal abuse. You are being held against your will, and that is illegal.
At one point, you said your husband threatened to throw you out if you didn't do something or another. Would this be any worse than what you're presently enduring?
Last edited by CraigCreek; 06-08-2017 at 08:51 AM..
She should catch a ride to Little Rock, where there are more resources, as I made clear in my earlier post.
Immediate safety is the concern at present. Calling the LR shelter and finding what they can offer if she can get herself there would be a good first step. Perhaps they could offer a ride to her, or perhaps they know someone in her town who could provide this. Churches might also help with this, and could certainly offer her meals for one day. It takes less than an hour to get to LR from the OP's town, btw.
Someone asked if she could pick up the dogs and carry them with her - unfortunately for this plan, they are all large breeds, older, and there are three of them. If she tries to sneak out at night, it's quite possible they would bark and alert her husband. Not a good situation...
OP, where are the dogs at night? I hope they are not with you then.
Could you climb out the bedroom window? If you try this during the daytime, maybe leave a radio or TV playing to make it sound as if you are still inside..
Or if you leave at night, arrange pillows in your bed to mislead your husband and/or daughter at a quick glance into a darkened room (remove the lightbulbs from any lights near the bedroom door and from the overhead light to buy you a few extra seconds). Drop your bag out the window, then follow, grab it, and go as fast as you can to safety.
Actually, from what you have told us, the police certainly would be justified in stepping in to rescue you. You are being verbally and emotionally abused and physically threatened by people who have a serious history of physical, emotional, and verbal domestic and personal abuse. You are being held against your will, and that is illegal.
At one point, you said your husband threatened to throw you out if you didn't do something or another. Would this be any worse than what you're presently enduring?
I believe that the OP can make out a case for kidnapping under Arkansas statute. While that may seem nonsensical because the OP is in her home, kidnapping is defined as restraining another individual so as to interfere substantially with that individual's liberty for nefarious purposes. The OP has described substantial interference with her liberty, and the purpose seems to be to terrorize her. Her daughter and husband are complicit in this, and she evidently has a record of physical abuse to support an allegation of terrorizing her. She should seek out an attorney who specializes in domestic abuse. And the local shelter could provide her with the names of such attorneys.
I believe that the OP can make out a case for kidnapping under Arkansas statute. While that may seem nonsensical because the OP is in her home, kidnapping is defined as restraining another individual so as to interfere substantially with that individual's liberty for nefarious purposes. The OP has described substantial interference with her liberty, and the purpose seems to be to terrorize her. Her daughter and husband are complicit in this, and she evidently has a record of physical abuse to support an allegation of terrorizing her. She should seek out an attorney who specializes in domestic abuse. And the local shelter could provide her with the names of such attorneys.
The problem is that I think she's unwilling to go all the way and get the abusers "in trouble". If the cops or APS show up and the abusers say she's free to do what she wants and there's no apparent evidence to the contrary (windows nailed shut, deadbolt on her bedroom door, etc) there's not much to do.
From what she's stated, she's more mentally abused and it's probably harder to get immediate help.
She's not helping her daughter by covering her role and I guess she fears that there will be retaliation against her other son who seems to have a pill addiction. That's the problem in highly dysfunctional families. Almost everyone has a "if you do something to me, I'll get you for X" situation. Oh well, call their bluff. If your son is on pills, then the sooner he's forced to deal with it, the better. I wouldn't let myself get treated like **** bc I'm worried he might get in trouble. He's not worried about getting you out.
OP, do you have a place to go or not? Could you leave if the cops came over?
Because if you do and if you can, do you want one of US to call the cops?
If you really are barricaded in a room, then any cop worth his salt would do a check on you if they were called. I'm not asking you to give us your phone number, but you can PM anyone here with your address and I'm sure one of us would call the local police, explain the situation, and have them go out there.
On the other hand, if they arrive out there and you are not ready to leave and refuse to go with them, you can't blame them if they leave you there and are reluctant to come out there again.
To everyone else posting on this thread:
I have seen this sort of thing before when someone on another forum threatened suicide and then didn't come back. The other posters sat around discussing the threat endlessly. People, if you think something serious is happening to someone, it's no longer a case for discussion. If someone says they are going to commit suicide, or that they are being held against their will, or that they're being battered or abused, then YOU need to step up and take some action, whether you think they're hoaxes or not.
OP, if you don't respond to this post by this evening, I myself will call the police in Coway and let them take it from there. I'm sure they can contact the admins here and get the IP address of the computer you're using. This is something that's gone way beyond any casual topic for discussion.
I am trying to find a shelter and make a plan to leave
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