[Suncoast Guy]

A man put in 10 puns for a pun contest, hoping that at least one of them would win. But sadly, no pun in ten did.

[Suncoast Guy]

Looking over the log book kept by the computer support staff at my office, I noticed several entries stating the problem was PICNIC. I asked one of the technicians what PICNIC meant. He laughed as he told me it meant "Problem In Chair, Not In Computer"

[Suncoast Guy]

An optometrist was instructing a new employee on how to charge a customer. "As you are fitting her glasses, if she asks how much they cost, you say '$150.' "If her eyes don't flutter, say, 'For the frames. The lenses will be $100.' "If her eyes still don't flutter, you add, 'Each.'"

[sandgirl]

An Indian official came to Washington to plead his tribe's cause. It wanted the right to handle all of its own affairs. The head of the Bureau of Indian Affairs said, "It would be criminal to hand over those rights. Indians aren't smart enough to manage their property."

"Sir, do you think I wouldn't have that much brains?" I'm talking about the average Indian. You were sent here because you were the smartest man."

The Indian said, "I'm just an average Indian sir. We Indians are like the rest of the people of the United States, we never send our smartest men to Washington!"

[sandgirl]

A fisherman returned to shore with a giant marlin that was bigger and heavier than he. On the way to the cleaning shed, the fisherman ran into a second fisherman who had a string of a dozen baby minnows. The second fisherman looked at the marlin, turned to the first fisherman, and asked, "Only caught the one, eh?"

[sandgirl]

Two union men debated whether or not they should go to the union meeting. One said, "We have to go. We must show these capitalist pigs that we are united in our struggle to attain a living wage that will reflect the dignity of labor."

The other union man said, "You're right. We should go. But we'll have to take your Jaguar. My Mercedes is in the shop!"

[sandgirl]

Cop: "We arrested this man beating the living daylights out of some poor guy for no reason at all. What should we charge him with?"

Desk sergeant: "Impersonating a police officer."

[sandgirl]

After Laura was pulled over for speeding, she told her four-year- old daughter Olivia, "That was not a good thing that Mommy did. I was going too fast, and that's why the policeman gave me a ticket." "What's the ticket mean?" Olivia asked, Laura replied, "It means I have to pay a lot of money as a punishment." The little girl then asked, "Why didn't he just spank you instead?"

[Rickers]

What happened to the guy who kept farting in church ? --------


He had to sit in his own pew. !!!!!!!!!

[sandgirl]

> It is near the Christmas break of the school year. The students have turned in all their work and there is really nothing more to do. All the children are restless and the teacher decides to have an early dismissal.
> Teacher: "Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly can leave early today."
>
> Little Johnny says to himself "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart and will answer the question."
>
> Teacher: "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?"
>
> Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln."
>
> Teacher: "That's right Susie, you can go home."
>
> Johnny is mad that Susie answered the question first.
>
> Teacher: "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?"
>
> Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, "Martin Luther King."
>
> Teacher: "That's right Mary, you can go."
>
> Johnny is even madder than before.
>
> Teacher: "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?"
>
> Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, "John F. Kennedy."
>
> Teacher: "That's right Nancy, you may also leave."
>
> Johnny is boiling mad that he has not been able to answer to any of the questions.
>
> When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, "I wish these b*tches would keep their mouths shut!"
>
> The teacher turns around: "NOW WHO SAID THAT?"
>
> Johnny: "TIGER WOODS. CAN I GO NOW?"