[Rainbow Island]

BP Says - No More Cajuns
BP hired Boudreaux and Thibodeaux to help clean pelicans along the Gulf coast.

22 were skinned, cleaned, and ready to cook before they were fired…………….

[Rainbow Island]

One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.

He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?" "We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to eat grass."
"Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you," the lawyer said. "But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree." "Bring them along," the lawyer replied.

Turning to the other poor man he stated,"You come with us, also."
The second man, in a pitiful voice, then said, "But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me!" "Bring them all, as well," the lawyer answered.

They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine was. Once under way, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you. The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it. You'll really love my place! The grass is almost a foot high."

[Rainbow Island]

Herman and John were talking one afternoon when Herman tells John,

"Ya know, I reckon I'm 'bout ready for a vacation. Only this year I'm gonna do it a little different. The last few years, I took your advice about where to go. Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii .. I went to Hawaii and Debby got pregnant.

Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas and Debby got pregnant again.

Last year you suggested Tahiti and darn me, if Debby didn't get pregnant again."

John asks Herman, "So, what you gonna do this year that's different?"

Herman says, "This year I'm taking Debby with me."

[simetime]

Originally Posted by Rainbow Island

Broke back deer camp

Four guys were at deer camp. They had to bunk two to a room. No one wanted to room with Daryl because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.

The first guy slept with Daryl and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot. The other two said, 'Man, what happened to you?'

He said, 'Daryl snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night.'

The next night it was the second guy's turn. In the morning, same thing--hair all standing up, eyes all bloodshot. The other two said, 'Man, what happened to you? You look awful!'

He said, 'Man, that Daryl shakes the roof. I sat up and watched him all night.'

The third night was Frank's turn. Frank was a big burly ex-football player; a man's man. The next morning he came to br eakfast bright eyed and bushy tailed. 'Good morning,' he said. The other two couldn't believe it! He looked rested and wide awake.

They asked, 'Man, what happened?'

He said, 'Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Daryl into bed, patted his butt and kissed him good night...Daryl sat up and watched me all night.

exceeeleent (monte burns vioce)

[Rainbow Island]

3. A Cow, An Ant And An Old Fart

A cow an ant and an old fart are debating who is the greatest one among the three of them.

The cow said, "I give 50 liters of milk every day, and that's why I'm the greatest!"

The ant said, "I work day and night, summer and winter, I can carry 52 times my own weight and that's why I am the greatest!"

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Why are scrolling down? It's your turn to say something...

[Rainbow Island]

She Was Soooooo Blonde...

When she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.

She thought if she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless.

She thought that she could not use her AM radio in the evening.

She had a shirt that said "TGIF," which she thought stood for "This Goes In Front."

She is sooooooooooooooooo Blonde...
She thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company.

[Rainbow Island]

The Maid asked for a pay increase. The wife was very upset about this and decided to talk to her about the raise. The conversation went something like this:
Wife: 'Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase'?
Maria: 'Well, Senora, there are three reasons why I want an increase. The first is that I iron better than you.
Wife: 'Who said you iron better than me'?
Maria: 'Your husband said so'.
Wife: 'Oh'.
Maria: 'The second reason is that I am a better cook than you'.
Wife: 'Nonsense. Who said you were a better cook than me'?
Maria: 'Your husband did'.
Wife: 'Oh'.
Maria: 'My third reason is that I am a better lover than you'.
Wife (really furious now): 'Did my husband say that as well'?
Maria: 'No Senora, the gardener did'.
Wife: 'So, how much do you want'?

[Rainbow Island]

A Michigan couple decided to go to Florida to escape frigrid temperatures. They chose to stay in the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife was to fly down the following day.

When the husband checked in, he was suprised to find a computer in his room. He decided to send an email to his wife, however, he accidentally left out one letter out when he typed in her email address... without realizing his error, he sent her the email.

Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston , a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a massive heart attack. That evening, she decided to check her email--expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted.

The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Arrived
Date: February 16, 2010

I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in.

I've seen that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then!!!! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

P. S. Sure is hot down here!!!!

[flyingscotsman]

Railroad tracks.
The US standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches. That's an exceedingly odd number.

Why was that gauge used? Because that's the way they built them in England , and English expatriates designed the US railroads.

Why did the English build them like that? Because the first rail lines were built by the same people who built the pre-railroad tramways, and that's the gauge they used.

Why did 'they' use that gauge then? Because the people who built the tramways used the same **** and tools that they had used for building wagons, which used that wheel spacing.
Why did the wagons have that particular odd wheel spacing? Well, if they tried to use any other spacing, the wagon wheels would break on some of the old, long distance roads in England , because that's the spacing of the wheel ruts.
So who built those old rutted roads? Imperial Rome built the first long distance roads in Europe (including England ) for their legions. Those roads have been used ever since.

And the ruts in the roads? Roman war chariots formed the initial ruts, which everyone else had to match for fear of destroying their wagon wheels.
Since the chariots were made for Imperial Rome , they were all alike in the matter of wheel spacing. Therefore the United States standard railroad gauge of 4 feet, 8.5 inches is derived from the original specifications for an Imperial Roman war chariot. Bureaucracies live forever.

So the next time you are handed a specification/procedure/process and wonder 'What horse's ass came up with this?' , you may be exactly right. Imperial Roman army chariots were made just wide enough to accommodate the rear ends of two war horses. (Two horses' asses.)
Now, the twist to the story:

When you see a Space Shuttle sitting on its launch pad, there are two big booster rockets attached to the sides of the main fuel tank. These are solid rocket boosters, or SRBs. The SRBs are made by Thiokol at their factory in Utah
The engineers who designed the SRBs would have preferred to make them a bit fatter, but the SRBs had to be shipped by train from the factory to the launch site. The railroad line from the factory happens to run through a tunnel in the mountains, and the SRBs had to fit through that tunnel. The tunnel is slightly wider than the railroad track, and the railroad track, as you now know, is about as wide as two horses' behinds.

So, a major Space Shuttle design feature of what is arguably the world's most advanced transportation system was determined over two thousand years ago by the width of a horse's ass. And you thought being a horse's ass wasn't important? Ancient horse's asses control almost everything... and
CURRENT Horses Asses in Washington are controlling everything else

[Rainbow Island]

Originally Posted by flyingscotsman

Railroad tracks.
The US standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches. That's an exceedingly odd number.

Why was that gauge used? Because that's the way they built them in England , and English expatriates designed the US railroads.

Why did the English build them like that? Because the first rail lines were built by the same people who built the pre-railroad tramways, and that's the gauge they used.

Why did 'they' use that gauge then? Because the people who built the tramways used the same **** and tools that they had used for building wagons, which used that wheel spacing.
Why did the wagons have that particular odd wheel spacing? Well, if they tried to use any other spacing, the wagon wheels would break on some of the old, long distance roads in England , because that's the spacing of the wheel ruts.
So who built those old rutted roads? Imperial Rome built the first long distance roads in Europe (including England ) for their legions. Those roads have been used ever since.

And the ruts in the roads? Roman war chariots formed the initial ruts, which everyone else had to match for fear of destroying their wagon wheels.
Since the chariots were made for Imperial Rome , they were all alike in the matter of wheel spacing. Therefore the United States standard railroad gauge of 4 feet, 8.5 inches is derived from the original specifications for an Imperial Roman war chariot. Bureaucracies live forever.

So the next time you are handed a specification/procedure/process and wonder 'What horse's ass came up with this?' , you may be exactly right. Imperial Roman army chariots were made just wide enough to accommodate the rear ends of two war horses. (Two horses' asses.)
Now, the twist to the story:

When you see a Space Shuttle sitting on its launch pad, there are two big booster rockets attached to the sides of the main fuel tank. These are solid rocket boosters, or SRBs. The SRBs are made by Thiokol at their factory in Utah
The engineers who designed the SRBs would have preferred to make them a bit fatter, but the SRBs had to be shipped by train from the factory to the launch site. The railroad line from the factory happens to run through a tunnel in the mountains, and the SRBs had to fit through that tunnel. The tunnel is slightly wider than the railroad track, and the railroad track, as you now know, is about as wide as two horses' behinds.

So, a major Space Shuttle design feature of what is arguably the world's most advanced transportation system was determined over two thousand years ago by the width of a horse's ass. And you thought being a horse's ass wasn't important? Ancient horse's asses control almost everything... and
CURRENT Horses Asses in Washington are controlling everything else

lol ! Love it !