[Rainbow Island]

My income tax was sent back, AGAIN! In response to the question: "Do you have any dependents ?"

I replied "12 million illegal immigrants, 3 million crack heads, 42 million unemployable people, 2 million people in over 243 prisons, and 435 idiots in the U.S. House and Senate.

Apparently , this was NOT an acceptable answer.

[Rainbow Island]

As we "older" folks know, sometimes we have trouble with our computers.

I had a problem yesterday, so I called Eric, the 11 year old next door, whose bedroom looks like Mission Control and asked him to come over.
Eric clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.
As he was walking away, I called after him, 'So, what was wrong ?
He replied, 'It was an ID ten T error.'
I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless enquired,
'An, ID ten T error ? What's that? In case I need to fix it again.'
Eric grinned....'Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before ?
'No,' I replied.
'Write it down,' he said, 'and I think you'll figure it out.'

So I wrote down:


ID10T


I used to like Eric, the little son-of-a....

[Rainbow Island]

Two Minnesotans are sitting in a boat.

So Ole asks Sven, "Vhy do der scuba divers always fall backwards off
'der boats?"



To which Sven replies,"Vell, you know, if they fell forwards, they'd still be in da boat!"

[Rainbow Island]

House of -'ill repute'.


See if you can work this out: -

There was a brothel at the top of a hill, with a large red light at the bottom of the hill..


There were four men ....

one was walking briskly up the hill;
one was inside the brothel;
one was walking slowly down the hill and
the fourth man was sitting in his car - at the bottom of the hill


What were the Nationalities of the four men?


* The man going up the hill- was 'rushin'.
'


* The man in the brothel: 'him-a-layin'.



* The man walking down the hill: was - 'finish'.

[Rainbow Island]

A real woman is a man's best friend.
She will never stand him up and never let him down.
She will reassure him when he feels insecure and
comfort him after a bad day.
She will inspire him to do things he never thought he could do;
to live without fear and forget regret.
She will enable him to express his deepest emotions and
give in to his most intimate desires.
She will make sure he always feels as though he's the most handsome man in the room
and will enable him to be the most confident,
sexy, seductive and invincible...

No wait...SORRY.

I'm thinking of whiskey. It's whiskey that does all that stuff.

Never mind.......

[Rainbow Island]

A man and his young wife were in divorce court, but the custody of their children posed a problem.

The mother leaped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them.

The man also wanted custody of his children, so the judge asked for his justification.

After a long silence, the man slowly rose from his chair and replied...

"Your Honor, when I put a dollar in a vending machine and a Coke comes out, does the Coke belong to me or the machine?"

[Rainbow Island]

Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a party...
After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room. Those who remained talked about their kids.
The first guy said, 'My son is my pride and joy. He started working at a successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics and Business Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder and now he's the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday.'
The second guy said, 'Darn, that's terrific! My son is also my pride and joy. He started working for a big airline, then went to flight school to become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the company, where he owns the majority of its assets. He's so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday.'
The third man said: 'Well, that's terrific! My son studied in the best universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own construction company and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave away something very nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday: A 30,000 square foot mansion.'
The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth returned from the restroom and asked: 'What are all the congratulations for?' One of the three said: 'We were talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons... What about your son?'
The fourth man replied: 'My son is gay and makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub.' The three friends said: 'What a shame... What a disappointment.'
The fourth man replied: 'No, I'm not ashamed. He's my son and I love him. And he hasn't done too bad either. His birthday was two weeks ago, and he received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and a top of the line Mercedes from his three boyfriends.'

[Rainbow Island]

After being married for thirty years....a wife asked her husband to describe her.

He looked at her slowly...then said, "You're A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K."

She asked, "What does that mean?"

He said, "Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous, Hot."

She smiled happily and said...."Oh, that's so lovely.....What about I, J, K?"

He said, "I'm Just Kidding!"

[Rainbow Island]

The wife and I were at home watching TV.
I had the remote and was switching back and forth between a
fishing channel and the porn channel.
She became more and more annoyed and finally said:
"For God's sake! Leave it on the porn channel!
You already know how to fish!"

[Rainbow Island]

This amazing math quiz can likely predict which of 17 movies you would enjoy
the most. It really works..... for MOST of us anyway!

Movie Test:
1. Pick a number from 1-9.
2. Multiply by 3.
3. Add 3.
4. Multiply by 3 again..
5. Now add the two digits of your answer together to find your predicted
favorite movie in the list of 17 movies below:

Movie List:
1. Gone With The Wind
2. E.T.
3. Blazing Saddles
4. Star Wars
5. Forrest Gump
6. The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly
7. Jaws
8. Grease
9. The Obama farewell speech of 2012
10. Casablanca
11. Jurassic Park
12. Shrek
13. Pirates of the Caribbean
14. Titanic
15. Raiders of the Lost Ark
16. Home Alone
17. Mrs. Doubtfire


Now, ain't that something..?