Going to the Philippines to meet a woman. (life, country, safe)
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Ok, here's the deal. I've thinking about going to the Philippines to meet a girl. I know what the deal is, she like many others want to marry a western guy to live a better life she may be desperate. I'm fully aware of this, and after much thought I really don't mind. I'm not that old (33 ) and I'm a decent looking guy so there's a possibility that she might actually be somewhat attracted to me.
I'm tired of the attitude of the average American woman and I'm thinking about giving this a shot. The way I look at it is if we get married I'll have her sign a prenup that way I can't get taken to the cleaners. So if she divorces me that's fine as long as I don't get screwed.
I'm thinking about flying over there to meet this girl I've been corresponding with online. She lives in Davao City and I'm would like some tips to anyone that has experience with this. How to play this safe and not put myself in harms way. I've never been to the Philippines so I need some guidance.
I want to meet her and spend some time with her and see how she is. I'm not going to get married right away but if I do can we get married over there or does it have to be in the states? Once married is she allowed to live in the US?
Ok, here's the deal. I've thinking about going to the Philippines to meet a girl. I know what the deal is, she like many others want to marry a western guy to live a better life she may be desperate. I'm fully aware of this, and after much thought I really don't mind. I'm not that old (33 ) and I'm a decent looking guy so there's a possibility that she might actually be somewhat attracted to me.
I'm tired of the attitude of the average American woman and I'm thinking about giving this a shot. The way I look at it is if we get married I'll have her sign a prenup that way I can't get taken to the cleaners. So if she divorces me that's fine as long as I don't get screwed.
I'm thinking about flying over there to meet this girl I've been corresponding with online. She lives in Davao City and I'm would like some tips to anyone that has experience with this. How to play this safe and not put myself in harms way. I've never been to the Philippines so I need some guidance.
I want to meet her and spend some time with her and see how she is. I'm not going to get married right away but if I do can we get married over there or does it have to be in the states? Once married is she allowed to live in the US?
Info would be greatly appreciated.
I have been married to a lady from the Philippines for 18 years and live part of the year in the Philippines and the rest in the US. I know of many happily married people in the same situation but you will get out of it what you put into it. In other words it might be hard to not cheat while in the Philippines since many ladies will flirt with you, but if you are not a butterfly and stay with just her and treat her well and if she goes into the relationship for the right reasons and not just to find a meal ticket but that may still be part of it, then she will probably stay with you for life.
You can get married over there but it will require original copies of all things such as birth certificates, divorce certificates and then religion may come into play if she wishes to get married in a church, so baptismal etc and you will have to take classes before you can marry.
You can also bring her back to the states quicker on a fiancee visa than on a marriage visa, but it will still take 6 months to a year to accomplish a visa to bring her back and you will need to prove 125% income of the current poverty level in order to be able to bring her back or have cosponsors such as family members because you will need to sign documents of support in order to be approved and prove your income with current tax returns. Assets will usually be taken into account but then she would know exactly what you have.
My advice would be to never discuss how much you have or what you have until such time as you need her to sign that prenuptial.
Go over, live there for a year or so and then if you can qualify for the income requirement then file papers and wait for it to be approved while living with her in the Philippines and then bring her back to the states with you or leave her there and go back and file the papers and wait for her, doing the later IMO is not a good idea but sometimes we all have to do what we have to do.
The Philippines is a developing nation, so unless you have been to some developing nations or third world countries before, there will probably be some culture shock, so be forewarned. Life there is not the US but Davao City is pretty modern and safe for the most part but Davao is a large area and much of it is not modern, also it is still in Mindanao and some parts of Mindanao in and around the ARMM are not safe places to go for most foreigners IMO, so my advice would be to stay away from that part of Mindanao. I have traveled about one third of Mindanao including Davao and I have never had a problem but I stay out of the ARMM.
My next advice would be to not marry a very young lady. while this does not apply to you, I see 80 year old guys walking around the malls with 18 year old girls, so while they are probably having the time of their lives, how mature would someone that young be. Mid 20's to 30's would be good in my opinion and someone who has a job would be another plus and then someone who has had a bank account would be a big plus but I read few use banks in the Philippines. Once a lady reaches 30 then they are called off the calendar and old maids and have very little chance of finding a husband, so the culture there is very different, so keep that in mind when dating as to her possible mindset.
Age difference usually does not matter much over there but a child is still a child IMO, sorry to any lady here reading this but the Philippines is not a first world country and the ladies there most often lead a sheltered life when compared to ladies in the US and I have yet to find an 18 year old even in the US that I would have found compatible when I was in my 30's.
DO NOT wear expensive items because we stand out enough as it is, so a fancy watch or gold chain could get you killed in a country where people may be making only a dollar to a few dollars a day. If someone does demand your items/money better to give it than die since illegal guns are all over the place.
Hope some of that helps and feel free to ask more direct questions and I will try to address them when I have time.
mr. lee is spot on when he says you should go spend a lot of time in the philippines before you take the plunge. whatever you do, don't rush into this. don't propose after meeting her on a couple 3 week trips or something stupid like that.
my advice: don't go to the philippines PERIOD if you're primary goal is to get married. i see so many westerners who are rushed to get married. why? the philippines is one of the funnest places in the world to be as a single western male. why would you possibly want to get married to the first girl you meet there before you even arrive? i mean wtf? WTF? i spend a few months per year partying it up there, see no need to ever get married. sure, the women are loving or whatever, but so what?
Ok, here's the deal. I've thinking about going to the Philippines to meet a girl. I know what the deal is, she like many others want to marry a western guy to live a better life she may be desperate. I'm fully aware of this, and after much thought I really don't mind. I'm not that old (33 ) and I'm a decent looking guy so there's a possibility that she might actually be somewhat attracted to me.
I'm tired of the attitude of the average American woman and I'm thinking about giving this a shot. The way I look at it is if we get married I'll have her sign a prenup that way I can't get taken to the cleaners. So if she divorces me that's fine as long as I don't get screwed.
I'm thinking about flying over there to meet this girl I've been corresponding with online. She lives in Davao City and I'm would like some tips to anyone that has experience with this. How to play this safe and not put myself in harms way. I've never been to the Philippines so I need some guidance.
I want to meet her and spend some time with her and see how she is. I'm not going to get married right away but if I do can we get married over there or does it have to be in the states? Once married is she allowed to live in the US?
Info would be greatly appreciated.
33. You are going to be told constantly how young you are. Regarding attraction, they'll be attracted. Most Filipinas absolutely love foreign men. You could be much much older, with no hair, and never had taken care of your body, and they'll still be attracted to you. Personally I think it's not only economical, but they just really believe that any guy with white skin is going to give them absolutely beautiful babies. Plus, once you get familiar with Filipino TV...you'll see that the mass majority of all the Filipino tv personalies are always half something that isn't Filipino. So it taps right into those fantasies of having a potential celebrity baby as well. The women love kids.
I always got a kick out of walking around some of the malls, ESPECIALLY the Cebu malls. Cebu is the #1 most comfortable city for foreign expats who marry Filipinas. You go through the malls and you'll see dozens and dozens of 'second lifers' - guys who look like they've been life in a major way, got into the ages of 60s, 70s, etc....somehow moved to the Philippines, met a Filipina, and suddenly, no doubt with great influence/pushing from the Filipina spouse, to have kids...even at their old age like that. So you'll constantly watch them tromping around the malls with a couple kids in tow, during their golden years.
Regarding your potential marriage. Filipinas are generally quite loyal and faithful. Many of them are actually seriously seeking love with a foreigner, in a very fantasy dream like way. Like really dreaming and seeing a prince coming to rescue despite any and all major glowing flaws the guy may have.
That being said, if you have ANY RESERVATIONS whatsoever with this particular one you've become smitten with, than certainly don't risk deeper involvement with the one. While there are some great ones, there are also some not so good ones. If you go to the malls anywhere in the Philippines, you'll see multitudes and multitudes of filipinas online chatting up potential guys all around the world. You'll see their computer screens with 5-7 people at a time...and they'll be saying 'I love you' to all of them, while giving out their phone numbers. Some of them even ask for money, etc. If you get any sense of something like that, be really wary with the one you're finding yourself falling in love with. I'm not saying yours is one of those girls, but that that element certainly exists there. Many also chat online though, and are serously looking for true love, and will be faithful as well though. Just think about it, while you are there visiting her.
Additionally, while you seem smitten with one in particular that you've never met in person. Take in mind, that in the Philippines, if you do visit, you'll be extremely desireable by many of the Filipina population. I've been approached by Fathers asking me to meet their daughters. I've had an immigration official try to play matchmaker with me. I've certainly got plenty of eye contact and flirtation on an extremely regular basis. Being that you're only 33, you're going to get a ton of it. They are more use to guys visiting their country who are in the 60+ age range.
Additionally, I saw the one you are interested in lives in Davao. That's actually great, because few foreigners go to Davao or Mindinao. Ironically Davao has always felt a million times safer than Manila/Luzon, but Filipinos in Manila/Luzon will always be afraid of people from Mindinao, and assume it's much more dangerous down there. In short, most of people from Davao/Mindinao seem to be absolutely sweethearts. Just based on her location alone, I'd say you have a potential lifer - a really good ones.
If you ever meet an online girl from say Angeles City, you better stay clear. It's essentially a city of prostitution. There is desperation to many Filipinas, but the ones that tap regularly into prostitution have generally crossed another line, in my opinion, although they'll initially come across very sweet in that typical Filipina way. That being said, there are millions and millions of extremely hardworking Filipinas just doing their non-prostitution jobs, and working hard at it, who make ends meet, without resorting to such measures. So, if you meet one that seems to think prostition was her only option, take in mind there are plenty in similar conditions who don't think that way and make other choices. However, it's been really rare that I've heard of Filipinas from Mindinao/Davao who ever have that Angeles kind of mindset.
Marriage questions. Yeah, if you marry her, she's allowed to live in the U.S. You'll have to go through paperwork and time.
mr. lee is spot on when he says you should go spend a lot of time in the philippines before you take the plunge. whatever you do, don't rush into this. don't propose after meeting her on a couple 3 week trips or something stupid like that.
my advice: don't go to the philippines PERIOD if you're primary goal is to get married. i see so many westerners who are rushed to get married. why? the philippines is one of the funnest places in the world to be as a single western male. why would you possibly want to get married to the first girl you meet there before you even arrive? i mean wtf? WTF? i spend a few months per year partying it up there, see no need to ever get married. sure, the women are loving or whatever, but so what?
I'm going to STRONGLY AGREE with this as well.
Especially since the OP is only 33. Definitely don't rush it, or go in meeting her with a strong intention of marriage right away.
Whatever amazing characteristics you're seeing with one online, is going to be fairly typical of the entire female population of the Philippines. Nothing is wrong with marrying a Filipina, but just don't marry the first one you meet.
STORY:
It's kind of like winning a lottery for a free car. One free car, from anywhere in the parking lot. So you go to the world's largest car lot, and you choose the very first car that you see. If you think that through, you'll realize you probably shouldn't commit to immediately marrying the very first Filipina you meet. Especially at this car lot, where there are unlimited free test drives on the mass majority of all models available.
I have been married to a lady from the Philippines for 18 years and live part of the year in the Philippines and the rest in the US. I know of many happily married people in the same situation but you will get out of it what you put into it. In other words it might be hard to not cheat while in the Philippines since many ladies will flirt with you, but if you are not a butterfly and stay with just her and treat her well and if she goes into the relationship for the right reasons and not just to find a meal ticket but that may still be part of it, then she will probably stay with you for life.
You can get married over there but it will require original copies of all things such as birth certificates, divorce certificates and then religion may come into play if she wishes to get married in a church, so baptismal etc and you will have to take classes before you can marry.
You can also bring her back to the states quicker on a fiancee visa than on a marriage visa, but it will still take 6 months to a year to accomplish a visa to bring her back and you will need to prove 125% income of the current poverty level in order to be able to bring her back or have cosponsors such as family members because you will need to sign documents of support in order to be approved and prove your income with current tax returns. Assets will usually be taken into account but then she would know exactly what you have.
My advice would be to never discuss how much you have or what you have until such time as you need her to sign that prenuptial.
Go over, live there for a year or so and then if you can qualify for the income requirement then file papers and wait for it to be approved while living with her in the Philippines and then bring her back to the states with you or leave her there and go back and file the papers and wait for her, doing the later IMO is not a good idea but sometimes we all have to do what we have to do.
The Philippines is a developing nation, so unless you have been to some developing nations or third world countries before, there will probably be some culture shock, so be forewarned. Life there is not the US but Davao City is pretty modern and safe for the most part but Davao is a large area and much of it is not modern, also it is still in Mindanao and some parts of Mindanao in and around the ARMM are not safe places to go for most foreigners IMO, so my advice would be to stay away from that part of Mindanao. I have traveled about one third of Mindanao including Davao and I have never had a problem but I stay out of the ARMM.
My next advice would be to not marry a very young lady. while this does not apply to you, I see 80 year old guys walking around the malls with 18 year old girls, so while they are probably having the time of their lives, how mature would someone that young be. Mid 20's to 30's would be good in my opinion and someone who has a job would be another plus and then someone who has had a bank account would be a big plus but I read few use banks in the Philippines. Once a lady reaches 30 then they are called off the calendar and old maids and have very little chance of finding a husband, so the culture there is very different, so keep that in mind when dating as to her possible mindset.
Age difference usually does not matter much over there but a child is still a child IMO, sorry to any lady here reading this but the Philippines is not a first world country and the ladies there most often lead a sheltered life when compared to ladies in the US and I have yet to find an 18 year old even in the US that I would have found compatible when I was in my 30's.
DO NOT wear expensive items because we stand out enough as it is, so a fancy watch or gold chain could get you killed in a country where people may be making only a dollar to a few dollars a day. If someone does demand your items/money better to give it than die since illegal guns are all over the place.
Hope some of that helps and feel free to ask more direct questions and I will try to address them when I have time.
Lot's of good info but I'm a little confused. So if I understand correctly the easiest way would for me to bring my docs over there, marry over there and then I can bring her back? Otherwise have her apply for a marriage visa and wait 6 months to a year and then she can come over here and we can marry here?
I'm a little confused on the proving 125% poverty level thing, my income or hers? I appreciate the help. Oh and I forgot to mention she's 27 and I'm pretty sure she has a job, so it's looking pretty good.
Last edited by Lost Leaf; 09-08-2012 at 06:12 PM..
Especially since the OP is only 33. Definitely don't rush it, or go in meeting her with a strong intention of marriage right away.
Whatever amazing characteristics you're seeing with one online, is going to be fairly typical of the entire female population of the Philippines. Nothing is wrong with marrying a Filipina, but just don't marry the first one you meet.
STORY:
It's kind of like winning a lottery for a free car. One free car, from anywhere in the parking lot. So you go to the world's largest car lot, and you choose the very first car that you see. If you think that through, you'll realize you probably shouldn't commit to immediately marrying the very first Filipina you meet. Especially at this car lot, where there are unlimited free test drives on the mass majority of all models available.
I understand the only reason for marriage is because I want to have her live with me in the US. Any possible way she could live with me for a while without getting married first?
I know what you mean about playing the field but I've been doing that for a long time and honestly I'm getting a little tired of it. I just want to have a steady wife or at least steady girlfriend to do stuff with. I'm just trying to think of what kind of ways that I can "vett" this girl to know if she's mostly genuine other than the obvious reasons.
I understand the only reason for marriage is because I want to have her live with me in the US. Any possible way she could live with me for a while without getting married first?
I know what you mean about playing the field but I've been doing that for a long time and honestly I'm getting a little tired of it. I just want to have a steady wife or at least steady girlfriend to do stuff with. I'm just trying to think of what kind of ways that I can "vett" this girl to know if she's mostly genuine other than the obvious reasons.
No quick ways to "vett" a potential life partner. Even more difficult when it's an international marriage. You'll have to sift through cultural differences, language, etc. Granted Filipinos speak English, but I've generally noticed a STRONG preference for any group of two or three otherwise english-speaking Filipinas to ALWAYS speak in the Filipino language together despite the American sitting within their party/group. So, it's difficult to get a sense of the person outside of that 1-on-1 scenario of dealing with each other, as you'll probably never hear her use English outside of talking to you. In short, you'll have a very long road ahead of you figuring it out, even when you're with her in the Philippines.
No quick ways to "vett" a potential life partner. Even more difficult when it's an international marriage. You'll have to sift through cultural differences, language, etc. Granted Filipinos speak English, but I've generally noticed a STRONG preference for any group of two or three otherwise english-speaking Filipinas to ALWAYS speak in the Filipino language together despite the American sitting within their party/group. So, it's difficult to get a sense of the person outside of that 1-on-1 scenario of dealing with each other, as you'll probably never hear her use English outside of talking to you. In short, you'll have a very long road ahead of you of trying to figure it out, even when you're with her in the Philippines.
Yes, I will look into the Fiance visa, I know what you mean about her speaking Tagalog amongst other filipina's. Maybe I can try and learn some of the language just to catch a few basic phrases.
Okay, I just skimmed through it for a bit and it says that once completing the visa she can live with me for 90 days and at that point we must get married.
This sounds good to me, because 90 days should give me enough time to see what she's really like. So I'm thinking if I don't feel right about her after 90 days then I can cancel marriage plans and send her back. Does that sound about right?
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