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I thought men in the U.S. had it bad with alimony, child support, and a 50/50 split of assets in a divorce, but at least we don't have to pay anything upfront.
I thought men in the U.S. had it bad with alimony, child support, and a 50/50 split of assets in a divorce, but at least we don't have to pay anything upfront.
Still have to at least have a decent job, and the ability to at least afford a 1 bedroom apartment to rent in a safe area. That in itself is very hard to do at many cities since rents are high. Even small towns is hard, lack of good paying jobs will not make any guy afford to rent a 1 br apartment.
No women would want to live in a dangerous area and raise kids, and having to hire a babysitter.
Can you imagine if that guy actually paid 1 million rmb to get a wife, and they get a divorce? I'm sure the women's side will not return that amount of money. I'm sure many men who is getting a divorce in china know how much he is losing and once divorce is over, they are now older and will need even more Cai li to get another wife. If the women asks for the divorce and gets it, there's probably nothing the guy can do. I hear a lot of divorces from friends of friends and family in china.
Yes, that's a serious issue now, too. Guys who check all the boxes and pay all the fees, and still end up getting divorced. In some cases, families saved up for an entire generation to get the money and housing for the guy to marry, so a second do-over isn't an option. Sometimes, they end up with a woman who's divorced and also possibly has a kid, and if they can shelve the loss of face and societal scorn, maybe they can find actual happiness, or at least tranquility.
It is unfortunately something that Chinese guys (or, sometimes, foreign guys married to women in China) hear now: "don't make me angry, or I will leave and find some rich, younger guy." Unthinkable a few years ago, but a serious thing now. If the guy who was pursuing my wife hadn't gotten married, at this point, and was still hung up on her, it's entirely possible he would still pay money to the family and deal with the common local knowledge that she had been married to a laowai and had a mixed kid, since that's what you would have to do regardless. Contrast this with the situation an attractive female friend back in China went through circa 2014-ish, where she had dated a foreign guy in college, who later dumped her to move back home, and couldn't find a Chinese boyfriend after they found out about her past. She had to stick to the foreign dating scene as a result.
There goes that old saying : "Marriage is like a beseiged fortress. Those on the outside are trying to get in. Those on the inside are trying to get out." It's now a bank vault... and multiple parties walking off with the loot.
The thing is this... in rural China, fixed marriages were normal. Not sure how much of that is common nowadays.
Parents would talk to another parent and arrange for their kids to get married. Depending on the dynamics of the family, I suspect the woman has very little choice. If the man is well off, would provide well for her and they can pop out offspring, that's all that mattered.
So if women have the power to divorce (it's maybe more acceptable than before), then I imagine being stuck with a d-bag of a hubby they would use it as a threat.
Can you imagine getting married to somebody you don't like (let alone don't love) and being stuck in a marriage that makes you miserable?
BTW traditional Chinese values tend to be quite misogynistic. So maybe modern Chinese women realize that they deserve better and will divorce a man if they get too neanderthal.
back in the old days,the matchmaker comes and suggest so and so to the parents and the girl will hide behind the curtain and eavedrop.
There were no bars or social dating to meet opposite sex,the best is to meet him in public with adults present.
Couple would not know much of each other until the wedding night and afterwards.
Life back then is not so complex.
There goes that old saying : "Marriage is like a beseiged fortress. Those on the outside are trying to get in. Those on the inside are trying to get out." It's now a bank vault... and multiple parties walking off with the loot.
Men in Western countries are getting pre nups and weighing what if a divorce happens. In china I'm not sure if men think like, oh what if she divorces me and I lose all the money spend on wedding, gifts, and Cai li. But then again they have huge pressure to carry on the last name since they are only sons, so they might just be happy to get married.
Many times the money for cai li, guys parents are throwing away their future for their sons, if they spend 500k +, what if they get sick? This is very risky if a divorce happens.
I live in Greater Vancouver where there are a lot of Chinese mainlanders. Their number has surpassed those previously from HK and Taiwan.
From what I see here, most couples described their marriages as "Lou hun", naked nuptials. That is, no batter cash was given.
In a few cases where the brides eventually ended up in body bags, those poor girls were literally from poor or poorer families, and their killers have wealthy parents.
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