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Hey, my husband and all his family are from Manchester.
What do you mean by 'funny accent'?
I meant "funny" in a good way. Yeah, yeah, that's it.
My Manchester ancestors (that kinda rhymes!) came to Paterson, NJ, in 1863 to work in the silk mills. The cotton mills in Manchester were closing because of the war and Southern cotton not making it to England. Hey, maybe your husband I are related!
My last name is a fairly common English name that everyone here would know. As a matter of fact, my first name is a fairly common name given to baby girls in the late 1950s/early 1960s, so when I search on my own name, hundreds of me come up!
Maybe somebody can help me with this. Been days I've been trying to shake this bit of the blues. My wife telling me I need to let it go already, but no doubt I'm having trouble shaking the thoughts that keep haunting me about this. How and why I had to miss the funeral service of a very close friend of mine last Saturday...
Rekindled again after reading all the news this morning, about; the ongoing protests, unemployment numbers improving, stock market going right back up, great day for Floyd too according to Trump. All of a sudden people in large numbers congregating together as if the pandemic was so yesterday while new cases of Coronavirus continue to mount. Still all manner of evidence the pandemic fears are subsiding. Including the lifting of restrictions across the country. All according to some, over blown from the beginning. Including my friend and apparently the 200 others who attended the funeral service. In Southern California mind you...
Who should be embarrassed?
I'm beginning to feel that maybe I should be embarrassed as I am still trying to shake the sting about missing the funeral service. Due to the shelter-in-place restrictions (including the travel restrictions) while his family and friends gathered 200 strong as if there was no pandemic concerns for them. "The odds of contracting the virus slim-to-none for all practical purposes and more a concern for the elderly or 'at risk' folks my friend told me." I tried to explain I didn't miss the service out of concern for myself, but the fact remains that 200 others including other good friends of mine (ours) also attended. Leaving me a very odd man out when everyone knows I was one of the closest to the deceased of them all.
Was I then and are we here still over-reacting? I live in an area where people are very conscious and abiding by the shelter-in-place restrictions. My friend lives in something of a "Trump pocket" where their attitude and response to the pandemic has been almost the opposite. Very hard to reconcile and no matter that I have my reasons, the fact that I am such an exception in my friend's circle of our mutual friends is very hard on me. He told me he doesn't know one person who declined going to the service due to concerns about getting or spreading the virus. Gracious though he certainly was to let me know he understood where I was coming from. But really?
Still very hard for me to believe or get over, but "believe it or not..." and may I get over it sooner rather than later...
It sounds as if you went with your gut, which is rarely the wrong decision. Your presence there would have been for other people, not for your friend. You are mourning the loss of someone close to you. Give yourself the room to do that. The only thing you are missing is not being able to share the grieving with others, but don't give them space in your head that isn't necessary.
I would not have attended, either. I'm not so sure this is "over". I hope it is, but erring on the side of caution seems like a good idea. "Oops, I was wrong" could be fatal.
It sounds as if you went with your gut, which is rarely the wrong decision. Your presence there would have been for other people, not for your friend. You are mourning the loss of someone close to you. Give yourself the room to do that. The only thing you are missing is not being able to share the grieving with others, but don't give them space in your head that isn't necessary.
I would not have attended, either. I'm not so sure this is "over". I hope it is, but erring on the side of caution seems like a good idea. "Oops, I was wrong" could be fatal.
Thanks, as I've got to sign off now. I'm trying to do along the lines you suggest, but actually...
Though I was very close to my friend's father who just passed away, it is also much about being there to share the time and memories with my close friend if not closest friend going back to high school. He like another friend of ours who was also there at the service are like brothers to me. Lots of other friends and family were there as well. People who I am also very close to. So being that odd man out, for reasons not as well respected by those who attended anyway, is very hard for me. Very frustrating, given this apparent dichotomy of how some people, fellow Americans, understand what is going on around us very differently from other Americans.
Thanks for the help either way. I'll take your advice along with my wife's who continues to suggest I get over it already. Even if I had convinced myself it was okay or appropriate to go, there was my wife I would need to convince as well. That, I knew, was not going to happen...
Maybe somebody can help me with this. Been days I've been trying to shake this bit of the blues. My wife telling me I need to let it go already, but no doubt I'm having trouble shaking the thoughts that keep haunting me about this. How and why I had to miss the funeral service of a very close friend of mine last Saturday...
Rekindled again after reading all the news this morning, about; the ongoing protests, unemployment numbers improving, stock market going right back up, great day for Floyd too according to Trump. All of a sudden people in large numbers congregating together as if the pandemic was so yesterday while new cases of Coronavirus continue to mount. Still all manner of evidence the pandemic fears are subsiding. Including the lifting of restrictions across the country. All according to some, over blown from the beginning. Including my friend and apparently the 200 others who attended the funeral service. In Southern California mind you...
Who should be embarrassed?
I'm beginning to feel that maybe I should be embarrassed as I am still trying to shake the sting about missing the funeral service. Due to the shelter-in-place restrictions (including the travel restrictions) while his family and friends gathered 200 strong as if there was no pandemic concerns for them. "The odds of contracting the virus slim-to-none for all practical purposes and more a concern for the elderly or 'at risk' folks my friend told me." I tried to explain I didn't miss the service out of concern for myself, but the fact remains that 200 others including other good friends of mine (ours) also attended. Leaving me a very odd man out when everyone knows I was one of the closest to the deceased of them all.
Was I then and are we here still over-reacting? I live in an area where people are very conscious and abiding by the shelter-in-place restrictions. My friend lives in something of a "Trump pocket" where their attitude and response to the pandemic has been almost the opposite. Very hard to reconcile and no matter that I have my reasons, the fact that I am such an exception in my friend's circle of our mutual friends is very hard on me. He told me he doesn't know one person who declined going to the service due to concerns about getting or spreading the virus. Gracious though he certainly was to let me know he understood where I was coming from. But really?
Still very hard for me to believe or get over, but "believe it or not..." and may I get over it sooner rather than later...
My niece died a few weeks ago, or a month now. My brother planned to hold a c service for her this summer but it has now been months. She was only 22 severely physically and mentally handicapped and non verbal. I also in February reluctantly attended an out of town service for my wife's aunt which resulted in us staying with family for three days. I didn't think going thete was worth the risk and still think my wife was wrong in insisting. Now when she comments about people not s9cial distancing I remind her of that.
I think you made the best decision. Not the right or wrong but the best one. How would you have felt if you went , got infected and spread it to others who required hospital stay and they in turn infected a nurse who then died.
Maybe somebody can help me with this. Been days I've been trying to shake this bit of the blues. My wife telling me I need to let it go already, but no doubt I'm having trouble shaking the thoughts that keep haunting me about this. How and why I had to miss the funeral service of a very close friend of mine last Saturday...
Rekindled again after reading all the news this morning, about; the ongoing protests, unemployment numbers improving, stock market going right back up, great day for Floyd too according to Trump. All of a sudden people in large numbers congregating together as if the pandemic was so yesterday while new cases of Coronavirus continue to mount. Still all manner of evidence the pandemic fears are subsiding. Including the lifting of restrictions across the country. All according to some, over blown from the beginning. Including my friend and apparently the 200 others who attended the funeral service. In Southern California mind you...
Who should be embarrassed?
I'm beginning to feel that maybe I should be embarrassed as I am still trying to shake the sting about missing the funeral service. Due to the shelter-in-place restrictions (including the travel restrictions) while his family and friends gathered 200 strong as if there was no pandemic concerns for them. "The odds of contracting the virus slim-to-none for all practical purposes and more a concern for the elderly or 'at risk' folks my friend told me." I tried to explain I didn't miss the service out of concern for myself, but the fact remains that 200 others including other good friends of mine (ours) also attended. Leaving me a very odd man out when everyone knows I was one of the closest to the deceased of them all.
Was I then and are we here still over-reacting? I live in an area where people are very conscious and abiding by the shelter-in-place restrictions. My friend lives in something of a "Trump pocket" where their attitude and response to the pandemic has been almost the opposite. Very hard to reconcile and no matter that I have my reasons, the fact that I am such an exception in my friend's circle of our mutual friends is very hard on me. He told me he doesn't know one person who declined going to the service due to concerns about getting or spreading the virus. Gracious though he certainly was to let me know he understood where I was coming from. But really?
Still very hard for me to believe or get over, but "believe it or not..." and may I get over it sooner rather than later...
I am embarrassed that three people stood around and let the cop do that. I embarrassed that people's honest protest turned into looting and vandalism. I am embarrassed that we are letting our secondary schools tank by not holding bad parents more responsible.
but if you need one. missing that funeral didn't mean squat. I told my family we are now a black lives matter home. My son asked me why? I said three other cops stood around and let that dude do that. We are not like them."
We will not "just let people by" that share the same beliefs we do. We will ask what they are doing.
Maybe somebody can help me with this. Been days I've been trying to shake this bit of the blues. My wife telling me I need to let it go already, but no doubt I'm having trouble shaking the thoughts that keep haunting me about this. How and why I had to miss the funeral service of a very close friend of mine last Saturday...
Rekindled again after reading all the news this morning, about; the ongoing protests, unemployment numbers improving, stock market going right back up, great day for Floyd too according to Trump. All of a sudden people in large numbers congregating together as if the pandemic was so yesterday while new cases of Coronavirus continue to mount. Still all manner of evidence the pandemic fears are subsiding. Including the lifting of restrictions across the country. All according to some, over blown from the beginning. Including my friend and apparently the 200 others who attended the funeral service. In Southern California mind you...
Who should be embarrassed?
I'm beginning to feel that maybe I should be embarrassed as I am still trying to shake the sting about missing the funeral service. Due to the shelter-in-place restrictions (including the travel restrictions) while his family and friends gathered 200 strong as if there was no pandemic concerns for them. "The odds of contracting the virus slim-to-none for all practical purposes and more a concern for the elderly or 'at risk' folks my friend told me." I tried to explain I didn't miss the service out of concern for myself, but the fact remains that 200 others including other good friends of mine (ours) also attended. Leaving me a very odd man out when everyone knows I was one of the closest to the deceased of them all.
Was I then and are we here still over-reacting? I live in an area where people are very conscious and abiding by the shelter-in-place restrictions. My friend lives in something of a "Trump pocket" where their attitude and response to the pandemic has been almost the opposite. Very hard to reconcile and no matter that I have my reasons, the fact that I am such an exception in my friend's circle of our mutual friends is very hard on me. He told me he doesn't know one person who declined going to the service due to concerns about getting or spreading the virus. Gracious though he certainly was to let me know he understood where I was coming from. But really?
Still very hard for me to believe or get over, but "believe it or not..." and may I get over it sooner rather than later...
At the beginning of the pandemic in March I had two decorator guys over to start painting the outside of my house. They were only two days into it when Cuomo announced some restrictions on construction. For their safety and my family and in line with restrictions, I sadly said they should stop work for now and I'd call them when restrictions lift.
Restrictions have lifted earlier this week. Sadly only one guy has returned. The other guy has passed away from the virus. He was 62.
My regular mailman - an older guys who has done the route for 25 years took three weeks off his route. I was worried what happened to him. Turned out one of the other mailmen passed from the virus, the next route over and he was advised to take time off for his own safety. From what I understand, his colleague that died was only in his 40's.
A worker in our local small supermarket passed from the virus.
My friends mother in the UK passed from the virus.
A dear British friend of mine here in NY, caught covid AND flu together on a trip back to the UK. She was hospitalized. She has recovered but she can no longer walk around the block without having to sit down halfway. Previously, she's the type of person you'd meet for coffee at 9am and she'd already had a game of tennis that morning. She's my age. Early 50's.
Another friend of mine in the UK was also severely ill from the virus for 2 months. It could have gone either way. Also around my age.
.
.
Don't over think this. You have to be concerned about your own safety. This virus can be brutal and there's no knowing who it will target.
And it's not just about your safety. You can carry the virus without knowing it and pass it onto others.
It does seem as if the summer weather has had a significant effect of reducing the spread, but the numbers in America as a whole are still on the rise. It's too early to throw caution to the wind.
I'm sorry, badlander, and Cruithne, that you both lost people. I already mentioned here at the time that my own mother died on March 28. She did not have the virus, but a few days before she died, a friend of hers died of pneumonia who was subsequently found to have COVID-19, and a few weeks after my mother died another friend of hers died of it. The two of them had been chatting on the phone when I was there in mid-March, and a few weeks later, my mother and her old friends I'd known since childhood were gone. My friend's father died after that from the virus, as did two former coworkers of mine, one only 54 years old.
Two of my sisters could not attend our mother's funeral because of travel restrictions, plus both were in their late 60s and have spouses in their 70s. We were limited to eight people anyway. In normal times, there would have been visitation, and the funeral home would have been full.
You're not the only person who has had to make this decision. It's just one more crappy side effect of this disease.
I'm sorry, badlander, and Cruithne, that you both lost people. I already mentioned here at the time that my own mother died on March 28. She did not have the virus, but a few days before she died, a friend of hers died of pneumonia who was subsequently found to have COVID-19, and a few weeks after my mother died another friend of hers died of it. The two of them had been chatting on the phone when I was there in mid-March, and a few weeks later, my mother and her old friends I'd known since childhood were gone. My friend's father died after that from the virus, as did two former coworkers of mine, one only 54 years old.
Two of my sisters could not attend our mother's funeral because of travel restrictions, plus both were in their late 60s and have spouses in their 70s. We were limited to eight people anyway. In normal times, there would have been visitation, and the funeral home would have been full.
You're not the only person who has had to make this decision. It's just one more crappy side effect of this disease.
Sorry MQ. We've been very hard hit here haven't we?
It's very concerning.
Even more concerning is the way the country is going.
Hard to find anything positive.
I've lost no one close to Covid. But I'm no stranger to death. I've been a pall bearer more than 20 times starting when I was 16. Finally passed that baton to the next generation in my late 40s. But that didn't stop the funerals. When you come from a big family and have some unlucky friends - they add up.
If Cat wasn't one of my totems, I wouldn't be on my 6th or 7th life.
Or is it 8?
Who's counting?
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