Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Quite right. And also a very damaging position as it is in effect blaming those who got abused by their family as children.
Got abused by your family? Well it was your choice to be born into that family.
And why would anyone make such a choice?
And, at least in my case, just because you had a nutty aunt and a overprotective grandmother...people are putting too much emphasis on that. I have related a couple of stories here about a couple members of my family. I quickly became a successful teacher and principal, traveled extensively, and have had a great life after a less than ideal teenage period. A few of our posters have had far more difficulty getting over my teenage stress than I myself did. But we know why that is...they're using a difficult time in my life (12-17) as a weapon against a poster that doesn't share their religious views.
Quite right. And also a very damaging position as it is in effect blaming those who got abused by their family as children. Got abused by your family? Well it was your choice to be born into that family.
no one is blaming children for anything.
if someone goes into knee-jerk blaming (the post above is an example, and this section of the forum is overflowing with examples of blaming others) then they are not taking responsibility as an adult for their own healing, and for their own thought, speech, action, and feelings as an adult.
Blaming is a cognitive distortion, and is addressed in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy which I am mentioning because on another thread regarding tools to improve a person's mental health, CBT was referenced. For those who may not know, "Cognitive behavioral therapy is a psycho-social intervention that aims to improve mental health. CBT focuses on challenging and changing cognitive distortions and behaviors, improving emotional regulation, and the development of personal coping strategies that target solving current problems."
if someone goes into knee-jerk blaming (the post above is an example, and this section of the forum is overflowing with examples of blaming others) then they are not taking responsibility as an adult for their own healing, and for their own thought, speech, action, and feelings as an adult.
Which post is "blaming" someone?
And what is wrong with placing responsibility where it belongs?
The spiritual / cosmic realm is not one defined or shaped by words, physical/tangible evidence, or scientific methods.
I think we all agree words, evidence, and scientific method are subsets of the cosmos. But disagree that about the spiritual, which is also a product of the cosmos, not outside of it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Thoreau424
All evidence will be within one's self, as received by the brain and soul, in connection/communication with the cosmos and deity.
So not evidence at all, just feelings.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Thoreau424
That realm doesn't play by the rules and expectations of man. You have to realize that and open yourself to that approach to have any chance of sensing what's there. And even then, the evidence will all be found within oneself. Depending on others for proof only guarantees it won't be seen/sensed.
Right because universal proof isn't universal, it's individual anecdote and therefore not proof at all. More likely to be simple imagination, and until there are reliable ways to separate fact from background noise, the only reason to accept as a fact is a desire to do so.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Thoreau424
God/cosmos doesn't dumb down to the level of man; man opens himself and elevates himself to ways of the universe. You guys have the backwards approach, and so will remain blind to the vastness around us.
You don't need any religion, but you do need awareness, and taking a completely different approach.
We understand the universe is beyond human understanding, we don't have that backwards, we atheists simply see no reason to call the universe god(or see good reason to think god is outside of the universe/reality), and doing so opens one's self up to unmerited bias that is blinding to reality.
and if a person experiences trauma, for instance as a child,
then it is up to that person as an adult to seek help and avail themselves of resources available for healing and their own well-being.
each person has that choice. any adult who perpetually marinates in blaming others for well pretty much everything generally has not addressed healing their own trauma "in their own backyard." blaming others (people, places, things, institutions, organizations, whatever it is a person rails against) = not taking responsibility for our own self. Blaming is a cognitive distortion.
"Blaming others keeps us from seeing ways we can alter our behavior to achieve a desired outcome, it leaves us powerless, and it stunts our personal growth. This is obviously a state that we don’t want to stay in permanently. By making others the responsible party for our problems, personal progress can be stalled."
"Blaming is an attempt to assign responsibility for our emotions, thoughts, or actions to someone else. Understanding that our thoughts and emotions are our own, and that our actions are our responsibility, is the start of healing."
Quite right. And also a very damaging position as it is in effect blaming those who got abused by their family as children.
Got abused by your family? Well it was your choice to be born into that family.
Regardless of the karmic angle, we have no control over what family and circumstances we are born into. As an adult our responsibility is to heal ourselves so we don't cause damage to others because we have not addressed what is ailing us. That requires introspection, learning about our selves, and therapy. Blaming anyone does not solve the problem. Forgiveness is the first step to help us move on.
Regardless of the karmic angle, we have no control over what family and circumstances we are born into. As an adult our responsibility is to heal ourselves so we don't cause damage to others because we have not addressed what is ailing us. That requires introspection, learning about our selves, and therapy. Blaming anyone does not solve the problem. Forgiveness is the first step to help us move on.
Appropriately placing responsibility for a wrong accomplishes one very important thing necessary for healing -- helping the individual understand that it wasn't his own fault. Once that realization has come about, then the person can work on healing the damage done by others.
I have seen too many children who thought that they were responsible for -- for example -- their parents divorcing. And that's just one example.
Appropriately placing responsibility for a wrong accomplishes one very important thing necessary for healing -- helping the individual understand that it wasn't his own fault. Once that realization has come about, then the person can work on healing the damage done by others.
I have seen too many children who thought that they were responsible for -- for example -- their parents divorcing. And that's just one example.
I think you are generally saying the same thing, I suspect cb2008 is saying "continuing to blame" rather than simply "blaming" once, but you are both looking towards people moving through a reparative process.
Appropriately placing responsibility for a wrong accomplishes one very important thing necessary for healing -- helping the individual understand that it wasn't his own fault. Once that realization has come about, then the person can work on healing the damage done by others.
I have seen too many children who thought that they were responsible for -- for example -- their parents divorcing. And that's just one example.
Right. Children suffer emotionally because the adults around them were damaged individuals themselves who did not have the emotional tools or skill to protect their children. The same therapy holds for children as well - forgive yourself and forgive those who harmed you. Until you do that they will always have their hooks on you. True realization, awareness and faith that the power to heal is within you, comes eventually.
Blaming on the other hand has no limit, it is an addiction that feels good, and only helps the feeling of victimhood to dig in deeper. It comes out in ugly ways. Always.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
