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Yes, Asheville! It's beautiful and charming and not so far away that I'd feel isolated. And Biltmore is my most favorite place to visit. That's exactly what I'm looking for, artistic, non-judgmental, free-spirited hippies like me. And a little nutty. I grew up with that tourist vibe so that would indeed make it more interesting.
That's great that your FIL is well-cared for. She will need a break from care-giving though, I hope someone is there to relieve her once in a while. I watch my Mom's health decline when she was taking care of her husband. It takes a huge toll on the caregiver. That's going to be me I'm afraid, sooner than later. I won't mind at all, I just know what caregiving can do to a person.
It is all too fresh in my mind. My S.O. died less than three months ago, as most of you I think know. My main focus since then has been on my own health/diet/exercise because I feel the stress and sorrow could have caused my health to be vulnerable. I have lost ten pounds and am gardening and spending time in the woods and at the ocean for my mental and emotional state.
I was fortunate in that I had F.'s sons to share the caregiving burden and an escape each day to walk in a beautiful place. No regrets. He was well cared for in his last year and a half, as hard as it was on him and us. Just don't be a martyr and think you can do it all alone.
The caregiving forum here on CD was helpful, though it took me a while to get there.
That sucks, and it's cathartic to feel emotions about it, but keep your chin up, too. It's not in any way your fault that this person is so irrational and ignorant. People are disappointing anyway, and religion just adds even more disappointment. Man, have I seen that so many times.
My 2 best childhood friends (brothers) that my brother and I used to hang out with almost every day for over a decade, became very religious in adulthood, and now we're not even in touch. One of them got married, and I wasn't even invited. They stopped thinking for themselves, and became brainwashed. Sad.
I also grew up and lived most of my life in the South, where I came to really resent all the religion in the culture there, and "In God We Trust" literally written on the state's flag. Then when I was able to, a few years ago I moved out here to the Pacific Northwest, and it seems like almost everyone's an atheist or agnostic around here. The few religious people are the minority around these parts. So maybe you could try to focus on a goal of relocating at some point, if you can. If you'd rather live amongst the like-minded.
Scroll down to the table on this wiki page that sorts for geography...the most striking thing about Seattle is the anomalously large portion of the irreligious there who are actually willing to call themselves atheists:
Bear in mind, trusso11783 lives in your general area. As the zip code he includes in his username and his most frequented forum indicates, he's a Long Islander. NYC itself is quite secular but I don't know enough about the various suburban areas to know how that secularity may vary in other parts of the (absolutely massive) metro area. I was always a fan of these surveys that assessed religious fervor by metro area...wish they'd do an updated poll:
Out of the 100 metro areas sampled, Buffalo (as of 2017, the most recent I could find) was tied with Cedar Rapids, Iowa and Vegas for 4th-least 'Bible-minded'. Greater NYC was just a few percentage points behind, tied for 9th with SLC, a place where a large segment of the populace is presumably more concerned with a different 'holy book'. If the Book of Mormon were allowed to be substituted for the Bible, they'd be way on the other side of the list.
I know a lot of people who live "out on the island", and my own daughter lived there for a couple of years until she moved to Pittsburgh last year, but interestingly, most of the ones I know are Jewish. We do have fundamentalists here in NJ, as well, so I know they are everywhere, but with so many people from the Indian subcontinent as well as eastern Asia in these parts now, as well as significant Jewish and Muslim populations, it just isn't a default that everyone goes to church. I think Catholicism is probably still the largest Christian group anyway. Although LI tends to be different from NJ politically, and that's all I'm gonna say about THAT, I think they might be similar religion-wise.
Daughter spends a lot of time in Buffalo. Her best friend lives there. While staying in the Toronto 'burbs, we got Buffalo TV stations. Late S.O. described Buffalo as Toronto's bucktoothed stepsister.
Interesting about Cedar Rapids. There is a strong Dutch-descent Reformed stronghold (my childhood church) in Iowa, but perhaps not in the urban areas.
ETA: Saw your other post. Daughter also went to school and lived in Albany for a number of years. She was surrounded by atheism! LOL. Seriously, the biggest driving force for her dislike of Christianity was that beginning at 14, she dated the son of a preacher man from a local fundamentalist church for six years. I was not entirely comfortable with that, as I wasn't involved at the time with any religion myself, but she was happy being involved with the youth group and being in their little church band. She was able to laugh off the six-day creation bit and 6000-year-old earth because she was smarter than that, and she was mostly focused on the boyfriend more than his church, but by her second year of college she realized he was more ensconced in his family's teachings than she knew, and a controlling nitwit besides, and once he said something completely idiotic about her chosen field of study, he was gone.
It is all too fresh in my mind. My S.O. died less than three months ago, as most of you I think know. My main focus since then has been on my own health/diet/exercise because I feel the stress and sorrow could have caused my health to be vulnerable. I have lost ten pounds and am gardening and spending time in the woods and at the ocean for my mental and emotional state.
I was fortunate in that I had F.'s sons to share the caregiving burden and an escape each day to walk in a beautiful place. No regrets. He was well cared for in his last year and a half, as hard as it was on him and us. Just don't be a martyr and think you can do it all alone.
The caregiving forum here on CD was helpful, though it took me a while to get there.
I didn't know, so sorry to hear that MQ. Caregiving for someone who is probably not coming back from their illness is a very harsh reality. You sound like you are doing all you can to recover and nature is very healing. I've got to get a plan in place, but I have already started with the weight loss. I know for a fact that I will be more able to handle the pressures and physical exertion that it takes when I lose weight.
I actually will be doing it alone but unlike my Mother, I won't be stubborn about getting a reprieve from it. Even if I have to pay a sitter. Its' so important, but you already know that. She did it for 7 years, and because she couldn't give up control it damaged her health.
I forgot about the caregiving forum, I'm going to need that in the future.
Just to add a little to the horror story, I found out something yesterday that I think I knew had happened but I just couldn't bring myself to look on Wednesday. All this happened Tuesday evening. My neighbor happened to be outside when this was taking place and caught it on video. I have a ring camera which didn't capture everything so I had no idea this was going on after I went in my house and locked the doors.
I had the music turned on and didn't hear a thing, but she was walking down my sidewalk cursing me with everything she had and very loudly. A lot of my neighbors were outside and went inside when she was doing this. She scared everybody. Then, from the camera view, she turned around and started coming back to my door to do who knows what and my neighbor stopped her.
He said "Enough" and if she didn't leave he was calling the cops. That's my good neighbor. She flipped him double birdies and proceeded to curse him for all he's worth and he warned her again to leave. On the video it shows her getting out of her car for a few minutes and then getting back in and leaving. I was so scared she was coming back I couldn't sleep.
My neighbor and I went out yesterday and looked at my Jeep, and she had keyed the passenger side. Now, if I had seen that Wednesday, I would have hunted her down. And I knew that. So I didn't even look. I can't do a thing, the camera was too blurry and I don't have her license plate. And she's homeless, which is something she didn't tell me.
She was looking for a free ride and place to sleep. Complete loser. If she was looking for a hand-out she sure screwed that up! Idiot.
Wow. Again, WOW.
This woman has 'issues', NS. I mean, your Good Samaritan neighbor wasn't even in your home when this whole thing was going down. Yet, he was also a victim of her 'wrath'.
I know it's hard to do NS, but please, please PLEASE understand that it's probably NOT all about you...? She would lash out at anyone who didn't agree with her...and she proved that by lashing out at your neighbor, who had probably had NO CLUE why she lashed out at you in the first place, since he wasn't in your home, while all this was happening.
I am Christian, NS. But there's NO WAY that I would condone such behavior from a fellow "Christian"
That's total b.s.
To paraphrase the words of Rodney King, "Why can't we ALL just get along?"
Let me tell you, it is liberating as all heck to get yourself rid of worrying about what other people think. I was imprisoned in that myself for much of my life and constantly comparing myself to others besides. Just keep practicing, and it will amaze you to be able to look back on how you used to be. Freedom.
I notice it now when I am back around family. They still expect me to be in my old role. They don't know the me I am now, but I decided that's not my problem.
It's getting better and it really does take practice. It's hard work to adjust your thinking so I will have to have humor play into this somehow. I'm going to find it, I like what Eddie Gein said about telling her that "jesus is telling me I need to go to bed".
It's a shocking thing that has to happen for me to be completely speechless without a quip/comeback. Unless sitting there with your mouth dropped open is a comeback.
I hear what you're saying about being around family and in order to not have the same thing that happened, happen again.....I have to keep my trap shut. I shouldn't have to do that. I was completely calm when I said I was an athiest, I was tired of hearing her drone on about god. Maybe that was my way of getting rid of her, subconsciously. Tell the fruitcake I'm an atheist and she'll leave. It worked!
This woman has 'issues', NS. I mean, your Good Samaritan neighbor wasn't even in your home when this whole thing was going down. Yet, he was also a victim of her 'wrath'.
I know it's hard to do NS, but please, please PLEASE understand that it's probably NOT all about you...? She would lash out at anyone who didn't agree with her...and she proved that by lashing out at your neighbor, who had probably had NO CLUE why she lashed out at you in the first place, since he wasn't in your home, while all this was happening.
I am Christian, NS. But there's NO WAY that I would condone such behavior from a fellow "Christian"
That's total b.s.
To paraphrase the words of Rodney King, "Why can't we ALL just get along?"
That's putting it mildly, she is funny farm nuts. My neighbor was my hero, even though I didn't know it until two days later. Yes you're right, it was about religion but it was more about her insanity. She fooled me and I thought I was done being gullible. I guess that never ends if you're a good person.
Exactly, and you're the kind of christian that is representing. Empathy for others, no matter what they believe, and that's all that should matter. Poor Rodney.
I empathize with your loneliness, OP. But you let her go on four or more hours and in your home? That would not last five minutes in my house. I would have politely shown her the door and I do know how hard that can be to do. Better to have boundaries and hold lunatics at arm's length if not able to cut them off completely. Once a nut reveals themselves they will never be allowed in my home.
Eta, I read further and understand better. Maybe should iave called the police tho to make a record of her coming back. Still not too late if it could help. They could talk to the neighbor too. Many homeless are at least mentally unwell if not bat crap crazy. I'm glad she didn't attack physically. Best wishes. Stay well.
I know nothing other than what you wrote but there is no way in hell that anyone who believes in God and Jesus will ever want anything to do with you on any romantic level and possibly only level. You aren’t the devil but you are anti God, so, almost the same. I would have never considered dating an atheist. I may be friends with one buy only of religion never came up. Just find someone like you. I wouldn’t even date anyone out of my religion. I’m Catholic. How could I possibly ever date a Jew? She thinks my lord and savior is just some carpenter rabbi. I’m not even that religious but that is a dealbreaker for me and probably many people.
This is no big deal. Don’t know what upset you so much. Have no idea who “she” even is. But whoever she is, it’s no loss if she is not on the same page with you.
No reasonable person would want to date you either. Go away.
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Again, WOW. 
