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Old 01-20-2009, 02:49 PM
 
Location: Richland, Washington
4,903 posts, read 5,998,908 times
Reputation: 3533

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The top 10 ways to tell if you're a Christian

10- You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of your god.
9- You feel insulted and "dehumanized" when scientists say that people evolved from lesser life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt
8- You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Trinity god
7- Your face turns purple when you hear of the "atrocities" attributed to Allah, but you don't even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in "Exodus" and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in "Joshua" -- including women, children, and trees!
6- You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky.
5- You are willing to spend your life looking for little loop-holes in the scientifically established age of the Earth (4.55 billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by pre-historic tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that the Earth is a couple of generations old.
4- You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs -- though excluding those in all rival sects -- will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet you consider your religion the most "tolerant" and "loving".
3- While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in "tongues" may be all the evidence you need to prove Christianity.
2- You define 0.01% as a "high success rate" when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God.
1- You actually know a lot less than many Atheists and Agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history -- but still call yourself a Christian
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Old 01-22-2009, 02:03 AM
 
Location: Brussels, Belgium
970 posts, read 1,696,548 times
Reputation: 236


(from Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal)
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Old 01-23-2009, 10:05 AM
 
Location: Wisconsin
520 posts, read 893,320 times
Reputation: 176
I may have posted this one before, but oh well.

What do you get when you cross an Atheist with a Jehovah’s Witness?
Someone who knocks at your door for no reason.
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Old 01-23-2009, 12:04 PM
 
Location: Victoria, BC.
33,502 posts, read 36,999,655 times
Reputation: 13972
Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written
An impressive new book. It's called ..........
'Ministers Do More Than Lay People'
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Old 01-24-2009, 07:30 AM
 
4,511 posts, read 7,499,910 times
Reputation: 827
Thumbs up yeah, keep repeating it, sans peur...

Quote:
Originally Posted by sanspeur View Post
Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written
An impressive new book. It's called ..........
'Ministers Do More Than Lay People'


YouTube - The Eagles - Desperado (live)


(got nothing better to do...?)

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Old 01-24-2009, 08:22 AM
 
Location: NSW, Australia
4,493 posts, read 6,299,105 times
Reputation: 10592
What is the biggest problem for an Atheist?

No-one to talk to during orgasm.
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Old 01-24-2009, 08:26 AM
 
4,511 posts, read 7,499,910 times
Reputation: 827
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lady Ice View Post
What is the biggest problem for an Atheist?

No-one to talk to during orgasm.

My dear, are you calling for an end to "The End of Outrage" - eh?
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Old 01-24-2009, 05:09 PM
 
Location: NSW, Australia
4,493 posts, read 6,299,105 times
Reputation: 10592
Quote:
Originally Posted by effie briest View Post
My dear, are you calling for an end to "The End of Outrage" - eh?

Effie, I have no concern for the moral decay of America....
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Old 01-28-2009, 12:24 PM
 
Location: Santa Monica
4,714 posts, read 8,442,390 times
Reputation: 1052
Warning label for Holy Bible (photo):
http://farm1.static.flickr.com/41/83...022366e9_o.jpg
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Old 01-28-2009, 03:59 PM
 
Location: Richland, Washington
4,903 posts, read 5,998,908 times
Reputation: 3533
A very religious man lived right next door to an atheist. While the religious one prayed day in, day out, and was constantly on his knees in communion with his Lord, the atheist never even looked twice at a church.
However, the atheist's life was good, he had a well-paying job and a beautiful wife, and his children were healthy and good- natured, whereas the pious man's job was strenuous and his wages were low, his wife was getting fatter every day and his kids wouldn't give him the time of the day.
So one day, deep in prayer as usual, he raised his eyes towards heaven and asked:
"Oh God, I honour you every day, I ask your advice for every problem and confess to you my every sin. Yet my neighbour, who doesn't even believe in you and certainly never prays, seems blessed with every happiness, while I go poor and suffer many an indignity. Why is this?"
And a great voice was heard from above:
"BECAUSE HE DOESN'T BOTHER ME ALL THE TIME!"
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