First time you "came out" to your family as an Atheist
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My mom is an atheist and when I told her I was an atheist too in my freshman year of high school, it didn't come as a shocker. I was never raised with religion besides going to Church occasionally with my grandmother whenever we would visit her. I did it out of respect. I always viewed God in the same light as Santa Claus, quite literally, until I realized that yes, people in fact do really believe in a God.
I think she would be more shocked to learn that I have converted to Catholicism here at the age of twenty. I always made fun of religious people about how stupid their beliefs are, so to go back on everything I have said and tell her I joined the strictest of all Christian denominations would kind of surprise her, but she wouldn't care.
I've had a similar experience. About two years ago as I was battling to get my nephew (then 15) released into my custody from a juvenile detention facility. The whole thing was incredibly frustrating as no one involved wanted to do anything except stonewall me. As I continued to fight for his release, I realized that as I needed things, they we falling into my hands in a manner and with such relevant timing that I began to suspect something odd was taking place. Someone or something was putting people and resources into my life in an organized way that I couldn't help but notice or deny. I literally witnessed miracles.
I decided to return to church after a 20+ yrs. absence and scouted out a nice Baptist Church that I had never been to previously. Soon afterwords, my family and I began attending. My extended family (cousins, aunts and uncles) had become separated from us years ago because of friction between certain individuals and deaths but some were still alive somewhere, but we didn't know where. As my family and I attended this church, I began to pray for reunification with my lost relatives. Long story short, in the same time period that I was praying for this, I was also shaking hands with my second cousin at church on Sundays not knowing she was who she is because I hadn't seen her in 34 yrs. That's not just a coincidence, it's another miracle and IMHO evidence that God does have a sense of humor.
I've been atheist since I was a kid, so I don't remember any reactions other than my grandmother's. She was deeply religious. DEEPLY. However, she was not one of the hate-mongering christians. When she found out, she said that god must have made me an atheist for a reason and she didn't have to know what it was to accept it. And she stuck to that and never, ever gave me a hard time about it. My grandmother was one of the coolest people I've ever known.
I love my family very much and would never insult what they believe in ( to their face), but my family has never had the same respect for me in terms of my non belief. I am agnostic, which basically means that i don't know if there is a God, and since i cannot prove one way or another I am happy not knowing, I do lean a little more toward the Atheist side of Agnosticism though, and my family does not take it well. they have lectured me about communion, "if you don't accept the body and blood of Christ you won't be saved." They look at me as if I am the crazy one. I am respectful when I do have to go to church (funerals, weddings, etc.) and I go through the motions (boy are my knees sore), but my family does not see that they should show the same respect to me. I am a good person, but that is never the issue with them. They think I am sad and lost, and if only I could find Jesus I would know that God is real and I would believe. This is BULL. I used to believe in God and Jesus, then I got a history book. The mere existence of Jesus as a person is hotly disputed by historians, and from my research the only evidence is from Josephus in one paragraph, which is seen as forgery by most historians. I don't bring this up because I don't want to be attacked by my family. it is sad when being reasonable is something to discriminate against. I hope I am a rare case of this.
I've been atheist since I was a kid, so I don't remember any reactions other than my grandmother's. She was deeply religious. DEEPLY. However, she was not one of the hate-mongering christians. When she found out, she said that god must have made me an atheist for a reason and she didn't have to know what it was to accept it. And she stuck to that and never, ever gave me a hard time about it. My grandmother was one of the coolest people I've ever known.
You are lucky, when I told my mom I didn't want to celebrate xmas I was 10. I told her that I didn't believe that Jesus was the son of God. I asked if we could celebrate yule instead, which has more to do with nature and the seasons, and she cried. I felt like I had done something bad. My mom is now agnostic so I know she was having her doubts too, but I never lost that feeling. Your grandmother is what xtians should be.
Well, I never tried to get my parents to quit christmas. I just changed my viewing on it. I started to look at it as family time since we never had to be in school or at work at that time. Yeah, there is the whole presents thing, but there are no prayers, no going to church. There are xmas carols, but I just take out my mom's German xmas CDs because I don't really understand them so they don't bother me. Stopping xmas would break my dad's heart...he LOVES counting up his presents under the tree and comparing his total to everyone else's total. Tree doesn't have religious ornaments and doesn't even get put up until after December 16, so xmas was never the in-your-face type of holiday in our house. Since prayers and church are not and have never been a part of xmas at my family home, it never really bothered me. Given the choice, though, I'd leave it out entirely and enjoyed being able to do that while in Korea.
I was in the hospital for a severe stapf infection for about 4 days a couple years back. When I was checked into the hospital, I was with my father (who is Jewish) and when they asked what religion I was, he said "Jewish" and I corrected him and said "Atheist". The look on my father's face was pretty sad, but he's a good father and accepts his kids no matter what they believe. I was wondering if other people have "Come out" as atheist and had a more difficult situation, maybe even being disowned. Or if people have been hiding in the closet for fear of the backlash.
Didn't have to, really. My mom is also atheist, and my dad, as far as I can tell, is pretty irreligious--he seems to be apathetic about it. He's a very meat 'n' potatoes, practical kind of guy, and never seemed to have much use for philosophy, theorizing, etc. unless it was somehow going to impact his daily existence (so, for example, he has cared about some political issues to the extent that they'd affect what he does or his wallet). The black sheep in the family was my sister, who seemed to go through a religious period . . . although she seems to be over that now, lol. If you go back far enough in my family, they were Catholic and Roman Catholic (my dad's side is Italian and German, mom's side German), but I only had one grandparent who was very religious. My maternal grandfather was also atheist and my paternal grandparents were very similar to my dad.
Well, I never tried to get my parents to quit christmas . . .
My family celebrates Christmas. It's about family, presents, etc. and the mythological elements begin and end with Santa--similar with Easter for us, which is mythologically centered on the Easter Bunny. I certainly enjoy fantasizing, including all the usual non-religious holiday stories. Halloween is probably my favorite holiday, as that's my favorite time of year and I'm a huge horror fan, but I enjoy all the usual holidays.
Well, I never tried to get my parents to quit christmas. I just changed my viewing on it. I started to look at it as family time since we never had to be in school or at work at that time. Yeah, there is the whole presents thing, but there are no prayers, no going to church. There are xmas carols, but I just take out my mom's German xmas CDs because I don't really understand them so they don't bother me. Stopping xmas would break my dad's heart...he LOVES counting up his presents under the tree and comparing his total to everyone else's total. Tree doesn't have religious ornaments and doesn't even get put up until after December 16, so xmas was never the in-your-face type of holiday in our house. Since prayers and church are not and have never been a part of xmas at my family home, it never really bothered me. Given the choice, though, I'd leave it out entirely and enjoyed being able to do that while in Korea.
I think you misunderstood my story. I never tried to get my mom to quit xmas. I just offered an alternative to the xtian holiday which has many of the same customs(since it is where xmas comes from), and happens at the same time of year. The holiday season is a fun time for my family and we celebrate it much in the same way as we used to. What my mother was upset about was that i didn't believe in Jesus anymore. So in that sense I did not want to celebrate xmas. You know the naitivity, and the angels etc. I didn't want to lie anymore about believing. I never said we couldn't have fun like we always do.
Ooops...sorry, I didn't mean it that way. I was just saying that things worked out as well as they did for me because I didn't really try for any changes AND because I didn't have to deal with the religious aspects of it, and I was sure you did. In my weird little way, I was saying not to think my situation was quite so lucky...I didn't have as much to battle against as others do since I never had to deal with nativity, angels, prayers, church, etc. I had it easy, and I know it. However, if I had tried to get my parents to stop christmas or celebrate something instead of it, there would have been hurt feelings, angry lectures, etc. I wouldn't have even THOUGHT to suggest an alternative holiday...I think I was spineless compared to you. It wasn't until YEARS later, while I was in Korea, that I once mentioned I'd like to just not do christmas (no mailing presents back and forth or anything) and it was not pretty. I packed my spine away and haven't dusted it off in a long time.
Ooops...sorry, I didn't mean it that way. I was just saying that things worked out as well as they did for me because I didn't really try for any changes AND because I didn't have to deal with the religious aspects of it, and I was sure you did. In my weird little way, I was saying not to think my situation was quite so lucky...I didn't have as much to battle against as others do since I never had to deal with nativity, angels, prayers, church, etc. I had it easy, and I know it. However, if I had tried to get my parents to stop christmas or celebrate something instead of it, there would have been hurt feelings, angry lectures, etc. I wouldn't have even THOUGHT to suggest an alternative holiday...I think I was spineless compared to you. It wasn't until YEARS later, while I was in Korea, that I once mentioned I'd like to just not do christmas (no mailing presents back and forth or anything) and it was not pretty. I packed my spine away and haven't dusted it off in a long time.
No worries. I agree with you, gift giving is just a hassle. It's like extra work and people get hurt feelings if you decide not to exchange gifts with them. On top of that, it promotes consumerism which is a bane on America imo. I do like holidays off though
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My wonderful Catholic Family.....
Stopping xmas would break my dad's heart...he LOVES counting up his presents under the tree and comparing his total to everyone else's total. Tree doesn't have religious ornaments and doesn't even get put up until after December 16, so xmas was never the in-your-face type of holiday in our house. Since prayers and church are not and have never been a part of xmas at my family home, it never really bothered me. Given the choice, though, I'd leave it out entirely and enjoyed being able to do that while in Korea.
