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On Monday, my brother's stepson was in an accident and, according to my mom, he might not ever walk again. I'm not taking that as gospel yet, though, because my mom is a drama queen and always makes things sound worse than they are. I haven't talked to my brother yet, so I'm not convinced I got the real story.
Anyway, I told her that I was sorry and that I wished there was something I could do. And she told me to pray. So, since I'm so sick of her Jesus forwards in my email and her explaining that the crappy things that happen are a result of "God's master plan", I told her that I don't pray and I believe that praying is a way that people convince themselves that they're helping when they're really doing nothing. But, I said I would hope for the best, because I really do hope things work out for the poor boy. She told me that she was sad for me because I don't believe in praying.
That kind of set me off. I told her not to condescend to me because I'm not an idiot. I happen to think she's wrong about A LOT of things, but I don't tell her that I'm "sad" for her stupidity.
So, I'm kind of irritated. I'm thinking about not even going back home for New Year's. I'm sick of not fitting in. I'm sick of everyone assuming that I'm Christian because they are and that I appreciate these YouTube videos they send me about noble Christians standing up to "evil" atheists who test their faith. I actually prefer to be completely alone than deal with that. For now. Am I going to regret cutting off people because of this? I don't have a problem with Christians believing what they believe, but I know only one person in real life that accepts the fact that I'm an atheist and doesn't feel sorry for me or think that I'm an abomination. But, I still wonder...since I have hardly any friends or long-term relationships...am I being too difficult? I always have problems trying to find a middle ground between extremes.
You don't have to take "..he might never walk again" as gospel. The key word might makes it completely an open question whether he will or not.
It's very hard to be patient with religious people who just won't let up. Rather than not going home, I'd try to come to some agreement with all concerned in no uncertain terms that the religious talk simply has to stop. They are entitled to their beliefs, but you are entitled to your lack of same, and there is no point in arguing about it. Good luck.
I've been dealing with the same issue ever since I was old enough to think for myself. I became an atheist at age 12 -a fact that I am quite proud of despite the domestic disaster that it created. My mother literally cried when she found out.
I'm afraid that there is nothing you can do except grin and bear it. It's just our "cross to bear" to borrow a christian cliche'. The way I see it you can either blow it off or become a hermit. Why let these people and their silly beliefs have that much power over you?
On Monday, my brother's stepson was in an accident and, according to my mom, he might not ever walk again. I'm not taking that as gospel yet, though, because my mom is a drama queen and always makes things sound worse than they are. I haven't talked to my brother yet, so I'm not convinced I got the real story.
Anyway, I told her that I was sorry and that I wished there was something I could do. And she told me to pray. So, since I'm so sick of her Jesus forwards in my email and her explaining that the crappy things that happen are a result of "God's master plan", I told her that I don't pray and I believe that praying is a way that people convince themselves that they're helping when they're really doing nothing. But, I said I would hope for the best, because I really do hope things work out for the poor boy. She told me that she was sad for me because I don't believe in praying.
That kind of set me off. I told her not to condescend to me because I'm not an idiot. I happen to think she's wrong about A LOT of things, but I don't tell her that I'm "sad" for her stupidity.
So, I'm kind of irritated. I'm thinking about not even going back home for New Year's. I'm sick of not fitting in. I'm sick of everyone assuming that I'm Christian because they are and that I appreciate these YouTube videos they send me about noble Christians standing up to "evil" atheists who test their faith. I actually prefer to be completely alone than deal with that. For now. Am I going to regret cutting off people because of this? I don't have a problem with Christians believing what they believe, but I know only one person in real life that accepts the fact that I'm an atheist and doesn't feel sorry for me or think that I'm an abomination. But, I still wonder...since I have hardly any friends or long-term relationships...am I being too difficult? I always have problems trying to find a middle ground between extremes.
I can't say for sure, so don't take this to the bank. But reading between the lines it seems to me that this is an effort to almost guilt you into praying. It actually seems like this is a common trend. It's like trying to preach the gay out of someone - it's just condescending. Here again, you know your family better than I do (obviously) so take that for what it's worth to you.
Back in 05 my brother was murdered in his home. After some guy told me that it was part of gods plan, he then proceeded to say something to the effect of "This happened because no one prayed, so I'll do it for him." This guy had been doing these kinds of things for all the time I'd known him. Guess that was the last straw because I broke his nose right then and there. Now I'll admit now that that wasn't the proper course of action but for obvious reasons emotions were strong. But the guy laid off and we eventually ended up talking again. In some ways it made things a lot better for both of us.
I'm not saying that you need to do this to your mom - that would just be wrong . The point is that you don't have to walk with rounded shoulders about who you are. Make a stand and let her know that this isn't doing anything but alienating you. Not saying have a screaming match in the living room, just let it be clear. If that's clear and she persists, and all reasoning has been exhausted, well... I don't know what to do then... It wont change anyone's mind, but it might get her to take the heat off a little bit.
Based only on what you've said here, you're not being at all too difficult hon. Quite the contrary; I would say you are more than reasonable. But it doesn't seem like that's really the issue at hand, is it? Sounds more like you are having trouble deciding where and when you should stand your ground about what you believe. Well, when it comes to family, or people you really don't have such a "choice" to walk away from, I would say that it might be best to bite the bullet- just a little- and only if that doesn't mean sacrificing what you REALLY believe. Eh, grin and bear the stupid talk, and just say "yeah" when your mum says to pray. It won't hurt, and since she really doesn't understand your core beliefs it doesn't matter what she says, does it? You can be the bigger person here- if you WANT to, and if not "rocking the boat" is worth keeping the relationship you have with her. Is it? Now it's different if she asks you to do something that would compromise your beliefs or your nature but, so far as you've described, that hasn't so much happened. Yes, there is a great deal of disrespect to you, and I think it is something worth addressing. But maybe not during a time of strife. This is only my opinion but I think that perhaps when things are calm within your family, perhaps you might just mention your feelings to them the best way you can- eh, they don't sound too open minded, but you never know. After that, if they aren't willing to respect how you feel, you can decide if it is worth your time to just accept THEM and deal with how limiting they are or not. Now this is just family....when you said that you have trouble with others and the whole middle ground thing- I would TOTALLY write people like that off. You don't have any vested interest in them if they aren't supportive of you. There are plenty of good people on this planet that will not talk down to you or make you feel like an alien for believing or feeling how you do about anything, and life is too short, and TOO long to waste time around anyone who doesn't accept you for yourself, irregardless of what you believe in. Good luck with everything, though I don't think you need it- I think you'll be more than fine, both with family and friends.
That was probably the wrong time to bring that up. And your mother may not always be right, but she's always your mother. So I would say yes, you probably were being too difficult. It would have been better to talk about that on a different day. That's my opinion, since you asked.
What happened has happened, and you'll have to deal with it, but I agree with Boxcar, your timing could have been better. Like Dr. Laura says, "Is this the hill you want to die on? Choose your battles wisely."
What I can address for you is the situation with the family members sending you all that unwanted religious horse****. Take a page from my playbook and make a stand. Either call them, email them or tell them in person (I've done all three) that you don't appreciate their propaganda and unless it stops immediately, you'll put a total block on all their emails.
I ask people to refrain from sending me religious and political stuff via email.
I don't care about either their religion or politics.
If they choose to send me another one, I block them from email.
It's pretty simple and quite proactive.
It's based on choices that they make.
When you do discuss what it will take to continue the relationship, understand that they'll be making decisions as well.
You're not the bad guy, but you do have a right to your needs as well.
Good luck.
Last edited by chielgirl; 12-25-2009 at 10:46 AM..
On Monday, my brother's stepson was in an accident and, according to my mom, he might not ever walk again. I'm not taking that as gospel yet, though, because my mom is a drama queen and always makes things sound worse than they are. I haven't talked to my brother yet, so I'm not convinced I got the real story.
Anyway, I told her that I was sorry and that I wished there was something I could do. And she told me to pray. So, since I'm so sick of her Jesus forwards in my email and her explaining that the crappy things that happen are a result of "God's master plan", I told her that I don't pray and I believe that praying is a way that people convince themselves that they're helping when they're really doing nothing. But, I said I would hope for the best, because I really do hope things work out for the poor boy. She told me that she was sad for me because I don't believe in praying.
That kind of set me off. I told her not to condescend to me because I'm not an idiot. I happen to think she's wrong about A LOT of things, but I don't tell her that I'm "sad" for her stupidity.
So, I'm kind of irritated. I'm thinking about not even going back home for New Year's. I'm sick of not fitting in. I'm sick of everyone assuming that I'm Christian because they are and that I appreciate these YouTube videos they send me about noble Christians standing up to "evil" atheists who test their faith. I actually prefer to be completely alone than deal with that. For now. Am I going to regret cutting off people because of this? I don't have a problem with Christians believing what they believe, but I know only one person in real life that accepts the fact that I'm an atheist and doesn't feel sorry for me or think that I'm an abomination. But, I still wonder...since I have hardly any friends or long-term relationships...am I being too difficult? I always have problems trying to find a middle ground between extremes.
You aren't being difficult.
I don't see why it's so hard for some Christians to respect the beliefs of others, whether they be Atheists, Muslim, Hindu, Buddhist, etc.
If you feel you need to distance yourself from your family to be happy or maintain your sanity, by all means do so.
I am with Chielgirl, I would block their emails.
My family prays at our family dinners and I just simply look up and think about other things. I wish I could time my arrival better so I could miss the prayer but no such luck. Some people in my family know I'm an atheist...others don't. I try not to make a big deal out of it because I don't feel like hearing their mouth. My dad actually forced me to go to church once he found out I was an atheist...as if that would have some effect.
Thanks for all the feedback. I think you're all probably right. I actually don't know why I got so upset about now. Maybe its just because I'm afraid they wouldn't like me if they knew the real me. There are much worse things than not being liked, though.
I'm sorry for your loss, cleatis. It amazes me that people have the nerve to say that when such a tragedy happens.
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. The point is that you don't have to walk with rounded shoulders about who you are. Make a stand and let her know that this isn't doing anything but alienating you. Not saying have a screaming match in the living room, just let it be clear. If that's clear and she persists, and all reasoning has been exhausted, well... I don't know what to do then... It wont change anyone's mind, but it might get her to take the heat off a little bit.
