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Old 03-31-2013, 10:15 AM
 
421 posts, read 747,445 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Atlanta_BD View Post
I kinda agree with you on this Tony, but I see where Mary is coming from. Right away when you are a single woman, people assume you have unrealistic standards. Mary feels that she wants someone who is an educated professional like she is. Why should she date the who only finished high school? The flip side is, just because someone didn't finish college that doesn't me that they are unintelligent or uncultured.

I've seen instances among my AA female friends where were educated professionals in relationships with or married to black men who are not. It led to nothing but problems and all of those marriages ended in divorce. Every single one of them. Also some men resent it when a woman makes more than them. I've seen these cases also turn into domestic violence. So Mary has a legitimate concerns.

Only 25% of the adult American population has a college degree. I don't know what that percentage is in the AA community, but I do know that black women make up 60% of all black college graduates, making it harder for educated black women to find men they have things in common with.

The only issue I have with being educated getting thrown around by some people is that idea that being educated makes one more entitled to a relationship or being educated automatically makes a person relationship material and a good catch.

I'm confused by the bold above.

Are you saying they had relationship problems because their husbands didn't go to college?

 
Old 03-31-2013, 10:21 AM
 
421 posts, read 747,445 times
Reputation: 166
Quote:
Originally Posted by Atlanta_BD View Post
Great point, but then question becomes how much flexibility one must have in order to find a mate. When is being flexible not settling? That depends on the individual, of course. I have a friend who is college educated. Last year because she'd be single and never married all her adult life, after not being able to find her Mr. Perfect, she decided to date a guy who not only wasn't educated, he had a criminal history. Everything was all candy hearts and flowers in the beginning and she was declaring how much he loves and adores her. A year later she's calling me crying, telling me how violent he is, that he's abusing her and coming to her apartment breaking out her windows.

So how much compromise does there need to be? What is the threshold? I used to know a woman who would encourage single black women to marry black men coming out of jail, saying that these men need wives too. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!



Again, what works for some doesn't always works for others. Just because you and your friends had no problems that doesn't mean it's easy for other women or that these other women who don't have mates lack confidence, are too picky, etc. Women are told to compromise but it's very rare for men to settle on what they want and men aren't given the same advice. Men go for what they want, while women are told to be more flexible.




Also another great point. The Law of Attraction is very real.




Very true!



Women think they can change a man. If you are ready for a relationship and the man you are with isn't, get rid of him ASAP! It's a waste of time. Time is of the essence and I've seen many women give years of their lives to men who won't marry them, and these men end up marrying someone else. Women have to be smart about this. The minute a man says he's not ready for a commitment, walk away.

Like I said. I have no problem at all meeting or attracting men. I keep meeting men who aren't interested in commitment and I don't bother with these men. It leads to a lot of datelessness for me because men these days come out the gate about how they don't want anything serious, which is fine for me because that avoids wasted time. But then when I hear this, I don't walk away, I run!

It's also difficult for me because I am old-fashioned and I make it known that I believe that dating should be for the purpose of marriage. Men don't want to hear that. They often say well you just have to get to know a person blah, blah, blah but that's BS! Men know when they first meet a woman whether or not she's a woman he wants to take seriously and know within six months if he's going to marry her. I know how men think and I don't want my time wasted so I am by myself as a result.

I just haven't had the opportunity to meet the guy who is interested in me AND ready to commit.

Have you considered older men? Steve Harvey suggests that for many women.
 
Old 03-31-2013, 02:02 PM
 
Location: Sweet Home...CHICAGO
3,421 posts, read 5,198,380 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Freeminds View Post
I'm confused by the bold above.

Are you saying they had relationship problems because their husbands didn't go to college?
Their husbands resented that they were educated and made more money.
 
Old 03-31-2013, 02:05 PM
 
Location: Sweet Home...CHICAGO
3,421 posts, read 5,198,380 times
Reputation: 4355
Quote:
Originally Posted by Freeminds View Post
Have you considered older men? Steve Harvey suggests that for many women.
I don't look to Steve Harvey for relationship advice lol. I am not attracted to older men, therefore they are not an option.
 
Old 03-31-2013, 02:13 PM
 
Location: West Cobb County, GA (Atlanta metro)
9,191 posts, read 33,800,813 times
Reputation: 5308
I think we're starting to stray from the main theme of the post/question, folks...
 
Old 03-31-2013, 03:18 PM
 
31,997 posts, read 36,610,130 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Atlanta_BD View Post
I am not attracted to older men, therefore they are not an option.
A lot of us are still pretty spry. Just saying.
 
Old 03-31-2013, 03:29 PM
 
Location: Orange Blossom Trail
6,420 posts, read 6,491,499 times
Reputation: 2673
Quote:
Originally Posted by Atlanta_BD View Post
Their husbands resented that they were educated and made more money.
Did the husbands tell you that or is that th reasoning your girlfriends gave you?
 
Old 03-31-2013, 03:46 PM
 
Location: Orange Blossom Trail
6,420 posts, read 6,491,499 times
Reputation: 2673
Quote:
Originally Posted by tonygeorgia View Post
Can we stop calling ourselves educated? Other races never call themselves that because it is assumed they are educated. That is like if I called myself an unfunky black male. I dont call myself that because people assume that I shower daily
Can you add Professional, independent, God Fearing &well traveled to that list. All of those terms are also major turn offs, not just educated.
 
Old 03-31-2013, 05:53 PM
 
Location: Sweet Home...CHICAGO
3,421 posts, read 5,198,380 times
Reputation: 4355
Quote:
Originally Posted by BlackPeach2 View Post
Did the husbands tell you that or is that th reasoning your girlfriends gave you?
The women did. But since their husbands were abusive and some had criminal records their side doesn't carry much weight in my opinion.
 
Old 03-31-2013, 06:13 PM
 
Location: Eastwatch by the sea
1,280 posts, read 1,848,976 times
Reputation: 1649
Quote:
Originally Posted by arjay57 View Post
A lot of us are still pretty spry. Just saying.
You sir, have been repped!
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