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Only recently have I began interracial dating in Atlanta, and I agree with Kev, I've never been hassled or visiably acosted for being with a white woman. I've gotten some stares from many black women when I've been seen with my Hispanic ex or my White friend, but that's any city when it comes to how many black women view black men dating outside their race.
the problem with interaccial relationships is not the one night thing, but the inevitable blame game that WILL take place pretty soon.
thats why most people keep away i guess.. its one less thing to fight about. few people can avoid that topic but if you've ever been in one, you will know what i mean
its no different than religious issues. how many have done a meet the parents between say a mormon and a jew? or catholic and anything... compatability is not skin deep but its the one obvious thing everybody can see from the start. or even better, baptist and a muslim. my family split years ago because of such a relationship. it caused so much drama it was funny
I understand where you're coming from with this. I've been called a "sell-out" or "Uncle Tom" by a few sistas for being with a white woman or asian woman. I even had one who claimed that I am being "white-washed". I've been subjected to the teeth sucking, the eye-rolling, and the long waiting response from the cash register sistas at the store when in the company of a gender from another cultural background (Ethiopian and she was BEAUTIFUL!).
I'm pretty sure that people on here will discount everything I said, simply because it doesn't mesh with their cultural worldview, but what can I say? My experiences, are my experiences, take them or leave them.
Location: The Greatest city on Earth: City of Atlanta Proper
8,485 posts, read 14,987,215 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AcidSnake
I understand where you're coming from with this. I've been called a "sell-out" or "Uncle Tom" by a few sistas for being with a white woman or asian woman. I even had one who claimed that I am being "white-washed". I've been subjected to the teeth sucking, the eye-rolling, and the long waiting response from the cash register sistas at the store when in the company of a gender from another cultural background (Ethiopian and she was BEAUTIFUL!).
I'm pretty sure that people on here will discount everything I said, simply because it doesn't mesh with their cultural worldview, but what can I say? My experiences, are my experiences, take them or leave them.
I've experienced what you've said before, but I have a "whatever" attitude about it. It's not like some stranger on street gets a say about whom I date.
Okay... I'll 'fess up... I've had the experience in Atlanta, as recently as within the past two years on a visit, of getting along just fine with an AA woman salesclerk UNTIL my husband arrive on the scene, at which point the attitudes start flyin'...
Having been together for so long we tend to have thick skins. My husband says, "When I look in the mirror I don't see her name written across forehead, so I don't know what her problem maybe - cuz I ain't her property."
As for me, I 'get it', I really do, but if you insist on taking it out your life problems on me, hold on up ... I will not allow anyone to give me a white guiilt trip... I know in my heart I never chased after 'one of their men'... my husband is the ONLY black guy I ever dated and he pursued me, thank you very much. If anyone has a problem with that, WHATeva. At this point I've put in 20 years of blood, sweat and tears with this guy [literally, 4 kids = blood, working at it and lovin' him day in day out = sweat, and every argument + 3yrs apart = tears galore] if ANY woman thinks she can do better by him than moi, well have at it sista, 'cause NO WOMAN will ever know him as I know him. Don't think for a minute you can do better by him than I do by him just because your skin and his skin are of a similiar shade? Think again... /rant
In other words, if they give me attitude, I dish it right back IN MY MIND !! I don't actually say any of the above aloud, but to fortify a thick skin in a given situation, I'm thinking it... that is the truth.
At the same time I am BEGGING, again in my mind, for what I perceive to be attitude to be a misunderstanding on my part... I want to see a reconciliation of the races at every turn. But I am not naive or stupid.
White folks, well it's far less PC to get direct attitude so whatever people maybe thinking, they seem to keep it pretty much in check. For better or worse.... but we noticed early in our marriage, in Georgia, those who are not approving pretty much were very cool with us from the outset and they would steered clear of us - in Georgia people didn't 'fake it' as has happened here in Minnesota. In other words, nothing is said directly but the coolness speaks volmnes. We so much appreciate this over the fake "Minnesota Nice."
Here in Minneapolis I also sometimes experience a change of attitude from black women when it becomes known I have 4 children with the same black man. But this is often in a unique situation. I work with the innercity poor and, to be completely honest, I am often told 'I never woud have guessed your husband is black' from my AA women clientele... I think in the sub-culture of generational poverty I tend to get quite a bit more ATTITUDE than I do from cultured, educated, AA women who live above the fray.
In professional settings I rarely to never get an attitude thrown my direction. Quite often I get the opposite, when black women realize I am married to a black man they suddenly feel more comfortable with me and talk more freely to me.
I've often felt my IRR status is beneficial in many situations because the insider status in both black and white cultures/families provides me with stonger communication skills and the ability to bridge what is often, still, a cultural gap in our society.
Last edited by StPaulEastSider; 07-25-2009 at 09:35 PM..
Location: The Greatest city on Earth: City of Atlanta Proper
8,485 posts, read 14,987,215 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by StPaulEastSider
Having been together for so long we tend to have thick skins. My husband says, "When I look in the mirror I don't see her name written across forehead, so I don't know what her problem maybe - cuz I ain't her property."
As for me, I 'get it', I really do, but if you insist on taking it out your life problems on me, hold on up ... I will not allow anyone to give me a white guiilt trip... I know in my heart I never chased after 'one of their men'... my husband is the ONLY black guy I ever dated and he pursued me, thank you very much. If anyone has a problem with that, WHATeva. At this point I've put in 20 years of blood, sweat and tears with this guy [literally, 4 kids = blood, working at it and lovin' him day in day out = sweat, and every argument + 3yrs apart = tears galore] if ANY woman thinks she can do better by him than moi, well have at it sista, 'cause NO WOMAN will ever know him as I know him. Don't think for a minute you can do better by him than I do by him just because your skin and his skin are of a similiar shade? Think again...
Truer words have never been said. Only you and your husband have a say in your relationship because only the two of you have been through it. Whatever input someone from the outside has to add is irrelevant. Skin color doesn't change this fact.
Though, as a born and bred US Southerner I have to say that Atlanta is the BEST town to be in if you're in an interracial relationship (and not just black/white).
I didn't even realize how progressive Atlanta is with race relations until I'd gone back home to my small southern town, went to the grocery store, and tried to chat up the black cashier and black customer behind me. I've been in Atlanta near a decade now and I am used to the Southern Tradition of chatting people up when you have to wait for something. But I forgot how, in many small Southern Towns, you just don't really mix with people who are Not Like You.
The looks I got in line that day...the looks of "You can't be talking to me...." confusion. And then after that this suspicion "What do you want from me?'
Though, to be honesst, I got that same attitude from the white people there. They didn't know me so they didn't trust me so they treated me with kid gloves. Forget I lived there for 20 years....
But I suppose the difference is, when I tell them who I belong to "I'm Doc XXX's daughter!" the white relax. The blacks smile (because my folks have always been hospitable to everyone) but they don't close the distance. That's what makes Atlanta, as the Southern Capitol, a really great place.
I've lived in Atlanta and am a black male and have lived in other countries before and all I gotta say for a big city Atlanta doesn't hold it's weight for people being open minded and intelligent when it comes to this. You can tell by the reaction of people and what they say on certain issues dealing with race. And for this fact don't waste your time in ATlanta you'd probably have a better experience just overall in dating in like DC, Chicago or out in Cali. Atlanta is ghetto anyways. I like a diverse crowd and city and more than everybody trying to get crunk and hood ish. Or those lame ass sororities and frats from the black colleges. As you see I don't like Atlanta but I feel is a necessary place to let the world know or atleast other parts of the U.S. know that black people can do well and make money. But as far as having the black experience or something, ha ha. I don't need it been black all my life time for a change and live as a human being instead of just a african american or feel I need to connect with something. I've been there seen that, don't like that. So all pro black people live in Atlanta i'm gonna go for more of a diverse community preferrably in another country. Where there are lots of different cultues of women to date and they love me for my beautiful blackness. Or just like me for being me and my personality.
bro move to seattle denver,portland or minneapolis .you are better off getting away from the southren states if you want to date white women.basically if there is a large black population where they are showing black men at their worst everyday on the evening news,the less interracial dating you will see.
I've lived in Atlanta and am a black male and have lived in other countries before and all I gotta say for a big city Atlanta doesn't hold it's weight for people being open minded and intelligent when it comes to this. You can tell by the reaction of people and what they say on certain issues dealing with race. And for this fact don't waste your time in ATlanta you'd probably have a better experience just overall in dating in like DC, Chicago or out in Cali. Atlanta is ghetto anyways. I like a diverse crowd and city and more than everybody trying to get crunk and hood ish. Or those lame ass sororities and frats from the black colleges. As you see I don't like Atlanta but I feel is a necessary place to let the world know or atleast other parts of the U.S. know that black people can do well and make money. But as far as having the black experience or something, ha ha. I don't need it been black all my life time for a change and live as a human being instead of just a african american or feel I need to connect with something. I've been there seen that, don't like that. So all pro black people live in Atlanta i'm gonna go for more of a diverse community preferrably in another country. Where there are lots of different cultues of women to date and they love me for my beautiful blackness. Or just like me for being me and my personality.
Gotta respect your honesty. Atlanta is what it is. Sistas have a really hard time seeing black men with white women, especially if he has his stuff together and they are having a good time. My suggestion in Atlanta just dont do it. Atlanta is a basic southern city. They try to HYPE it as international, but its not. I definitely understand you wanting to be a human being and not just a black person. The world is a very big place, but in the hood, the rest of the world doesnt exist to those people.
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