Has anyone's parents followed them in their move? (Atlanta, Boston: transplants, real estate) - Georgia (GA) - City-Data Forum

OC California · 10-28-2008, 11:34 AM

We recently moved to another state a few months ago and left our parents behind. We have 2 young children. My parents are nuts about our kids and are devasted that they can't see the kids daily/every week. Though they claim they will never move to the state we are in because they love living in Southern California. We are a very close knit traditional family. I was wondering if many parents do follow the kids and grandkids....eventually? Please share your experience

Thank you

Valerie-Lydie · 10-28-2008, 12:13 PM

Hi oc california

I doubt that anyone else's experience that is so personal and dependant to individual circumstances might help you... but let's see

You seem to see it possible and even easier if they were to move from this part of the US they love so much and have loved for a long time, to be close to you all, than if you do it yourself?

perhaps you love them so much, or miss them so much, you wished to be shown the same towards you and your little ones?

Apart from the fact that they like where they are, you don't see any other obstacles for them to move to live where you are?

What can you do to know if they would eventually move instead of you moving back?

What are the reasons for you not moving back?

Can't you take a part-time job instead of a full time one?

Do you feel lonelier or miss your family more since you stay at home?

how wealthy are your parents? Do they own a house?

Would you have some place in your home to receive them for a few months if ever they could not find anywhere to go at first?

Would not you want to live with them in Southern California, all in a bigger home?

Do you only miss your family or both your family and California?

Are you really happy where you are and is it worth the heart ache?

Would not you find a solution to your problems if you were with your family again and your problems half solved?

Hust a bit of a brain storm...

Hope it's all right

Go Blue 99 · 10-28-2008, 02:49 PM

I know a couple of parents that have moved to be closer to their kids.

A childhood friend of mine moved down to Atlanta from Boston after her wedding. Her parents moved down a few years later, after they retired. They miss their friends in Boston, but love being near their daughter and new grandson. They also love the real estate prices here.

My brother-in-law's wife moved to Knoxville TN after her wedding. She had previously lived with her parents in SoCal. 3 years later, the parents purchased a business in Knoxville and moved there so they could be closer to her. As far as I know, they are happy there. Their son also moved to Knoxville to help with the business.

So it's definitely not uncommon in my experience.

RainyRainyDay · 10-28-2008, 08:40 PM

Sure, some of my parents' (in their 70s) friends and acquaintances have done that.

Speaking for myself, we have an only child who's the apple of our eye. If we still have a strong relationship with her when she's an adult (hope so!) I could see us doing that, particularly if she has kids. Seems unlikely we'd want to putter about being retired in one part of the country while she and the grandkids were residing far, far away. Of course, if we were living someplace we loved, and she was living in an armpit, hmm, that would be tough! Just musing, but I can at least imagine possibly making such a move, someday.

OC California · 10-28-2008, 09:45 PM

That is very good that you are keeping an open mind. I feel the same way...I would want to be where my kids were. Someone once told me that they felt they had already lived their life and gotten established so if their kids had to move to better their life the parents would move for the sake of their kids future if their kids were trying to establish themselves,grandkids etc.

lastminutemom · 10-29-2008, 03:47 AM

However, OC, one of the challenges of having parents follow you here is that it complicates things if you or your DH gets a great job offer in another city 10 years from now and your parents can't or won't make the move.

I have a friend who is a gerontological social worker and she says Atlanta's retirement high rises have many residents who moved here for their children who then move again. They are either unable or unwilling to make a move and are stuck with the choice of staying here or going home.

Atlanta is a city full of transplants and transplants because they have made a move once are more than willing to move again. Before you ask your parents to move here, from somewhere they love, you need to be really committed.

I also know parents who follow their children around with each job move or transfer. So it can be done.

I have a friend whose mom moved here 3 years ago and is doing great. However, she only moved here once her son in law purchased a business and her son made partner at his law firm.

Iconographer · 10-29-2008, 08:07 AM

After looking at several resort-type areas for their retirement, my sister and her husband ended up building in a country club community NW of Charlotte. Their daughter's family is there...they realized that their grandchildren are growing up fast and wanted to be nearby. They are thrilled with their life there...in particular, they love paying $800.00 annually in property taxes as opposed to $13,000.00 (the tax bill they left behind in Atlanta).

Guntersville Boomer · 10-29-2008, 08:14 AM

I have an only daughter who left Florida for Birmingham Alabama to go to college and has decided to stay, job market better, etc. So my husband and I just sold our Florida home and bought near her, I miss her so much and can't imagine living the rest of my life being so far away from her and we are a 10 hour drive, can't even imagine us being California to Georgia away from each other......give them some time, they may change their mind.